Between the ages of 18 and 33 I lived in Birmingham and experienced street harassment most times that I left the house on my own. It could be wolf whistles or cat calling, mostly it was men coming up to me and talking to me in a disrespectful manner and refusing to go away, about a dozen times it was actual groping or physical attacks.
Ignoring them would simply encourage them. The only way to get rid of them was to get angry and start shouting, then other people would take notice and they would back off. But they usually do it when no one else is nearby.
Do not listen when people tell you not to make eye contact – that is the worst thing you can do as a woman, it just encourages them. The best thing you can do is to keep your head up and look around for potential pests, since if you stare them out it can make them back off. You have to be constantly ready for an argument, you can’t smile or look friendly, and you must never look preoccupied. I found it psychologically exhausting.
I actually found the physical attacks easier to deal with than the verbal ones, since the physical attacks were relatively rare and you just react instinctively, but the verbal attacks were constant and unremitting and there is very little you can do about them.
Anyone who thinks complaining about street harassment is making a fuss over nothing should try living like that. At the time it was the worst factor in my life. You think you are coping with it, then you go on holiday to somewhere like Cornwall where this kind of behaviour is far less prevalent, and you remember what normal life is like, and you dread going back home.
And it’s not triggered by skimpy clothing, though I can imagine that making it worse. I didn’t DARE wear anything flesh-revealing. It still happened even if you were wrapped up in thick winter clothing.
When I got married 12 years ago I insisted that we left Birmingham, since I did not want any daughters of mine growing up and having to experience that. There are nicer parts of Brum where it doesn’t happen but they are expensive.
I think the problem is that most men would not dream of behaving this, and because they do not see it happening, they do not realise how serious a problem it is. My friends all drove everywhere or used taxis, but I didn’t want to feel that I could not walk down the street, I wanted to face up to the problem, however it is impossible and in the end I just moved away.
I still cannot believe that something that has such a huge impact on women’s lives has not yet become a major issue. That’s why I am glad you have started this campaign. I should have started something myself, but at the time I just wanted to forget all about it.
– Anne-Marie Armour
Location: Birmingham, UK
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Grace says
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s true that no matter what you feel you are doing, it still happens. After a year and a half living in an area that I liked, and constantly dealing with similar harassment, I was followed home and chased by a guy who tried to get into my building. So, I moved to an area that I thought would be much safer, where I am paying more than double the amount in rent. I have just had to go and report to the police a man who has been stalking me, waiting for me outside my house and chasing me in his car, and last night, while out with my friends in my nice, safe new area, my drink was spiked.
These people are everywhere and it is relentless. It really takes its toll, and I know what you mean when you say it is psychlogically exhausting.
Good luck and I hope your new area is better in regards to this.
Iris says
I couldn’t agree more!
A lot of people (specially men, who fortunatelly don’t have to go through this) don’t understand how horrible it is to feel surrounded and stalked every time you go out of the house on your own. It feels like you’re never safe… no one cares if you’re having a bad day or need to go somewhere, your opinion never matters, they’ll always invade your space. It is exhausting.
People don’t even believe you, when you say it happens every single day… when you say all girls go through it… when you say it starts when you’re about 12 years old… the response you’ll usually get when trying to tell someone is that “it can’t be that bad”!
The only reservation I have regarding the opinion you expressed is about reacting agressively and looking them in the eyes. I think some situations might be quite dangerous, so I wouldn’t generalize and recommend it as a strategy.
While I feel relatively safe in Europe, in my home country I would never react to street harrassment… because I’m not sure if men there would stop, even if everyone else on the street starts staring at them. I think a lot of them would get agressive and start following or touching me. So as much as I believe harrassers are cowards that just need to be confronted and put back in their place, it doesn’t hurt to be careful, specially if you’re in a place where you don’t feel so safe.
Great text. Thank you for sharing 🙂
beckie says
Here’s to hoping a better world for your daughters because you have stared harassers in the eyes, and told us all about it and won’t put up with it!
Alan says
thank you for this articulate post. i hope for a better life for your daughters (and you!) too! Just need to get us men in line and realizing how huge an impact this is.