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“Excuse me, Mr. Stranger? I’m fifteen!”

October 30, 2014 By Contributor

I am half black, half white and people, no – men – in South Africa often give me strange looks. I live in Czech Republic, where people do that just because I have a dark skin, but they don’t approach me out of nowhere and chat.

My aunt took my older sister and me to the hairdresser’s. I was sitting in a chair while the hairdresser was straightening my hair. Three men were sitting next to me, staring at me occasionally. I got used to it a little bit over time, people do that there. But when we were leaving the place, me stepping out last, one of the men grabbed my arm, making me turn around. He let my arm go, smiled at me, waved and said ‘hi’. I froze, then almost-waved back with a stoic expression, my eyes widened in panic, mumbled ‘hi’ and ran away to the safety of my family. We laughed about it, when I told them. But wow, was I scared. It wasn’t because of my clothes, it was cold outside, but I look older than I am. Some people even mistake me for my mom’s (married) friend. But excuse me, Mr. Stranger? I’m fifteen!

– C

Location: South Africa

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Why We Shouldn’t Lose Sight of Full Equality

October 30, 2014 By Contributor

Cross-posted with permission from the author Patrick McNeil, our board member, from the Huffington Post

Late last week, the U.S. Office of Special Counsel found that the Department of the Army had discriminated against Tamara Lusardi based on her gender identity in a significant ruling that said Lusardi’s restricted daily movement “constituted discriminatory harassment under the guiding principles of Title VII [of the Civil Rights Act].”

At the same time, marriage equality is becoming the new normal, and the United States has suddenly become a nation where nearly two-thirds of same-sex couples live in a state where they can get married. Just this past Saturday morning, Attorney General Eric Holder announced that same-sex couples in six more states would receive federal benefits and have their marriages recognized by the federal government.

This is all very good news, but GLSEN’s annual school climate survey, also released last week, is a good reminder that – while LGBT Americans live in an increasingly evolving society – there’s still a long way to go.

At school, according to the survey, LGBT students really don’t feel safe. More than half (55.5%) of LGBT students feel unsafe because of their sexual orientation – and more than a third because of their gender expression. In the past month, almost a third missed at least one day of school because they felt uncomfortable, while more than a third avoided certain gender-segregated spaces (like bathrooms and locker rooms) for the same reason. More than two-thirds frequently or often heard homophobic remarks, and more than half heard negative comments about gender expression – like not being “masculine enough” or “feminine enough.”

LGBT students are particularly susceptible to verbal and physical harassment at school, and about half (49%) said they’ve experienced electronic harassment in the past year – such as via texting or on social media. What this all leads to is higher levels of depression and lower levels of self-esteem.

These findings, which are actually much improved from just a few years ago, are still very terrifying, given that schools are meant to be safe spaces where children spend a significant portion of their day. The findings are also very parallel with what we know about how LGBT people navigate and experience public spaces.

According to Stop Street Harassment’s (SSH) national study released earlier this year, LGBT people were more likely than straight people to report experiencing street harassment (both verbal and physical) – and it starts young. Seventy percent of LGBT people said they experienced it by age 17, compared to 49 percent of straight people (which is still very significant). In the same way that students in GLSEN’s survey reported avoiding certain activities because they felt unsafe, SSH’s study found that LGBT people were more likely to give up an outdoor activity for the same reason.

In my own research on the street harassment of gay and bisexual men – an admittedly much narrower group – survey respondents also reported high levels of avoiding specific areas or neighborhoods and crossing the street or taking an alternative route in order to sidestep unwanted interactions in what they felt were unsafe environments. In addition, 71.3 percent said they constantly assessed their surroundings when navigating public spaces.

That’s not healthy.

Whether at school or in public spaces, many LGBT youth don’t feel safe and continue to face disgraceful levels of discrimination (and some don’t feel safe at home, either). But when they enter the workforce, disadvantages persist.

In the absence of federal legislation like the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), it’s still legal in a majority of states to discriminate against employees simply on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity (even in some states where same-sex marriage is now legal). On the job, report after report notes the existence of persistent harassment and discrimination for LGBT people. And this is layered on top of pervasive race and gender discrimination.

This year, 50 years after the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was signed, it’s certainly satisfying to know that the Act continues to guide favorable, groundbreaking rulings, like in the case of Tamara Lusardi. But we shouldn’t allow extraordinary advances to overshadow the amount of progress we still need to make toward full equality at school, in public spaces, in the workplace – and everywhere in between. Indeed, we’ve only just begun.

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Filed Under: LGBTQ, male perspective, street harassment

“How much do you charge?”

