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“I thought it was normal to feel unsafe”

June 1, 2015 By Contributor

I am 48 years old now, I lived through one attempt of rape when I was 15, four men showing me their private parts (once in the train, once when I went home on my bike and two times when I was horse riding in the woods), three men grabbing and touching me in shops and bars. And probably a hundred times of being yelled at, hissed at, asked for my phone number, and comments about my tits etc. etc… the more ʺmildlyʺ stuff. 🙁

When I was young I thought it was normal to feel unsafe. It didn’t occur to me that it is not normal at all, but it is. I have three daughters, it is hard to explain why men behave like they do. That you cannot feel safe and you have to be careful not to give them an excuse to harass you, because they will and they will probably get away with it.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

I think we have to make men aware of the fact that a woman always needs to be careful around them and feels they cannot be trusted. That we feel unsafe if we are in an alone situation with them, every woman feels it! And not without reasons.

– Jill Kramer

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

2015 International Anti-Street Harassment Week Report

June 1, 2015 By HKearl

2015endsheweekcover

Our report features the actions of groups and organizations in 41 countries and 24 U.S. states and Washington, D.C.! Wow, it was an amazing week of activism.

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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week

NCCWSL and Awesome Con

May 31, 2015 By HKearl

NCCWSL CASS SSHOn Friday, I co-presented with Collective Action for Safe Spaces (CASS) at the AAUW/NASPA National Conference for College Women Student Leaders at the University of Maryland College Park. We talked to 25 college women from across the nation about street harassment and how they can use activism, teaching, and writing to make concrete change and sway opinions.

There was a portion of time for people to share stories and it ran over because so many people wanted to share recent experiences they’d had on and around campus. The most heartbreaking story came from a transwoman of color who was followed by men to her campus and they would not leave until she and several other students came out to confront them. She said she felt lucky she had back up. Her concern for her safety is very justified and she talked about thinking regularly about transwomen who are attacked and killed in public spaces simply for being their authentic self.

5.31.15 Awesome Con, DC collageOn Saturday and Sunday, I assisted Feminist Public Works/Geeks for Consent and CASS in tabling at Awesome Con in Washington, DC. Those organizations have done a lot of work to help the conference organizers address harassment (e.g. training volunteers to assist those who have been harassed, posting signs about consent and no harassment, etc). I spoke with many people who said they felt there was a better culture of respect this year and that they felt safe etc.

On Saturday as we were wrapping up, a man stopped by to say he had stopped 8 people from taking photos of others without first seeking consent to do so.

Today, two people who stood out to me the most were a mom who stopped by with her 13ish-year-old son and took lots of materials about consent and told him he should talk to his friends about consent (yes!) and the mom who stopped by with her three daughters who looked like they were all under 12. She also grabbed a lot of materials and said to them, “You haven’t been harassed yet but you will be soon enough.” It’s good she’s thinking about how to help them when the inevitable happens… but how said that it is inevitable.

All told, both events were a great opportunity to talk one-on-one about street harassment with people from all over the country and learn about their experiences and offer them support.

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Filed Under: Events, SSH programs, street harassment Tagged With: awesome con, NCCWSL

France/Brazil: “The only curse is society itself”

May 31, 2015 By Correspondent

Luiza Pougy Magalhaes, France/Brazil, SSH Blog Correspondent

I am very mouthy and outspoken, so I find it very difficult to keep my mouth shut when I am catcalled. However, I know from experience, that a smart-reply can put me in a dangerous situation, so I usually don’t say anything. Instead, I rely on my friends to listen to my rants regarding the issue. Often, I’m told to just ignore it. Well, I wish I could. Unfortunately, I have always been very bothered by what people have to say about me.

As a child, I was a late bloomer. I was also an awkward little girl with pale skin, big round glasses, frizzy hair and a shy personality. Of course, people loved to point that out. They made me believe that these were not just insecurities of mine, but actual flaws. I felt ugly, and therefore, I was unworthy.

Then, puberty finally caught up with me. My unkempt hair turned into flowy and wavy locks, contact lenses replaced my glasses, and my white skin and slim frame suddenly became charming. There was a new found attention on me. I finally felt beautiful and that made me feel like I owned the world.

I made the streets my catwalk. My clothes became shorter, tighter and there was make-up on my face. That shy girl had emerged into a young woman with overflowing self-confidence, a handful of sass, and a hint of superiority.

However, I soon came to realize that not all attention is positive. You see, a lot of it was unwanted and unflattering. Strangers were shouting at me, cars were honking and men were staring. There was whistling, glaring and catcalling. Just like that, I no longer felt beautiful and wonderful, but instead, dirty and disgusted.

I was no longer a girl, or a woman, not even a human being. I was an object of sexual desire. It was repugnant, and it was exhausting. My confidence changed into fear and my walk became uncomfortable. My routes were no longer determined by convenience, but by likelihood of harassment. My sass and superiority developed into anger and revolt. It was beyond me how such repulsing words could be masked as compliments.

One day when I’d had enough, I decided to swap my short skirts for sweat pants, and to ditch my make-up and contact lenses. Surely enough that would stop them. If only I was right.

As a child, I felt cursed for not being beautiful, but as time passed, I had begun to feel that beauty was the actual curse. However, that day I understood that actually, the only curse is society itself.

It saddens me to say that I was, and still am, a victim of the hideousness that is today’s society. One that is capable of making a little girl feel unworthy and a young woman demeaned. All because of her looks.

And there’s so little I can do about it.

Harassment has nothing to do with beauty or choice of clothing. Harassment is never the fault of the victim, and unfortunately, can’t be avoided in any way. The same applies for any kind of violence against women, for that matter.

