Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Car tries to run over woman, passengers yell, “We don’t stop for ugly bitches!”

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I have been harassed an infinite amount of times. The most painful, however, are the occasions where instead of “complimenting” my appearance, the men criticize it.

Just a few days ago on my campus, I was crossing at a crosswalk. A car that was idling rather far down the street suddenly sped up and tried to hit me; as I looked over my shoulder, I saw two male students leaning forward and smiling as they nearly hit me.

I was shaken, but tried to not lose my cool. I continued walking as the car sped away. After a couple minutes, I reached the next crosswalk and heard a car pull up and stop: it was the same men. They had seen that I was headed for the next crosswalk and had waited for me. I motioned for them to pass but they gestured for me to go. I was furious at this point, but noticed that other cars had began to line up behind them and didn’t want to make others wait. I began to cross the street and the car charged me again, yelling out their window, “We don’t stop for ugly bitches!” and holding down their horn, making a spectacle.

I dodged the car and it sped off. As I walked away, I was more distraught to realize that the people surrounding me (almost entirely male engineering students working on projects in the park), were laughing uncontrollably.

I called to police once I got home, and the male police officer took down my report incredulously. I called back later to see if anything had been found on the men (I had a description of the car) and was essentially laughed off.

I haven’t left the house in days, I feel too ugly to be in public… or, or that matter, to live. I don’t have a car so I need to walk places and it feels like a punishment. I just want a mask to wear on my face so no one can judge it as ugly and try to run me over. I feel no protection from others, neither the police nor my peers; no one will stand up for ugly girls.

– Anonymous

Location: On Campus

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

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A male ally in New Delhi, India, speaks out – part 3

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[Editor’s Note: This is part 3 in in a 3 part series. Here is part 1 and 2]

For Men:

Each time you don’t have to fight back the guys who harass women on the street or hit them with your cars. I agree what I did back them in the rain was reckless and some serious damage could have been done too. But is sitting quietly in your car with the windows rolled up and the stereo on load the answer to everything?

You don’t have to be super human to fight street harassment too. At times, a simple task like moving in front of the girl and shielding her from the view of those guys is also good enough. We don’t essentially need to pick up a fight each time some guy harasses someone on the street. At times, you could do what I did, go behind the counter and help someone throw groceries in the sack so she doesn’t need to bend down.

Little things, and little efforts at times go a long way in making a woman feel a little more secure. Men need to make a genuine effort to stop street harassment too. This is not a women’s only issue. This is an issue that needs collective effort by both men and women.

Please talk to the woman in front of you, not to her chest. We all understand that you’re fascinated by breasts, but that doesn’t mean you need to talk to a woman looking at her breasts. Check your own actions. Are you making someone feel uncomfortable? Are you standing too close to someone? Is your bag touching anyone while you’re on a public transport? Do some retrospection and decide for yourself how you can make woman feel more comfortable in the office, on the streets, in the markets, on the train, on the bus.

Don’t fight each time or raise a hue and cry each time you’re on the street and you see a women being harassed. We don’t really expect that from men either. That would never work. It would only lead to fights and then that would lead to more fights. But do move a little bit to the left, or to the right, or to the center, if moving a little bit helps a random woman on the train feel a little better from the roving eyes of some ogler.

Small things often go a long way in making someone feel nicer. So do it. Watch out for Street Harassment and devise your own little ways to combat it. We don’t need to fight a world war to solve this issue. Men all by themselves can solve this if they all come together and make a small effort, a small step at a time.

– Tbg

@TbgDgc

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

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Repeat motorbike groper in North Vietnam

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Today is the second time that a man on a motorbike has driven past me and grabbed my breast. The first time it happened I was so shocked that I didn’t have time to do much more than scream before he had disappeared from view. I spent many days after the first incident nervously checking my surroundings whenever I left the house and contemplating how I would catch this man if he dared tried do something similar.

Alas I now feel like a complete fool for not being able to prevent the same thing happening again just a few feet from my house. I am in an Asian country where people on motorbikes frequently wear scarves across their face to prevent inhaling fumes, so I was unable to recognize this person on sight and by the time I did, of course it was too late. I managed this time to swear at the cowardly, vile male responsible before he drove off, but given that he doesn’t speak my language, my guess is that he could care less.

I am comforted that other brave women here have experienced similar events but I can’t help worrying that this man’s actions could escalate into a more dangerous attack and I am not sure what steps to take next.

– Anonymous

Location: North Vietnam

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

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A male ally in New Delhi, India, speaks out – part 2

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[Editor’s Note: This is part 2 in in a 3 part series. Here is part 1 and you can read part 3 tomorrow]

Another incident. This happened on the train in New Delhi, India. This is a Metro train service within New Delhi region city limits, the same as the BART in San Francisco. I seldom travel on the train to anywhere, I really feel very uncomfortable in the crowds. I had some fever and cough the day before, and the cough medicine had made me really drowsy, so I thought it best not to drive myself. That’s how I ended up in the train. After a full day at work, I was really tired and anxious to get home.

