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Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

It’s not about the veil; it’s about respect

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I wear the veil, and in my country many girls wear veils too, we are the biggest Muslim country.

I thought wearing the veil will always help me keep my dignity, or it’s kinda guaranteed to make myself safe. At least it will keep the stereotype that i am a “good girl” and “don’t messed up with me.”

But it was changed when i was in my high school.

Firstly, it happened when i was about go home, and there are some guys called at me: “Girl”.. I was ignoring them until they repeated many times, and said that i am a bitch because i was ignoring them.

I was pissed off, and then came to them and said, “What’s matter boys? You all SHOULD not talk to me that way, didn’t this veil prove you that i aint a slut?”

That was just the beginning. When i was in my first year of college, everyday i took the train. Then came one day, a stalker followed me from station until i took my train. In the train, he was standing behind me. And i’ve got a sexual harassment, because the train was very crowded, maybe no one notice that, he grabbed my ass, though i am wearing veil that time..

It’s kinda crazy, man sometimes doing crazy things because they often think that we, woman is weak and a second-class..

It actually wasn’t about wearing a veil or not. Any woman in this world SHOULD be RESPECTED, whoever they are..

– Movi Riana

Location: Bogor, Indonesia

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“I’ve been following you for the last four blocks”

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In the middle of the afternoon, in Edmonton, AB, I was walking around downtown running errands. A man pulled up in a car, stopped, got out in front of me.

“Hey, I’ve been following you for the last four blocks,” he said, very aggressively. There were no other people nearby. I got nervous.

“Um, that’s flattering,” I said, sarcastically. I think the sarcasm was lost on him.

“So, let’s go grab a drink,” he said, looking me up and down blatantly.

“I’m married,” I replied, which was actually true. In fact, I had just come from getting a copy of my marriage license.

“Oh, what did you do that for? That’s terrible!” He said.

“Well,” I replied. “It’s sad for you, but it’s wonderful for me, actually.”

“Oh, um, well, good for you,” he said.

“Thanks. Bye!” I walked away as quickly as I could.

– anonymous

Location: Edmonton, AB, Canada

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Stalked since I was 12

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When I was twelve, a man who lived down the street started following me to and from school, when I lived in Dawson Creek, BC. He would tell me that he missed ‘seeing my pretty face’ and that he wanted me to ‘come and visit him sometime.’ When I refused, he started stalking me.

I told my mom about it, and she told me it was my own fault for not being street smart enough. So I just tried my best to avoid him until I was old enough to move to a different city. In the six years that he harassed and stalked me, I suffered panic attacks and constant fear. My grades suffered, and I was eventually expelled from school.

I remember running from him one day after school, how he chased me through the trees beside the school. I was lucky that I was a fast runner. I was terrified, but I was also so ashamed. I felt like it was my fault, that if I was somehow smarter, or less pretty, this wouldn’t be happening to me. It wasn’t until later that I realized that the only reason he did this to me was because I was a girl.

– anonymous

Location: Dawson Creek, BC, Canada

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Weekly Round Up March 21, 2010

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Stories:

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In the News:

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“I’m a grown man & you can’t tell me what to do!

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Photo taken by contributor

I’m out on my lunch break from work, and I wait to cross a light. As I continue on my way, I pass a guy who is heading in the opposite direction. At first I thought he was going to ignore me but instead he mutters a “Girl!” and he starts staring at me as if I’m a piece of meat. Gross.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” I say.

“I don’t mean anything by it,” he says, but his actions belie his words. He was staring at my chest while he was talking! I was wearing a light scarf around my neck which was covering my chest area…what did he think he was going to see?! There was going to be no boob peep show for him!

“Stop looking me up and down and look me in the eyes,” I say.

I have too much experience dealing with harassers and knew how this was going to go. (Regardless, I can’t and won’t change how I deal with harassers.) He then cops an attitude and gets offensive.

“Forget you! Go on and keep walking to where you were going! I’m a grown man and you can’t tell me what to do!” he yells.

“Well this is MY BODY and I have every right to react when someone looks at me inappropriately,” I snap back.

He continues on his way yelling junk, and I yell “That’s why I can’t stand harassers. You go around harassing women but have the nerve to get defensive when called out on your mess. Ignorant!”

I didn’t react fast enough and only caught the back of him (he’s in the navy blue shirt in this photo), but I was fuming.

People wonder why I walk around “looking mean” and having an attitude. When incidents like this happen day in and day out, you’d have an attitude too.

I’m sick of men, specifically Black men – men the same race as I am, constantly degrading me like this. What makes me invisible to harassers of other races but a constant target of men of my own race? I’m not asking to be harassed by men of other races (lord no!), but I’m tired of frequently being targeted by “my own” while they’ll call me “sista.” Don’t call me your sista unless you can respect me like one. I am not an object only good for men’s viewing pleasure. There’s more to me than that.

– Anonymous

Location: M St & Potomac St, DC

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