Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Saddening: when women tell other women to just “deal” with street harassment

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So here we go. Another week of idiots thinking they can hiss and catcall to me. For no reason at all. Ok so it hasn’t been all that bad this time but it still left me feeling annoyed.

Harasser 1) I’m sitting on a bus with my boyfriend, then we decide to move seats because there wasn’t much leg space. After we move, we hear two young men sitting two seats behind us cough and the word ‘twats’ being said at the same time. I knew it was at us. And I’m sure it wasn’t an accident that they somehow came out with that word when they coughed! And both of them as well. Hmmm.

Harasser 2) Still on the bus, almost at our destination. I look out the window and see a van. And surprise surprise, I saw a nice view of a middle finger sticking up at the back window. Charming. What could I of done? Smiled and waved? Of course not. I happily gave them the finger back! Before the idiots drove on.

Harasser 3) This happened the day after. I was walking home from my boyfriends house and I wasn’t in a very good mood. Well certainly not in the mood to be whistled at! Yep, but thats what happens when you are in a ‘don’t mess with me’ mood and you have the ‘don’t mess with me’ look on your face. It’s called intimidation!

Dam so I’ve really taken some crap this week. As I said, it’s not really shocking or anything but still frustrating! I’ve had enough. I can’t go anywhere…

[Editor’s note: Here is a second submission from Clarice]

I do apologise, I know I’ve already sent one story yesterday but I just have to add this bit in… First of all, I had another harasser. This was after I sent the story. So… Harasser 4) I’m waiting for a bus to go home from the supermarket and just as the bus was coming, two boys on bikes rode past and shouted BITCH! at me. I could not say anything back to them. I was livid. It ruined my evening and I felt powerless. What did I do to deserve this crap? And to top it off, when I told my gran she just laughed and said ‘perhaps it wasn’t aimed at me’. It was.

Then to get my frustration out, I ranted about street harassment on an anger site. Most of the responses I had were awful. One said ‘you love it you slut’ another ‘show us your tits bitch’ and the one that saddened me the most was from a woman telling me it’s what men do and I should deal with it.

Yeah sure. Fine. Im a woman and because I have a vagina then I should deal with it. Ok from now on I will, after all boys will be boys (sarcasm)

– Clarice

Location: Wales, UK

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“Can I have a pair of your panties?”

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I get street harassed A LOT. I have had a man touch my ass on the bus twice, had a guy touch himself while sitting next to me on the bus while looking at me, have had disgusting things said and shouted and whispered to me on the street.

Once I was on a fairly full bus- a guy came up to me and asked me quietly if he could ask me a question. I presumed he wanted to ask directions or something, so I said ok and he said, “Can I have a pair of your panties?” I said “excuse me?” and he repeated it in a disgusting voice. I raised my voice and replied so the whole bus could hear me, “EXCUSE ME, DID YOU JUST ASK ME FOR A PAIR OF MY PANTIES? HOW DARE YOU!” and everyone stared at him and he leaped out the door of the bus and ran away. That felt more good than embarrassing.

All of this has happened in Italy. I’m not a hugely attractive girl, I’m just… pretty to those who know me, I suppose, but I don’t stand out too much… I often wear skirts but with black tights and I never wear low cut tops or even high heels. And I don’t even hang around bad areas of the city. It always happens in nice neighbourhoods or in the city centre where I work.

Whenever I am harassed, I’m not usually the best looking or even most provocatively dressed woman nearby. I feel like there is something about my expression or attitude that attracts these guys. I have spoken to my friends about it and no one I know has had anything near the amount of disturbing experiences, even my drop dead gorgeous friends.

Whenever it happens, even though I am almost used to it, I feel frozen with fear and can’t be 100% sure it’s actually happening and not me being paranoid. Like when a guy touches my ass on the bus, I’m not sure.. and then as soon as I get off the bus, I know it was for real and I should have done something to shame the guy. It makes me sick to the stomach and is no way flattering. I know it’s not meant to be flattering, it’s meant to make you feel sick or angry or intimidated. The thing is, if you complain about it you end up looking vain or something. I really hate it but people just shrug and say “you’re a pretty young girl, it happens.” Well I don’t see the model-type girls in bare legs and hotpants getting harassed.

– JT

Location: Turin, Italy

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“What are you doing, black girl? Practicing to be a whore?!”

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I was walking up 6th Avenue and stopped to check something on my phone when this guy came up behind me and said, “What are you doing, black girl? Practicing to be a whore?!”

I was shocked but managed to pretend that I didn’t even hear him. He walked on a little further, proceeding to yell at any other black woman that passed him by, for absolutely no reason. He asked one how much it’d cost for a blowjob (apparently he only had $3 on him), told one pregnant woman that her “pussy will be mad loose in a few weeks”, and loudly accused a very old woman of asking sexual favors. No one acknowledged him, which seemed to be irritating him, but I wonder if “men” like this will ever meet their match.

– Gab

Location: Chelsea, NYC

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“It made ME feel like the one that was wrong”

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I have been harassed only twice in my life, but when it did happen, I felt shame, disgust and horror. I didn’t understand why I thought it was my fault, and I still don’t.

What happened was I went to help an old teacher out at a prom where he was taking pictures. He was a respectful elderly man, and I was happy to do it for him. I decided to dress up in a nice dress and I felt really good about myself. And then when I got there, his ‘associate’, an older man (but not as old as him) pinched my butt. Everything froze and I felt so dirty. I stayed the whole night helping my old professor, but I could see the other guy trying to catch my eye all night long. It was so disgusting and I felt really betrayed even though I knew that my professor wouldn’t have condoned that type of behavior.

And when I got home, I didn’t know how to tell my mom. When I did she was so unmoved and I didn’t understand how she couldn’t see what was wrong but she thought that I should take it as a compliment. WTFFF? Even worse, she told my dad that an elderly man had complimented me, and I couldn’t even talk to him about it. I know how small a thing it is to be groped, but it hurt so much because it made ME feel like the one that was wrong.

– Mag

Location: Poughkeepsie, New York

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Stopping harassers

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Was walking to a friend’s house in the early hours, heard someone shouting from a car at a woman walking in the opposite direction. The car was a Nissan Micra with three or four men in it. I watched as they stopped in the road and then began to slowly reverse back down the road with the window rolled down, obviously intending to pull level with the woman and follow her.

I started walking over towards the car, when the driver spotted me approaching he drove away. I caught up to the woman and asked if she was okay, if she was near home etc, had a short conversation with her, she seemed okay. This happens to my friends a lot, I’m very used to hearing about it, was glad to be there to do something about this time.

– p p bloxham

Location: Camden Town, London

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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