For all the men out there asking why we women are so hesitant to engage in “friendly conversation” or why we can’t just “be polite” or “acknowledge compliments,” here’s why:

I stopped by the grocery store on my way home from work the other day, around 4 or 5 in the afternoon.  I was perusing the freezer aisle trying to determine which variety of French fries to buy.  My three-year-old daughter was with me, riding in the cart.

A man next to me was also looking through the various offerings of frozen fries, and asked me the difference between steak cut and thick cut.  I said I wasn’t sure.  He mentioned something about how he was a horrible cook and didn’t know how to make anything.  I told him it wasn’t that hard and that I’d found lots of good, easy recipes online.  (For f*ck’s sake dude, they’re frozen fries.  You dump out the bag on a tray and put it in the oven; it’s not rocket science.)

He asked if I liked cooking.  I replied I did; it’s fun to be creative with food & ingredients.

Then he asked if I was married.  I said no, I wasn’t, but that I didn’t see how that had to do with anything.  He proceeds to tell me how he owns 18 different international properties, is worth millions, and something about how well he’d take care of me and how I wouldn’t have to work anymore.  Wow.  WITH AN OFFER LIKE THAT FROM A TOTAL STRANGER, WHO COULD REFUSE?!?!!!!!  Then he expressed his frustration about how hard it was to get dates these days.  I told him to work on that skill called “feeding oneself independently,” and got the f*ck out of there with my fries.

I’d really like my daughter to grow up in a world where she can make grocery-store small talk without getting badgered about marital status in front of her kids someday.  Here’s to hoping.

– Greta

Location: Food City supermarket, Phoenix Arizona

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A few years ago on Halloween I went to the street party downtown in my costume. Two men grabbed my ass and others called out lewd comments. Then a woman grabbed my ass and say she just wanted to tell me how beautiful I was. She said, “I’m not even sorry about it.”

I felt so demeaned and disgusted by all of these actions. I felt bad about myself from all the negative attention. I left after an hour of being there. It ruined my entire night.

– Anonymous

Location: Santa Cruz, Ca (Pacific st.)

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I was headed uptown on the 2 subway line on Halloween. I was wearing a long coat and my cute referee costume under it. I was sitting down at the end of the train and this guy in a suit gets on the train and stands right in front of me.

There was like no one else on the train so I thought it was weird that he did that but oh well.  So I look up at him and he is flicking his tongue and leering at me.  Ok this guy was old enough to be my dad…disgusting.

So I look down and he is rubbing his dick in his pocket.  It was so obvious I could see the vial erect thing.  I shot up and stood by the door to get out at the next stop. Right before the stop he comes up behind me and says, “Happy Halloween you little slut.”

Fully ruined my night.  Sometimes I hate this city.  I just wonder who he was going home to and why he felt he needed to do that.

I will never go out in my costume again.

– Anonymous

Location: New York City, NY

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I got whistles and other things yelled at me while on vacation with my family. I was a teenager and I didn’t know why they were doing that. I was confused, ashamed, embarrassed because others stared at me then. Not even my parents did or said anything. I still remember it and it was 40 years ago.

– AM

Location: Watching the ships in a harbor in northern Minnesota

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Drove through Taco Cabana one evening. I’d spent the day taking care of a sick relative. I was tired and I just needed to get something to eat. College-aged men on the patio felt it was important to yell at me that I was ugly. I was 48-years-old at the time. When I get up in the morning, my goal isn’t to titillate college-aged, beer-swilling man-children. How would they feel if someone acted that way to their mother? I was in a moving vehicle and I just kept going, but in retrospect I should have gone in and told the manager, or better yet, just thrown my soda at them.

Optional: Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

Next time I am harassed, and unfortunately I know there will be a next time, I’ll tell the manager so they have the opportunity of making the harassers leave. If I’m in my car, I’m going to nail them with a soda.

– Anonymous

Location: Denton, TX

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea