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“Rating me out of 10 right in front of me”

July 22, 2013 By Contributor

I am 13 years old and was at school outside having lunch with my friends when a group of school year 11 boys come up to us.

Then then start asking us if we want to give them blow jobs or f*** them. At this point I’m bright red, embarrassed and ashamed.

One of them noticed and got one of his mates to help block me off from my friends who didn’t notice because of the other guy. They then blatantly looked me up and down and had a convocation rating me out of 10 right in front of me and also talked about various girls that they had ‘done’.

I always thought that in a situation like that I would be strong enough to defend myself, able to tell them to back off, go away you’re in my personal space and I’m not comfortable. Sadly that wasn’t the case.

I hate slut shaming but the only thing that came to my mind was what I managed to stutter out, a very weak and quiet ‘man-whores’ one of them leaned up close and said, ‘that’s not a bad thing babe’ and they finally left.

I felt so weak and pathetic to the point that I dimmed it down to ‘not a big deal’ and pretended I was okay. It wasn’t.

Harassment is a real issue and I for one am sick of it.

– Anonymous

Location: Auckland, New Zealand

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Filed Under: Stories

Street Harassment: Pervasive, But Not Unstoppable

July 21, 2013 By Contributor

Cross-posted with permission from JulieMastrine.com

Image by Julie and her sister Amy

Street harassment is a global human rights problem, one that I’ve been working to combat for about two years now. As a Stop Street Harassment volunteer,  I’m educated on the issue and work to help others identify these incidents and fight back when they occur, but I’m still left reeling and uncomfortable when it happens to me. And in the span of just one day this week, I was harassed four times by men in my area.

I’m currently living in State College, PA, a “college town” by any means. Home to Penn State University, every four years a new crop of undergraduate students take over the area, bringing with them the customs, norms and attitudes they’ve picked up from their respective hometowns. Penn State students hail from many corners of the country, whether it be a small town in Western PA, a suburb in New Jersey, or a city block in New York. I’ve met students from as far and wide as Hawaii, Florida, and Alaska.

But the fact that many of these students assert their power over women and LGBTQ persons by harassing them in public spaces — mostly by making sexual comments — speaks volumes as to the pervasiveness of street harassment globally. Each of these students come from different corners of the world, but street harassment is a societal norm they’ve all managed to pick up on. Year after year, it’s astonishing that this is an activity they all seem to know of and perpetrate, despite their varied backgrounds.

This weekend, I grabbed a book and threw on my bathing suit, heading to a nearby grassy knoll to sunbathe with my twin sister, Amy. We were able to enjoy just a few minutes of peace in the July heat when a man in a truck drove by, honking, leering and waving at us from the road. He had to have been over the age of 60, and I was thoroughly grossed out. I took solace in the fact that there was some physical distance between us, him on the road and me in the grass, so I flipped him off with a wry smile and continued reading. But that wasn’t the last of the objectification we’d experience that day.

Fast forward to 10 p.m. My sister and I were heading to a friend’s apartment for drinks when a group of three guys walking in front of us turned around, looked at us and started to slow down until they were walking next to us. Feeling my personal space violated by these strangers, I immediately tensed up and went silent.

“Hey, where are you girls from?” one of them asked.

Summer in State College is generally made up of permanent residents and freshmen getting a jump start on their classes, downing one too many Natty Lights in the process. My sister, sensing from their scrawny legs and general unease that they were freshmen, let out a groan and replied, “I graduated…sooo I’m way older than you,” hoping they’d get the hint we were young working professionals who were uninterested in their advances.

The guys sauntered off, but later that night, yet another group approached us on the street. It was a pack of an intimidating number of men — about 10 by my count, bleary-eyed from too many shots and walking in a triangular formation with one shorter dude leading the pack.

“Hey ladies!” he shouted in our faces as we passed.

“Ugh, dammit!“ Amy yelled back.

“Stop harassing me!” I shouted over my shoulder.

We were met with confused looks by the entire posse, clearly shocked that a female stranger on the street didn’t appreciate their scrutiny.

Three incidents of harassment in one day is enough, but a few hours later, as we headed to a birthday party, the same group of guys passed us again.

“Oh, we already tried to talk to those girls,” the pack leader said, smirking at us and then turning to his friend to make some other inaudible comments about our outfits. It would appear they’d been making a sport of harassment that night.

“Oh my GOD,” Amy shouted, even more exasperated this time. “My outfit is NOT an invitation!”

We were a few beers deep by this point and continued to yell at the men about how they should stop feeling entitled to women’s attention. But the damage had been done. During each of these instances the unwanted attention made me uncomfortable to the point that I froze up and even stumbled when it came to reasserting my power by shouting back, something I’d made a point to do as a personal rebellion against this type of behavior when it occurs (at least when I felt safe enough).

It’s also important to remember that instances like this can escalate into something much scarier and threatening. The day before my fourfold experiences with street harassment, a friend pulled me aside to spell out what happened to her on the way to work that week. On an otherwise silent 8 a.m. bus, a man sat down near her and started watching porn on his mobile device, then got an erection. Because she was going to work, she couldn’t just get off at the next stop to avoid him — she was forced to ride the entire trip with him nearby. What’s worse: he exited the bus at her stop.

My friend was able to make it safely to work despite the scare, and I encouraged her to alert the bus driver or even snap a picture and alert the police should he appear again. These incidents show that street harassment is something you never really “get used to” or accept as a compliment, as society would have women do. Each incident is jarring — annoying at the least and downright threatening and scary at the worst.

As the summer months wind down, I know this won’t be the last I’ll endure or hear about street harassment — but it sure feels good to let harassers know you’re on to their shtick and aren’t going to let them continue without knowing you’re pissed. Check out this list of assertive responses to street harassment to arm yourself if it happens to you. We may not be able to control when this problem targets us, but the least we can do is tackle it on an individual basis. Street harassment is pervasive, yes — but not unstoppable.

Julie Mastrine is a writer, PR professional, digital strategist, and experienced community outreach coordinator based in State College, PA. She’s currently a ghostwriter whose work is regularly featured in Mashable, Forbes, Business Insider, Inc. Magazine, and Inside Higher Ed. When she’s not helping clients boost their online presence, Julie volunteers in community outreach positions. She’s a social media volunteer for Stop Street Harassment and has a passion for educating others on social justice issues and organizing civic engagement efforts.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“I don’t like you, I like her”

July 20, 2013 By Contributor

So I take the train every morning to school and I noticed this guy had his phone pointed at me, and I assumed he took a picture of me since he kept looking at me and I saw he went on his picture gallery on his phone. When he noticed me looking at what he was doing on his phone, he put his phone in his pocket. The next day, he was at my train stop again, and I always take the train at a specific time, and I guess he does too or I’m not sure if he is stalking me now. Ever since, I see him everyday and I told my friends and he still keeps looking at me and my friend confronted him and she said in Spanish (he was Hispanic),

“What are you looking at?” (Que midas) He replied, “I don’t like you, I like her” (No me gusta tu, me gusta aya).

Excuse my Spanish but that’s what happened and now I’m permanently traumatized. Every time I see him he points his phone at me now and one time I saw an Asian wearing only under wear on his home screen. He is disgusting and a pedophile but I don’t have evidence to report him??? I even switched my ways getting to school, but the train is easiest and fastest for me to get to school. If he ever goes beyond this, I will call authorities and I even said that to him.

HE EVEN SITS NEXT TO ME ON THE TRAIN AND HE WHISPERED SOMETHING TO ME BUT I CANT SPEAK FLUENT SPANISH! So creepy!

– Anonymous

Location: Los Angeles, CA

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“It’s not harassment to tell someone they are sexy.”

July 19, 2013 By Contributor

I know this might not be as bad as other people’s stories but I got hassled in the street this morning. Some random drunk man (yes it was 11 a.m.) started shouting, “Oi sexy!” over and over.

At first I didn’t think he was talking to me as it is a busy inner city street but them he adds ,”Yeah you in the white skirt,” (which was full length by the way. Not sure why I feel the need to say what I was wearing but it’s seems woman have to justify that they were not being provocative.).

At this point I sped up, still ignoring him. His female friend laughed out loud and said, “Shane, that’s sexual harassment.” You could tell by her tone that she was joking though. He replied with more shouting directed at me. “It’s not harassment to tell someone they are sexy. Is it sexy? Oi!”

Luckily I had to turn off at that point so I lost them in a crowd but the whole thing made me feel really uneasy and uncomfortable. I wish I had had the courage to tell him and his friend that yes actually it is harassment to heckle someone in the street like that. I feel silly for being so upset about it, especially as I’m not a young girl, I’m almost 30 and not used to this kind of thing.

– Vic

Location: Norwich, UK

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Street Respect: “Nice Glasses!”

July 16, 2013 By Contributor

I was at an event and walking past a guy who looked like he was going to say something. It ended up being ,”Nice glasses,” in a totally friendly respectful tone. He was wearing a similar pair. I returned the compliment. It made me feel less afraid and happy that someone noticed my glasses. They are pretty cool!

– Anonymous

Location: Toronto, Canada

This is part of the series “Street Respect. “Street respect” is the term for respectful, polite, and consensual interactions that happen between strangers in public spaces. It’s the opposite of “street harassment.” Share your street respect story and show the kind of interactions you’d like to have in public in place of street harassment.

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Filed Under: Stories, Street Respect

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