Unfortunately, the ones who hold all the power are those who choose to harass. And I don’t know why they do it either. Maybe to feel in control and dominant, to disempower women, to reassure their masculinity or maybe, it’s just sexual frustration. For whatever reason it may be, it needs to stop. Harassment has impacted me greatly, and it continues to everyday.

The saddest part for me is knowing fully well that I have had it easy. There is an abundance of girls and women out there fighting much harder battles than mine. When will society realize that these battles are all of ours to fight? When will the urgency of this issue sink in? I hope, for me and all girls and women out there, soon.

Luiza is a 20-year-old from Brazil who considers herself a citizen of the world. As a teenager she moved to Singapore and now she studies International Business in France.

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Filed Under: correspondents, Stories, street harassment

USA: “The clothes we wear are not for you”

May 29, 2015 By Correspondent

Liz Merino, Massachusetts, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

Boston, by Liz Merino
Boston, by Liz Merino

Nothing makes me happier than the time surrounding dusk on a summer night. Though quick to set, walking under the sun and into the stars is both a beautiful and humbling experience.

I walk my dog, Clancy, down a main street and into the surrounding neighborhood in Dedham, MA. One street in particular is my favorite, with a winding curve, a canopy of trees and the Charles River along its edges.

What I don’t enjoy, though, is the street harassment that accompanies my nightly walks. Beeping car horns, tires slowing down and yelling out of windows is not what I want, or need, when I leave my home. And I know I’m not alone.

“Everyone seems to go crazy in the summer… When I lived Downtown there was one day I got hit on 13 times, just wearing a white tank top and shorts. Half of the men were yelling at me from across the street, yelling ‘hey baby’…. after an hour and a half I just went home. Later on I changed my outfit,” said Boston resident Stephanie Pan.

According to 2014 Stop Street Harassment statistics, 65 percent of women have suffered from street harassment in the U.S.

Maybe I should just suck it up and ignore it. It becomes so routine that most of the time I do. But my mother always worries, and in that, I suppose I should remain aware. If I’m staring at the vivid blue sky as I leave my office in Boston for too long or gaze into the accompanying woods along my Dedham walk, who will be staring back unbeknownst to me? A stare? A long look of undressing, stripping layer of layer of my clothes off my body, is more what I should call it.

“When walking through Boston, I find ignoring it to be the best solution, but it’s not a panacea. The anxiety reverberates. I always have a plan of escape ready, and think of what items in my bag are easily accessible and can double as self-defense weapons. I understand that sometimes it’s meant to be harmless or a compliment, but that does nothing to pacify the fear because letting your guard down means being more vulnerable than you already are,” said Rachael Durant, a Framingham resident interning in Boston for the summer.

I don’t want to be called baby or sexy when I’m walking anywhere during my day or night. I definitely don’t need to be told to come over and f*** you either, because you’re sitting in the safety of your car, and the traffic light is turning green, and you’re gone but your words are still echoing around my ears.

I didn’t leave my house for you.

I walk three blocks on my way to work in the financial district. Some mornings are great, the sun shines and with an iced coffee in hand I enjoy a quiet walk before my day begins. Other days though, are not as pretty.

Instead of the beeping horns as in my walks in Dedham, I am accompanied by close, under the breath remarks and whistles I wouldn’t even use on my dog. It comes from all types of men, some my age, some old enough to be my father.

I usually return a hard stare, a few choice words of ‘don’t talk to me like that,” or ‘who do you think you are?’.

“I logically know that not every person I pass, specifically a man, is looking to attack me… I shouldn’t walk with headphones in so I can hear if someone’s coming up behind me. If I walk closer to the street, it’s easier to get away,” said Berklee College of Music student Kathlynn Sell about an area of Boston near her school.

I actually had a man almost follow me my whole way to work last week. I noticed him staring at me on the subway. After we made eye contact he looked away, but throughout the ride I could feel his eyes on me as I read my book. As I left the subway station and looked back he was there, and again when I looked back at the next corner. I walked into a Dunkin Donuts and prayed that when I came out, he would be gone. He was.

A million thoughts ran through my head. What if it wasn’t bustling Boston rush hour? Would someone have helped me if I screamed or caused a scene? What if it was night and I was alone?

“Before I left for college, my dad wanted me to take a self-defense class. I didn’t. But when I moved into my first apartment, he made me bring an aluminum bat that I kept near the door – so that should give you an idea of what he’s told me over the years: ‘Don’t throw the first punch, but come back swinging,’ said Boston resident Alex Lane.

As summer sets in, please remember that bare arms, naked legs and pretty dresses are not an invitation to make comments at me, or about me, or any other women you may see.

The clothes we wear are not for you. Like most people, I’m just trying to get to my job, back to my house, and enjoy my walk along the way.

When does street harassment start? Who does it happen to? Why does it happen?

In reality, it knows no age, color or sexual preference.

“My mother is very paranoid, she was so paranoid that when I was younger she made me take Tai Kwon Do classes, she made me carry an umbrella, knives. When I turned 16, my dad bought me a Taser,” said Pan.

The list of reasons why street harassment happens would be exhaustive to write, and for you to read. But the fact that it happens, I think, is enough to reflect on for now, and how you will challenge it next time it appears in front of your eyes, because it will.

Liz is a recent graduate of Hofstra University with a Bachelor of Arts Journalism degree. She is currently a staff writer for a marketing agency in Boston. Follow her on Twitter @slizmerino and Instagram @elizabethmerino93.

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Filed Under: correspondents, Stories, street harassment

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SSH will not publish any comment that is offensive or hateful and does not add to a thoughtful discussion of street harassment. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, disabalism, classism, and sexism will not be tolerated. Disclaimer: SSH may use any stories submitted to the blog in future scholarly publications on street harassment.
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