October 30, 2014 By Contributor

I had an idiot pull up in his car and ask me if I wanted to “go on a date”.  I ignored him so he screamed at the top of his lungs “How much do you charge?” – I got hit on a lot on the streets because I was beautiful; however, my looks disappeared when I hit my 40’s; but it’s nice to be invisible…older women are just not seen….

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Men still haven’t got it.  We need to start raising boys differently.  Pure and simple it has to start in childhood.

– Diva

Location: San Francisco’s Delores Street, CA

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

 

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“Your legs made me miss my stop”

October 29, 2014 By Contributor

Today on the way to work, a guy came up behind me on the subway and whispered, “Your legs made me miss my stop. I ain’t even mad.”

I want to bathe in acid.

– Bonnie

Location: NYC Subway

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

A Guide to Approaching Women on the Street

October 29, 2014 By Contributor

By Julie Mastrine

When I first became a social media volunteer for Stop Street Harassment, curating the Twitter and Facebook feeds for the nonprofit was tricky — I could find very few articles, blog posts, or tweets on the matter. Fast forward to 2 years later, and I can barely keep up with all the stories coming from women and LGBTQ folks exposing this cultural issue. The latest content to go viral is a video of a woman walking around New York City for 10 hours and being harassed more than 100 times.

Women have been taught street harassment is normal or even a compliment, but you can see from the video how sobering these incidents are when taken together over a few hours (now imagine them amassed over a lifetime).

And yet, many people take away a twisted message from calls to end street harassment. They assume ending street harassment means squashing all communication with strangers in public. They think women never want to be approached by people they don’t know. Usually the conversation goes like this:

Me: “We need to work to end street harassment.”

Opponent: “So you’re saying we should never approach anyone in public? What will that do to our communities!?”

This argument is a straw man. Feminists fighting street harassment are not trying to end all public interactions. We are simply asking that public interactions be respectful, mindful of personal space, free of unwanted sexual or objectifying remarks, and mutually desired.

Street harassment is rooted in a need to assert power, objectification of women’s bodies, and entitlement to women’s time and attention. But it is possible to have respectful street interactions — we just have to learn how to distinguish street harassment from street respect.

Street Harassment:

1. Saying (or yelling or shouting) sexual or objectifying comments. Some examples from stories women have submitted to Stop Street Harassment’s blog:

“Show me your tits!”

“Hi babe, would you like to touch my dick?”

“Have you got hair on it yet, love?” (said to a 15-year-old)

“That’s what I like, a woman on her knees.”

“Sluts!”

“Bitch!”

“I like your boobies!”

“Fine ass.”

“Take off your top!”

“Wanna f**k?”

Etcetera. Honestly, the examples of lewd comments go on and on and on.

2. Making sexual or objectifying gestures/disrespecting personal space:

Kissy noises

Following via car, bike or foot

Leering/staring

Pinching/groping

Blocking someone’s path

Taking photos up someone’s skirt or dress

Masturbating in public (do I really have to note this one? Apparently, yes.)

It should be pretty clear these actions and comments are disrespectful. So what constitutes street respect?

If you genuinely just want to make a new friend or are interested in speaking to someone who piques your interest on the street, you can absolutely go about it in a respectful way.

Street Respect:

1. Give compliments (but tread lightly).

* Steer clear of compliments that are actually just objectification of someone’s body or body parts.

* Try complimenting an actual object: “Great dress!” “I love the color of your shoes.” “Where did you get that awesome bag?”

2. Find common ground by asking questions.

* “I’ve read that book and really liked it. Are you enjoying it?”

* “Have you visited the bistro on 11th St.? I might go there for lunch and would love to hear an opinion.”

* “I used to have a beagle just like yours. Is he friendly?”

* “Do you use Lyft? I’m trying to get to Market St. and wondered if it’s worth installing the app.”

* “Can you recommend any good cafés nearby?”

3. Read body language. Take the following gestures to indicate someone is not interested in talking:

* Headphones in

* Walking briskly (like the woman in the aforementioned video!)

* Head down

* Lack of eye contact

* One-word answers

Too many women and LGBTQ folks live in fear of violence after a lifetime of being sexualized and approached aggressively in public. It’s absolutely possible to end street harassment while fostering respectful street interactions. Spread positivity on the streets, and exhibit genuine interest in and respect for those around you — don’t resort to harassing and intimidating others.

[Editor’s Note: Check out more of our resources on this subject.]

Julie Mastrine is a writer and feminist. She is the Social Media Manager at Care2 and is a social media volunteer for Stop Street Harassment. Follow Julie on Twitter and check out her e-book.

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Filed Under: Resources, street harassment

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