Luckily, I got a seat. Which was really good, because the Tylenol I took last was 8 hours ago and I needed another one soon. There’s a station in New Delhi which is called the Rajiv Chowk Metro station which is like the main station in New Delhi area. There are a lot of people who go through this station everyday and it’s a major junction to take trains to other parts of the city too. If you’re in a train that isn’t crowded, expect it to become very crowded at this station. And that was what happened. A lot of people got on the train. I was still sitting. There was this young lady standing close to where I was sitting. Usually I get up and offer my seat to just about anyone, but that point of time I was really feeling very beat with the fever. As the crowd increased, the girl moved closer and closer to where I was sitting. A middle aged guy carrying a laptop bag was standing very close to her. The lady was standing facing me looking out the window, and the guy was behind her. In a while I could very well make out that the guy was rubbing his crotch on the girl’s back, and the girl was becoming very uncomfortable. I could easily make out what he’s doing because I was sitting and could see his waist at eye level. I promptly got up and gave my seat to the young lady and stood facing the guy. I very politely asked him what he was doing, in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. I could not help but scream “Why were you standing that close to the girl?” I guess that was when some other people realized that the guy must have been doing something really bad and he was promptly handed over to the Metro Authorities at the next station. The girl did what girls should (recommended in Indian society) She vanished. I guess in the midst of all the commotion, she somehow got down the train and took another one or made her way out of the station and gotten home somehow.

You must understand how India works. If the guy had managed to catch a good look at her, he would have tried to keep a look out for her in the future. That would not have been a very good idea. I strongly feel it was a good idea for the girl to vanish in the midst of all the commotion.

Let’s have a brief look at the middle aged guy’s tryst with the law. The Metro authorities would have made him sit for a while. Some officer would have then tried to talk to him for a few moments. The guy would have pointed out that it was very crowded and it was impossible to stand without being really close to the girl. And the officer would have probably let him go or would have taken a few hundred rupees from him to let him go. And case closed. The next day, the middle aged guy would probably have been on another train somewhere in the city doing the same thing all over again.

Another time, it was raining, and this girl was sitting behind another guy on a motorcycle. The girls pants got wet in the rain and her thighs were very visible. These other two guys were constantly staring at her legs. The girl was becoming uncomfortable. The guy with the girl did try to ride away but the traffic in the market was dense and he couldn’t go anywhere quickly. I was in my car noticing all of this. As soon as the traffic opened in front of me, I swerved a little to the left, hit the two guys who were staring with my fender and raced away. Looking in my rear view mirror, I could see they fell down on the road.

The incident in the Super market is not a rare one. It happens everyday, all over the world. Girls wear short dresses or long dresses, they wear revealing clothes or are covered from head to toe, Men do stare. They ogle and they stare and they do no try to hide the mental undressing that they are doing in their mind too.

The incident in the fast food place is also not rare. It too, happens everyday. The incident in the Metro train is probably repeated thousands of times in every public transport all over the world too. And what would you do in the rains? What do you want women to do? Do you expect all of them to stay indoors or stop wearing light colored clothes?

[Come back tomorrow to read Part 3, with Tbg’s advice to men]

– Tbg

@TbgDgc

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A male ally in New Delhi, India, speaks out – part 1

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[Editor’s Note: This is part 1 in in a 3 part series. You can read parts 2 and 3 later this week]

These are real life stories. Narrated as it happened.

I was at the super market getting late for work and needed to pick up some milk. This is a super market that I frequent often and I know most of the people who work there by their first names and they know me well too.

This new girl had joined recently, like a month back and wasn’t very sure how to handle customers, especially male customers. She was on duty at the check out counter, and I could see a couple of rough looking guys getting their groceries checked out by her. One of the guys stood to the left side and started to hand out the stuff from the cart and the other stood to the other side with a huge sack in his hand.

The girl started to bill the stuff and pass them on to the other guy to put them in the sack. In a couple minutes, while I was looking at them trying to figure out what their intentions were, the other guy then lowered the sack to the floor and opened the top of it and requested the girl to pop the stuff in it. The girl threw in the vegetables but for other groceries she obviously had to bend  from the waist a bit. The guy holding the sack lowered the mouth of the sack a little bit more and very happily ogled inside her shirt each time she bent down.

Needless to say, this incident angered me. There were other people behind me in line who were getting irritated because the girl was doing a slow job, or so they said and the other counters were still closed.

The guy passing out the stuff from the cart bent over to pick up something from the very back of the cart and that was when I saw the ID hanging from his neck. He was a Delhi Police officer. They both were Police officers. (New Delhi, Capital city, India)

That was when I did what I do best. I kept my milk on the counter and moved behind the counter to help her out everything in the sack.

The two cops were angered by this, and humiliated too. They managed to figure out I guessed what they were up to and that must have embarrassed them somehow, or so I’d like to think.

After that, they moved out real quick and the girl still had no idea what those two had been up to.

Another guy who worked there figured it out and murmured me a thanks, and I sure hope he did coach his new comer colleague how to handle such customers from now on.

I remember another incident very vividly. I was standing in line at a fast food pick up place. There was a young teen girl standing in line ahead of me and some guys standing a little away towards the right. Apparently those guys had already ordered and were waiting for their food to be packed. The girl in front of me placed her order and stood to the side. I ordered and I moved back too. The girl was wearing a tee and jeans and a jacket, with no skin visible. The guys standing a bit away were constantly staring at her, and they must have been in their 40’s at least. Pretty soon, the girl became aware of their stares and became a little uncomfortable too. I didn’t know what to do or how to react, so I just moved from where I was standing and stood between the guys and the teen girl. The teen girl was petite and the guys ogling at her couldn’t see her anymore standing besides me so they soon lost interest.

The guys got their food and left, the girl got her food and left. She did not look back or anything, but I’m sure she realized for a moment that there are some good folks in this planet. Very few, it seems to me though.

[Come back tomorrow to read Part 2]

– Tbg

@TbgDgc

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