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“I didn’t ask you to look at me. In fact, I wish you wouldn’t”

September 24, 2013 By Contributor

I had dressed up for an interview and was wearing a bight colored dress. I walked past these two men on the street and one said, “Wow, you are really beautiful.” The other one followed it up with a whistle.

I wasn’t in the mood to talk or argue, so I smiled and continued to walk by. It was only a few steps after that I heard one of them yell, “What, you can’t say thank you?”

That’s when it dawned on me. Why was I obligated to say thank you? He had payed me a compliment, but had I asked him to look me up and down a evaluate me?

For a moment I felt almost naked and a little awkward. Then I felt angry that a man expected me to be grateful that I passed his expectations of what is beautiful.

I turned to him and asked, ‘Why do I need to thank you? Did you do me a favor? Did you help me?”

He looked a little surprised. “You don’t have to be so uptight,” he said.

“I didn’t ask you to look at me. In fact, I wish you wouldn’t.” I then quickly turned around and quickly walked in to the nearest apartment building entrance I could find, scared and hoping they wouldn’t follow. Thank goodness they didn’t.

I’m a happy, confident woman and I consider myself to be pretty. Sometimes I like to wear nice clothes and dress up. But sometimes I feel like I can’t because some one is going to assume I’m doing it to get attention. That I ‘want it’ be it a compliment or sex. I think that’s incredibly assumptive.

Has it ever dawned on these harassers that maybe a person likes to dress up for themselves? That it makes them feel good to look nice. That they could have other things on their mind than ‘getting some’, when they dress up?

It feels like a lose/lose. I’m either pretty and ‘wanting it’, or I’m a stuck up B because I ‘can’t take a compliment’.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

Educate your male friends. Yes I know women do it too, but I have to say that from my point of view it comes from men more.

Give them examples of ‘harmless’ comments and explain to them why a women might feel uncomfortable with it. It’s all subjective after all.

– Frustrated Fem

Location: Downtown Hamilton

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Book Release!

September 23, 2013 By HKearl

The new book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers is officially out! Thank you so much to everyone who shared a story or a photo for inclusion in the book.

It’s available: In paperback for $10, Kindle for $6.99.

Proceeds: 50% of the book profits will fund SSH’s work.

Tweet chat: Join the book launch Tweet Chat tomorrow, Sept. 24, 1 p.m. ET, #50Stories, with @StopStHarassmnt and @FAANmail

Excerpt: Check out an excerpt of the book featuring seven stories on Bitch Magazine’s blog!

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USA: “Titstare”, Harassment Videos, and Claiming Online Spaces

September 22, 2013 By Correspondent

By: Molly Redding, San Francisco, CA, USA, SSH Correspondent

My last blog post was about Carolyn Criado-Perez, who was harassed on Twitter after fighting to get a woman on British bank notes. I’m sad to say that Carolyn has since decided to shut down her Twitter account due to the barrage of threats she received. I’m incredibly upset by this, an action that says to me that we are a culture that can’t tolerate other people and their different beliefs. I only hope that Carolyn continues her fight for women’s rights both on and off the Internet.

Her story, and two other recent incidents, demonstrates how sexism in the tech sector is strong and how it can influence daily behavior, specifically, street harassment.

First, earlier this month, at the start of one of the biggest tech conferences of the year called TechCrunch Disrupt, two men from Australia kicked off the conference by introducing their new app called, ingeniously, TitStare. It was meant to be a parody, but all it did was highlight the idea that women’s bodies in public are men’s property.

The fact that (1) these guys thought up this app, (2) they not only thought it would be hilarious, they thought MANY other people would think it was hilarious and (3) whomever was approving the sessions ALSO thought it would be hilarious, demonstrates just how numb to the idea that women’s bodies on display are public property our culture has become.

Not only that, but it propagates the idea that being ogled is something to be taken lightly and laughed at, as well as accepts men’s behavior as “boys being boys.” All of these ideas, even in subtle humor, continue to perpetuate the acceptance of street harassment in our culture.

