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“Why are you playing so hard to get?”

June 17, 2014 By Contributor

Saturday, before dusk while the sun was still shining, I decided to walk home through Prospect Park, alone, like I do more often than I could ever count. I was the jerk walking the wrong way on the bike/jogger loop from Grand Army Plaza to the south east gate, because it’s quicker to get home that way.

I notice a young man giving directions to a couple. I pass them. I hear a call from the young man I passed, but assume he’s calling after the couple he just gave directions to. I keep walking. Suddenly, the man is next to me and says,“Hey.” I don’t make eye contact but mutter, “Good evening” under my breath. He falls back behind me. I can feel him walking behind me, still. He catches up again and says, “Can I get your name?” I say, “No,” keeping my head down, making no eye contact.

He walks ahead of me; I let out a sigh of relief. He stops. As soon as I pass him again, he speaks to me again, “Why are you playing so hard to get?” I look straight ahead and keep walking. He walks behind me. He keeps walking behind me. He passes me. He waits for me to pass him. He follows me again. I take out my phone and furiously text everything to Jarrod, to keep my hands busy, to call for help if it becomes necessary.

I feel the man drop space between us. I don’t dare look over my shoulder. By the time we reach the boat house, where I can hear—I shit you not—the Electric Slide from an ongoing wedding, I don’t sense his presence, and this makes me more nervous. A middle aged man with limited English approaches me on my left to say, “You know that man is following you? You must be careful.” I say, “Yes, I know he’s following me. Thank you for looking.” He says, “I think he’s gone now, but you must be very careful.” I thank him again. I call Jarrod to recount the story, now that I’m s ure the follower was out of earshot. I leave the park, hop in a cab, and don’t go home.

The sun was shining this whole time. We must have passed hundreds of people: cyclists and joggers and fellow walkers and zoo-goers and picnickers and merry-go-rounders and an entire wedding. I was on the well lit, paved path the entire time (though he walked along the wooded space above the curb). Police officers are always circling that road. That’s why I always walk that way–it’s ostensibly the safest. I refuse to not go through the world as an independent person just because I also happen to be a woman. I was wearing jeans and a tee shirt. I engaged as little as possible. I left the park when I approached a gate. I got in a cab. I didn’t go home. An official report would close with, “And then nothing happened,” simply because I eventually made it home safe.

– Anonymous

Location: Brooklyn, New York

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
Check out the new book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers
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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Street Respect: You look “Fancy”

June 16, 2014 By Contributor

Walking down the street Someone shouted that I looked “FANCY” and I appreciated that…because damn it, I did look fancy!

Finally a man had something to say to me that wasn’t about my body. My hair was bouncy and curled and I wore sparkly gold ballerina slippers and a loose fitting sweater… I felt fancy and I guess I looked pretty fancy too.

What can we do create more street respect?

Tell people of its importance. It needs to be engrained in society, that respect is the highest form of flattery.

– Perri

Location: Brooklyn, NY

This is part of the series “Street Respect. “Street respect” is the term for respectful, polite, and consensual interactions that happen between strangers in public spaces. It’s the opposite of “street harassment.” Share your street respect story and show the kind of interactions you’d like to have in public in place of street harassment.

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Filed Under: Stories, Street Respect

“A man approached me closely and try to look under my skirt”

June 15, 2014 By Contributor

A man approached me closely and try to look under my skirt.

– Anonymous

Location: Wembley Park, London, UK

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
Check out the new book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers!
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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Will a fake phone number keep you safer?

June 15, 2014 By HKearl

Via Yahoo! Shine:

“The Rejection Line, and others like it, play kiss-off messages when would-be suitors call. The person (or people) behind a new fake number had a different idea: every text or call is responded to with a quote from feminist activist bell hooks, such as “Whenever domination is present, love is lacking.” hooks is a respected professor, writer, and critic whose best-known book is “Feminism Is for Everybody.” She often talks about the intersection of race, gender, and class issues.

The number, (669) 221-2651, was created by an unknown feminist activist and started gaining attention on Thursday. So far, the creator is remaining anonymous, but she has posted a message on Tumblr. “Next time someone demands your digits and you want to get out of the situation, you can give them this number,” she wrote. “Protect your privacy while dropping some feminist knowledge when your unwanted “suitor” calls or texts.”…

While it may seem mean to give a guy your number only to have it turn out to be a feminist prank, many women have spoken out about the importance of having a fake number. “Oftentimes men become more aggressive when women say they’re not interested,” Jessica Gonzalez-Rojas, executive director of the NLIRH, tells Yahoo Shine. “[Giving out a fake number] is a safety mechanism to avoid any aggressive behavior.”

