I have been street harassed for as long as I can remember. I am now 41. As a kid and teenager, I was usually stunned and just tried to ignore it.

In my twenties, I angrily yelled at harassers and was even known to keep small rocks in my pocket and throw them. NOT recommended. (My ex used to call me her “stone-throwing urban warrioress.”)

Lately, inspired by the kick-ass, global, anti street harassment movement, I have become more confrontational in what I think are productive ways, I finally get that this is not OK. Instead of feeling eternally powerless, because “this is just how life is,” I feel clear that this is illegal and a violation of my human rights. I NEVER let an instance of harassment pass without doing something. And I’ve learned a lot in the process.

What do I do?

I just confront, talk back, even if just in passing. Often by making a public declaration that others can hear, the harasser ends up being shamed (which is appropriate.)

Here are some recent examples: a guy keeps trying to talk to me at an outdoor cafe. I let him know that I do not want company, but I feel uncomfortable because he continues to look at me from his table. Finally, he gets up to leave, and as he passes my table, whispers something (I don’t even remember what.) At that point, I yell, loudly, after him, “Stop harassing me!” Yes, people turned and looked, and he hurried away.

Often, guys do the quiet, gross whispered thing as they pass, and I always exclaim loudly, “What did you say?” They always deny they said anything, so I continue to make a point (in front of others, of course) that he’s lying and is a street harasser. Again, I am clear that the shame is on him.

Society is changing, awareness is growing, and each instance — even just the super-ignorant kissy or clucking sound someone makes from across the street — is an opportunity to help educate another misguided human being. And that is what they are: human beings. Just like me. Not all-powerful. Not entitled to more freedom on the streets. Human beings, capable of being embarrassed, capable of change.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

– Anonymous

I live in a great city for walking, so I get honked or hollared at on a fairly regular basis. The worst are the guys that pace me in their cars, especially when I’m with my kids.

Once, I was walking home from the grocery store with my 7-year-old stepson and my infant daughter. This guy slowed down and said, “Hey” or “hi” or whatever.

I said a quick, “Hey” and literally scurried across the next cross street. I was hesitant to confront the guy because I was worried about the safety of my children and you never know how a guy is going to react.

Instead of driving off, he pulled up a bit and paced me again asking, “How are you doing?”

I stopped and said, “I’d be a whole lot better if you weren’t doing this.”

He responded with, “I understand,” and drove away.

At first, I was relieved and thankful that he left without incident, but then I got angry. If he understood that pacing a woman with his car to hit on her could make her uncomfortable, then why in the hell did he do it?

At least I got an opportunity to educate my boy on how this sort of thing affects woman and hopefully he’ll grow up into a respectful man.

– Robyn

Location: Portland, OR

The first time I experienced street harassment (that I was aware of), I was 14.

It was around 7:30 p.m. I was walking back to the car with my mother and my brother after having dinner at a favorite cafe. We were enjoying the nice night – until we neared our car. A group of young men, obscured in the shadows of a tree, had a megaphone and began shouting at me through it.

My unusually long hair seemed to be their chosen target. They shouted through the megaphone for the whole street to hear that I looked “like a horse or a cow or something,” that they wanted to pull on it while they did me from behind. One of them ‘asked’ if he could cum on my hair.

I was shocked, confused, humiliated, angry, ashamed, and frightened. I was a very sheltered child and I had no idea how to deal with the fact that these strangers were yelling these things at me, in front of my family no less. We hurried to the car and left.

My first experience with overt street harassment was the most blatantly sexually aggressive incident I’ve experienced to date.

To this day it comes to mind and I wish I had done something to confront my harassers, or called the police to alert them of the men harassing passers by, or anything in addition to leaving.  As soon as we had left and I was safely away from them I started wishing I had shouted back at them, that they were losers, were pedophiles, anything – once the fear was removed, the anger simmered.

I hate that they got away with it with no reprimand, no confrontation. I wonder what I would do if I was put in the same situation today.

– TN

Location: Noosa, Qld, Australia