To add insult to injury, a 9-year-old girl was in the audience excited to give her own presentation on an app she had created. What kind of messaging about her body, at an incredibly vulnerable age, do you think she received?

(To be fair, TechCrunch has since issued an apology.)

Second, there’s this video: “Sweeping Women Off Their Feet.” In this video, which has been viewed more than one million times, two men walk around their campus grabbing women they don’t know and carrying them off without permission– under the guise of being “gentlemanly.”

This behavior reinforces strict constructs of masculinity and femininity, and what does it say about our culture that these men feel that it is their right to get into a woman’s space and pick her up without her permission? If this isn’t an example of women’s bodies being assumed as public property, I’m not sure I know what is.

Since this was done in a building on a college campus, the women, I assume, felt relatively safe. What if this had been done on a random street corner? At night? What messages are people who watch these videos consuming?

But technology and the Internet aren’t all bad. Websites like stopstreetharassment.org are using the power of Internet messaging to try and spread the opposite message, to try and make people stop, think, and discuss what appropriate interactions in public spaces are.

This week, I was excited to see Jezebel post about a woman who used the “missed connections” section of Craiglist to fight back against her harasser. She employed the power of language to make herself more “human” to her harasser,  an important idea when many of our interactions online and offline are anonymous, allowing harassers to separate their own humanity from the person they are harassing. The harassers never see their victim’s emotions, and so can ignore the fact that they have the same human feelings we all do.

Finally, if you’re like me, you might think that Tumblr posts are an amazing tool for disrupting the social world. Lucky for you, there are many Tumblr sites devoted to combatting street harassment:

http://stopstreetharassment.tumblr.com/

http://fuckyoustreetharassment.tumblr.com/

http://streetharassmenttumblr.tumblr.com/

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/street-harassment

I love that these sites use a combination of pictures, words and videos to contest “normal” social order, help victims realize they are not alone, and provide many, many options for making women’s place in the public world just a little bit easier, and a little bit safer.

Just like the street, the internet is a public space where women can easily be harassed and shamed, but they can also claim the space for their own. So let’s keep claiming – keep writing, keep tweeting, keep posting!

Molly received a graduate degree in International Development and Gender from the London School of Economics in 2011, where her dissertation focused on websites allowing victims of harassment to post about their experiences. She has worked in the non-profit sector for over 10 years. You can follow her on Twitter, @perfeminist.

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Filed Under: correspondents, Stories, street harassment

Buy Your Advance Copy of the New Book!

September 21, 2013 By HKearl

You can buy an advance copy of the new book, 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers, for $10, before it even hits Amazon.com!

 

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Filed Under: SSH programs, Stories, street harassment

“Mind your business”

September 21, 2013 By Contributor

I had an experience with harassment not too long ago. I was about to get on the Metro, so I took the escalator up to the waiting area. I bought my fare-card, then walked towards the slot where I had to insert it. Ahead of me walked an extremely attractive woman who was heading in the same direction. There were not many people in the area, and I saw two of the guards looking at her too long. I knew she was going to get harassed. I could not hear what the guard said to her, but she was disconcerted. She cringed, and walked away quickly. I would have said something, but she was too far away by the time I was at the fare-card slot. Then one of the guards said to me, “Let’s see a SMILE on that pretty face.”

I made eye contact with him and told him firmly (without smiling, of course), “Mind your business.”

He giggled nervously, but did not say anything else. I walked away.

I was disgusted that he was using his time searching for opportunities to make women uncomfortable. Passengers need to be aware that public transportation employees, not just other passengers, abuse their time by making women uneasy.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

Even though what I went through was not as severe as other women’s experiences, it taught me that confronting the behavior has a lot of pluses. It made me feel in control, and it took power away from the guard making the comments to women.

– Anonymous

Location: Franconia, Springfield, VA

[Note: SSH works with the DC Transit Authority on addressing sexual harassment. Anyone who experiences or witnesses it is encouraged to complete this online form to describe what happened. It will help WMATA with their trainings of their employees and their handling of harassment on the system.]

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