Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

“Calling a stranger slim is not an appropriate comment”

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Someone just tried to pick me up in the grocery store by smiling and saying, “Excuse me, you’ll probably laugh at me, but you’re slim and attractive and I was wondering if it would be possible to get a date with you,” and when I smiled back and said, “No thank you,” he said, “Sorry I don’t have white skin” and walked away quickly. Too quickly for me to have responded, and even so, I’m not sure what I would have said.

Do I just chalk this up to a wounded society that contains wounded people and carry on? Was he on some sort of misguided consciousness-raising mission? Should I have said, “Calling a stranger slim is not an appropriate comment, and also no, thank you”?

Honestly, before he finished his sentence I thought he was mentioning slim as a strange lead-in to asking me for help with vegetables, as we were in the produce aisle.

– Anonymous

Location: Whole Foods on Prospect Street in Cambridge, MA

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“I’m sick of feeling vulnerable and scared”

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I’m 17 years old, and I’ve received ‘unwanted attention’ from men almost everyday since I was about 13, which is the same for an unfortunate number of girls I know. Up until now, it’s never really affected me. I’ve brushed it off, or shouted something offensive back if possible.

A couple of months ago, I was walking home from sixth form with a friend, around 4 p.m., and as we approached her street, a man in a white van drove past screaming, “GET YOUR ASS OUT.”

There was something so aggressive about it that made me feel both terrified and physically ill. After seeing my friend to her house, I had a good ten minute walk to mine, the entirety of which I spent on the phone to my boyfriend trying not to cry. I’m sick of feeling vulnerable and scared every time I leave the house and being treated like a slab of meat with tits. I want to be able to live the rest of my life without worrying about being grabbed at by a sorry excuse for a human being. It’s not okay.

– DWM

Location: Calcott Road, Bristol, UK

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USA: Empowering, Educational Event in Chicago

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By Phaydra Babinchok, Chicago, IL, USA, SSH Safe Public Spaces Mentee

In addition to creating three short films as part of the Stop Street Harassment’s Safe Public Spaces Mentoring Program, we created a fun event for screening the films. With the $250 stipend provided I was able to book a performance space at Studio Be a nonprofit theatre. The screening was held on the afternoon of Sunday October 13.

I wanted to create a comedy event about street harassment. Because it is such a serious issue I feel it needed a light-hearted touch to make it a more approachable subject. My friend Alicia Sowisdral is a feminist comedian and host of Pop Goes Alicia a live monthly pop culture show about gender. I reached out to her and she gladly agreed to be the host for the event.

Stop Calling Me Baby, a comedy event about street harassment, still needed a few performers before it would be complete. The lineup was rounded out with two stand-up comedians and a spoken word performer. As I said before, I feel it is important to include men in the discussion so one of the stand-up comedians was a man.

The stand-up comedy was interspersed with a powerful spoken word performance. The performances ended with a hilarious stand-up set about street harassment by Marla Depew. Who knew street harassment could make one laugh so hard.

Then it was time to debut the films. They were projected onto a large screen and I stayed behind the curtain during the screening because I was nervous that the films wouldn’t go over well. I had anxiety that the films might possibly upset people because we are in a way making fun of a serious issue. However, my anxiety was quickly alleviated by the audience’s laughter.

Once the films were done screening Alicia led a Q&A with the audience and writers of the films. Again I was nervous that there would be a critical or judgmental question about the films, but the audience really liked them. We were able to talk with the audience about how street harassment is a daily issue that most women have to deal with. People in the audience shared personal stories of experiences of street harassment.

Overall, the event turned out exactly as I had wanted. It was empowering, educational, and fun for all.

Phaydra Babinchok is a feminist activist based in Chicago. She is the Director of SlutWalk Chicago and Chapter Leader of Chicago’s Women, Action, and the Media. She works at Sarah’s Circle, a program that helps homeless women.

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USA: Spoofing eHarmony Commercials

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By Phaydra Babinchok, Chicago, IL, USA, SSH Safe Public Spaces Mentee

I was excited upon learning about Stop Street Harassment’s Safe Public Spaces Mentoring Program. I had wanted to do an activist project concerning street harassment and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. As an aspiring feminist filmmaker I knew I wanted to pitch a creative project involving film since I think it is the best medium for educating. Since the majority of films about street harassment are documentaries or have a serious tone I knew I wanted to do the complete opposite and approach street harassment from a comedic viewpoint.

Humor is one of our most powerful tools; it is subtle and doesn’t make people defensive. I initially pitched three short films. The first film was going to be a role reversal or satire of the sexes where a man was being catcalled by women. The second film was going to be a woman talking to the camera asking the questions from the catcaller questionnaire. The third film was going to show a street harasser getting escalating warnings for his behavior. For his first offense he was going to be sprayed with a spray bottle, for his second offense he was going to be squirted with a squirt gun, and then as his final warning he was going to be sprayed with a super soaker.