Sadly, there are many examples of women fearing for their lives simply because they said “no” when a guy asked them out. In April, a Connecticut teen was murdered by a male classmate when she turned down his request to go to the prom with him because she already had a date. Last month, a California man named Elliot Rodger shot and killed six people and injured many others because he was angry about girls not wanting to date or have sex with him.

Holly Kearl, founder of the organization Stop Street Harassment, agrees that many women feel scared to say no to a man. “During one of the 10 focus groups Stop Street Harassment held as part of our new national study on street harassment, a woman in Brooklyn said, ‘I’ve seen a guy knock a girl’s head into a brick wall that she was leaning on behind them because she did not want to talk to him. She was gushing blood. It’s unacceptable.'” Kearl reports. “Sometimes the safest way for a woman to get out of a situation is, sadly, to humor the harasser and if he wants a phone number, to give him a phone number.”

Would you use this fake phone number? Do you think it will help? I love bell hooks but I think perhaps a more direct message to the harasser would sink in beter?

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Filed Under: News stories, Resources, Stories, street harassment

USA: When will street harassment finally be categorized as a crime?

June 15, 2014 By Correspondent

Brittany Oliver, Baltimore, MD, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

Minister Omonte. (Photo Credit: Ministerio de la Mujer/Flickr)

In case you missed it, Carmen Omonte, Peru’s Minster of Women and Vulnerable Populations, announced her intention to include sexual street harassment in the penal code as a crime.

It’s been reported that sexual harassment and assault on the streets of Peru has recently sparked outrage after actress Magaly Solier was assaulted by a man who masturbated behind her at a bus station. In Peru, sexual street harassment is categorized as a civil offense, not a criminal offense.

While I am all for the idea if making sexual street harassment a crime, how many women need to be harassed before people realize it’s a serious issue? Women and girls experience street harassment every day, so why did it take an actress to be harassed for it to be considered a crime? I truly believe if we just dealt with sexual street harassment in the appropriate manner, we wouldn’t need to wait for someone famous to do something about it.

In Baltimore, I really think we could do a lot better. There’s a lot more we can be doing to protect women and girls from street harassment, and as a whole, we just aren’t doing enough. The only organization I know that’s actively doing work on a consistent basis is Hollaback! Baltimore. They have been doing a great job on educating people on what street harassment is and how people can help to stop it.

Here are a few upcoming summer events on their radar:

June 19 – Hollaback! Baltimore will host a Baltimore Bartenders Safer Spaces Meeting, in which they’ll be chatting with bartenders & bar staff from all over the city face-to-face on crisis response skills and ways to intervene while maintaining a women & LGBTQ-friendly environment.

June 24 – Hollaback! Baltimore will be tabling at the 2014 Baltimore Youth Sexual Health Conference, which is geared towards increasing knowledge & skills among youth to promote health behaviors, especially around sexual health.

June 28 – Hollaback! Baltimore will be co-hosting two “Make Your Own Quilt Square” workshops at the Monument Quilt with FORCE: Upsetting Rape Culture. They’ll be working on quilt squares to add to the public monument to support victims of rape and abuse.

While I appreciate everything Hollaback! Baltimore is doing, I still think there are other organizations that can do just as much advocacy around this issue. Just as Carmen Omonte took a stand to stop street harassment in Peru, I feel that our mayor, Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, should take a stand too. Not only should she develop a campaign to educated people on street harassment, but she should also work on making it a criminal offense.

I certainly applaud Peru for it’s efforts, but I really hope Baltimore is not waiting for a celebrity to experience street harassment to push forward in stopping it. Street harassment needs to stop now because it’s affecting people who have to deal with it daily.

Instead of clearing out the encampments of the homeless and criminalizing youth, our mayor and every other politician in the state of Maryland need to focus their energy on real challenges. And street harassment for women, girls and the LGBTQ community is most definitely one of them.

Read more on Peru’s initiatives to ending street harassment.

Brittany Oliver is a recent graduate of Towson University and works in the non-profit communications sector and supports local anti-street harassment advocacy through Hollaback! Baltimore. She blogs at brittuniverse.wordpress.com and publicly rants on Twitter, @btiara3.

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Filed Under: correspondents, Stories, street harassment

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