I was at the Staples at 19th and L during my lunch break, shopping for a few supplies. As I was browsing their storage clipboards, some guy stood next to me and reached over me to grab something. No “excuse me” or anything. “You’re excused,” I said. He doesn’t respond.
Moments later, he’s standing behind me, saying nothing. I cannot stand it when people hover and wait instead of saying, “Excuse me.” I’ve had so many negative interactions in public that I’m always guarded and on edge about people being too close to me and hovering, so I said, “If you want me to move, all you need to do is say ‘excuse me.’ You hovering behind me is not going to make me move.”
The guy simply stares at me, then seconds later says, “I was about to say ‘excuse me’. You could be a little nicer about it.” Then under his breath, he says, “You bitch.” Oh, the irony of him asking me to be nicer but him calling me a gendered slur.
As much as I wanted to tell the guy to “f*** off!” I didn’t. I said, “I can’t be nice to jerks like you.” He went elsewhere in the store and I went about my business, but my mood was dampened from that interaction. It also didn’t help that when I returned to work, some man asking for change on the street said, “Your dreads are gorgeous!”, when I just wanted to be in my headspace and be left alone. Instead of responding in kind to his unasked for compliment, I just stared at him and kept on moving.
The guy at Staples didn’t fit the stereotype of the crude harasser. This guy was polished and wearing a very sharp and expensive-looking suit. Though I have the most experiences with cruder harassers who hang out on the street corner, this experience was a reminder that a harasser can look like anyone.
This incident was also a reminder that no matter what I do to defend my movement and space in public, I’m always being told that I’m “rude,” “curt,” and “abrupt” in my interactions with people on the street. I’m “defensive” and I have an “attitude.” I’m always being told that I need to change my behavior so I can get along with people better, but rarely does anyone come to my aid and say, “They need to show you more respect.”
People expect me to be a smiling and docile little girl, but that’s not who I am. If I were a guy and had the same interaction with the gentleman who called me a “bitch” at Staples, no one would expect me to soften my approach. If I were a guy, I’d probably receive a high-five.
No matter how many negative interactions I have with people when I’m out in public, I’m not going to change my ways. As I said, being cute and demure is not my way. I’m not changing for anyone.
– Anonymous
Location: Staples at 19th and L, Washington, DC
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