There were multiple meetings with varied groups to develop the films. There was a meeting with fellow feminists and during that meeting it was suggested that the third film idea of giving escalating warnings was trivializing street harassment. An alternative idea of creating “Shit Street Harassers Say” was suggested. During the meeting with feminists I kept emphasizing that the films were supposed to be funny and not serious, but this idea wasn’t really supported. I then held a meeting with community activists and we storyboarded the first film concept of reversing the roles. I sent the storyboard to Holly and Jaclyn Friedman and their feedback was that men aren’t afraid of women so was there any way to change it show real fear. I didn’t think that would be possible to do while still retaining a comedic viewpoint so the film was dropped.

There was a final meeting with comedians and this is when a whole new concept was developed. We decided to parody the E-Harmony dating site commercials. We wanted to develop one film about a couple who met and started dating because of street harassment.

In the end we developed three videos each written by a different comedy writer, two of whom are men. I feel it is important to involve men in feminist issues instead of just merely lecturing to them. All the language in the films is deliberate. “When Fairies Attack” reverses the usual scenario of straight men street harassing gay men because of their sexuality. The term bitch is used to emphasize how demeaning street harassment is. “He’s Just Not Into That” was written because we didn’t want the men to feel left out and to acknowledge that men do get street harassed. I wrote “Damsel In Distress” to poke fun at the common belief that it is not safe for a woman to walk alone and that she needs a man a “good guy” to protect her.

They are available online – please share – and we showed them at an event in Chicago in October.

Phaydra Babinchok is a feminist activist based in Chicago. She is the Director of SlutWalk Chicago and Chapter Leader of Chicago’s Women, Action, and the Media. She works at Sarah’s Circle, a program that helps homeless women.

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“The good people outnumber the bad”

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This story has both the good and the bad in it. Bad news first (it is a harassment story, after all).

I was waiting for the Q train at Union Square, probably about 11:30 or so at night. I hardly ever go out socially at night without my husband. As much as I hate that that’s the only way I actually feel safe enjoying the city at night, it’s my preference. In this case, I was coming from an important function for my law journal – of course I’m not going to let the creeps deter me from my responsibilities and work/school life.

I was standing at the platform, when a man half-swaggers/half-shuffles in front of me, mumbling incoherently. I try ignoring him, but he’s clearly mumbling at me, so I ask, “What?” After more mumbling, I say – tersely, I might add, since I was on my guard about this guy from the start – “I cannot understand a word you’re saying.” He replies with a barely-comprehensible “Can I getchyo number?” I said “No.” without looking at him. He, the mumbling buffoon, immediately takes it upon himself to reply, “Whatever, you’re a fucking slut, anyways.”

Now, I was tired after a very long and active day, but it just made my blood boil so much that I turned around to him as he was shuffling away, “EXCUSE ME? You don’t even know me! I happen to be married and you CANNOT talk to me like that!” Then, losing his mumble, he shouted back. “No you’re not, you’re not married, don’t lie, you’re just a fucking whore.” I lost my head; I could barely see; I was so enraged and exhausted, that I just kept screaming at him “I’m married; leave me alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone.” He kept at it for a while, calling me every kind of name in the book, all because I had the good sense to not give my number to some creep in the subway at midnight.

People saw. People stared. And he walked away quickly, since by now all eyes were on him, having watched him torment me. Here comes the good part.

As the trembling dissipated and the wave of fear started to dissipate and tears were welling in my eyes, the most wonderful girl, about my age, put her arm strongly around me and asked if I was okay. The Q was approaching and she asked if this was my train, since she wanted to be sure I wasn’t going to be stuck on a train for thirty minutes with this creep. Fortunately, he was long gone. We both got on and then had a great conversation about just the kind of things this blog talks about. I told her about SSH, and she told me about a great non-profit called Groove With Me that she works for, which focuses on empowering young women.

I felt a lot calmer with a kind stranger to talk to, and I also enjoyed being able to talk about these issues right after a perfect example, in front of a bunch of commuters who witnessed the whole t hing. In fact, as I left the train and was walking the short distance to my apartment, a young guy walking a few paces ahead of me turned and also politely asked if I was okay. He had seen it as well. I thanked him and said I was okay now, and just happy to be getting home. I also voiced my frustration at how awful it is to be so disrespected just for being a woman. He was understanding and wished me a good night.

When it comes down to it, the good people outnumber the bad.

– KN

Location: Union Square, Manhattan

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
Check out the new book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers!

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