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10 instances of verbal harassment in one trip

September 8, 2010 By Contributor

Walking to the supermarket in Perry Barr, West Midlands, England, the verbal harassment was constant, maybe 10 instances.

– Rhian

Location: Perry Barr, West Midlands, UK

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: sexual harassment, street harassment, verbal harassment

“As soon as I passed, he said, ‘Want some dick?'”

August 30, 2010 By Contributor

I was walking to my office when I passed a man sitting on the side of a pedestrian bridge. He seemed to be talking to himself. Then as soon as I passed, he said, “Want some dick?” I ignored him and kept walking, then he got louder: “Come on!” The further I walked, the less I heard, but he didn’t stop.

I filed a police report.

– Anonymous

Location: 390 North Ave NW, Atlanta, GA

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: sexual harassment, sexually explicit comments, street harassment, verbal harassment

Harassment often keeps woman in Spain from leaving her house

July 9, 2010 By Contributor

Before starting to tell my stories, I’d like to say something. I’m Spanish. I say this in case I make any mistakes when writing. I usually read feminist websites or blogs often and I found out about this site. Thank you very much for your amazing work and to the people that share their stories, I’d like to tell them that I’m extremely sorry for them and let them know that they are not alone and I hope everything gets better in the future.

I don’t feel comfortable saying this, but I’ve been touched by strangers. I have experienced all kind of harassment (from light to heavy). I once was harassed even when I was 11/12 years old. I once was stalked by an old stranger in the street. Someone took a picture of me topless in a beach. (My brother laught at several of this things. I’ve realised how he is or was and I keep little contact with him. It’s painful.)

I don’t know if this is considered street harassment or plain humiliation. Many years ago I traveled to Liverpool alone. I felt so alone. I was having a hard time. A bunch of strangers came to me in the street (I was waiting for the traffic lights to go green) and threw me a bag of garbage while laughing hysterically. I went to the nearest phone box and I really had a hard time stopping crying and going back to the residence where I lived while talking to my family because it seemed like I could never stop.

Lately I’m really depressed. I almost never leave the house, but sometimes I want to go out, take a walk, clear my mind. Almost 80% of the time I’m street harassed. I insult them or show them the finger but I still feel powerless.

I wish people would talk more about this topic and raise awareness in my country too.

The following is a message for sexists, homophobes, and people who do this in general.

YOU’RE SWINE!!! I WISH YOU’D DIE!!!

EVERY REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE WILL BE SISTEMATICALLY DELETED AND IGNORED.

P.S.: It’s possible that I’m forgetting other stories. Unfortunately there have been a lot.

– Anonymous

Location: Mostly in Spain

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: sexual harassment, spain, street harassment, verbal harassment

A Jewish woman’s stories (part 3 of 3)

June 17, 2010 By Contributor

I have had 3 unpleasant incidences of street harassment, and this was the latest and worst [read incidents 1 and 2].

I live in New Jersey and my boyfriend lives in Manhattan, and we only see each other on the weekends. We therefore try to squeeze in as much time together as possible, which frequently results in me waiting in Penn Station for a train late at night.

On this particular night, I was waiting at midnight on the top of the steps leading from a busy corridor into the NJ Transit concourse. I saw a black man in a black winter hat walking through the concourse below me, holding an open pack of Newport cigarettes. He got to me and offered me one. I turned him down. He then offered me a new MetroCard, still wrapped. Nonplussed, I told him that I already had one. He made some comment about my jeans which I didn’t catch, then tried to put his arm around my back, (a move which I can’t stand thanks to my first encounter with street harassment,) and I flinched away. He commented on it, and added, “You’re not PREJUDICED or anything, right? It’s not because I’m BLACK, is it?”

I replied, “No, I’m not prejudiced. I just really don’t like strangers touching me.”

He then got me to exchange names and shake hands (he’d made me feel like I had to prove that I wasn’t racist), held my hand too long, and said, “Your hand is cold.” I said, “I just came in from outside!” He then held my hand a second longer, let go, said, “Have a good night, baby,” and disappeared.

I felt hideously violated, even though all he’d done was touch my back and make comments. I felt like he hadn’t done anything that the police would act on, plus I wasn’t sure where the nearest police booth was, so I didn’t report it.

However, I started having massive anxiety attacks at the thought of being in Penn Station after 9 PM, which resulted in my spending an extra night with my boyfriend several times. It was weeks before I managed to face my fear and go back to my normal routine, and then it was only with the help of my boyfriend accompanying me to the station that I did so. I had the worst anxiety attack I’ve had in years the night my boyfriend accompanied me from his apartment at 10 PM, but I am now back to my regular routine. However, I now carry pepper spray, and I know the locations of the police booths around the NJ Transit area. (Ironically, I was only yards away from one, though that booth is not always occupied.)

I am furious – no man should ever have the power to make a woman afraid to do *anything!*

– HD

Location: Penn Station, NYC

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: NYC, penn station, public transportation, street harassment, transit, verbal harassment

Speak Up!

April 19, 2009 By HKearl

When we’re harassed in public spaces, or in other settings for that matter, how can we respond? Lauren Taylor, a self defense instructor and long time women’s rights activist, helped attendees of yesterday’s Defend Yourself street harassment-focused self defense workshop learn some basic tactics.

While street harassment is not just women’s responsibilities to end when men are the harassers, and indeed we will have an impossible time ending it without the cooperation and support of men, learning tactics so we can stand up for and defend ourselves when we are harassed can be incredibly powerful. We have the right to be safe in public and use public spaces as often as we want. While most of us may not ever be in a life threatening situation or face physical harassment, just knowing we could defend ourselves if necessary can give us more confidence to go about our daily lives without letting the behavior, actions, or comments of others dictate how we live.

4-18-09-defend-yourself-class-in-dc-1After an opening discussion about who we (attendees) were and the impact street harassment has on our lives, Lauren engaged us in a group activity. On slips of paper, we wrote types of harassing behavior, from honking to physical assault. Then we placed the pieces of paper on a spectrum, from annoying to life threatening, depending on what we thought about the severity of the action. Lauren led a discussion about the placement of the pieces of paper and helped attendees see street harassing in the context of men’s violence against women and workplace and school-based sexual harassment. The strategies she taught us can be modified to fit all these situations.

Lauren emphasized that any situation can escalate to violence and we must always think about what response will make us feel and be the safest. That may be ignoring or walking away from the harasser, which is fine, as long as that is our choice. If we do it because we don’t know what else we can do, that is not an empowering decision. The point of the workshop was to learn about other options.

Since most harassment women face is verbal, Lauren focused on verbal tactics. We practiced assertive responses to mock harassers and getting comfortable with speaking up. Practicing saying “no” in an assertive tone of voice, with a confident, strong stance was the base line. In a society where women in general (and many of us in the class said we had) have been socialized to be polite, try not to cause a scene, and look out for the feelings of others over our own, the simple act of saying “no” was both difficult and empowering.

Similar to suggestions from Martha Langelan in her book Back Off!, Lauren has a list of tactics for basic verbal self defense. Telling the harasser what you want is key. “Stop it!” “I don’t like that,” “leave me alone,” and “stop touching me” are all examples of direct responses you can say to a harasser. We practiced these phrases while exuding strong body language, tone of voice, and facial expression. We also role played different harassment scenarios, taking turns playing a harasser and harassee and responding on the fly to the harassment we received. Role playing was challenging, but useful in seeing how it feels to stand up for oneself and hold one’s ground when confronted by not only a harasser, but a persistent harasser.

Two workshop attendees and instructor Lauren (right)
Two workshop attendees and instructor Lauren

We also tried out a few simple physical self defense moves for the times when the harassment escalates. These moves included pushing the palm of our hand to the nose or chin or a harasser, our elbow to their throat, stomping on their feet, and elbowing someone standing behind us. We practiced yelling, “No!” at the same time to not only emphasize our feelings, but because, in a real situation, yelling could attract the help of bystanders.

The workshop closed with attendees sharing ideas for ending street harassment. Sharing our street harassment stories and informing the boys and men in our lives about the extent of this problem were the most frequently suggested ideas. You can share you stories by submitting them to stopstreetharassmentATyahooDOTcom and they’ll post on this blog. Here are other suggested strategies.

I want to continue practicing role playing, standing up for myself, and having an assertive response to harassers because my inclination is to freeze, try to get away, or try to appease and humor the harasser until they stop. None of those reactions is empowering. While in some instances those behaviors may be necessary for safety or convenience sake, I’d also like to easily have an assertive response.

In sum, this class was wonderful and I highly recommend it.

Has anyone else taken a self defense class? Has it helped you deal with street harassers? Has it made you feel more confident?

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Filed Under: street harassment Tagged With: assault, back off, DC, defend yourself, martha langelan, self defense, sexual harassment, street harassment, verbal harassment, Washington

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