I smile when I’m embarrassed. It’s like laughing when your tickled, it’s not *funny*, it’s just a reaction.

I was stopped at a stoplight, eating some fries from the drive through with the windows down, and a car of three men pulled up along side me. “Hey baby! Didya buy me some? Would you like me to buy you some more?”

The embarrassed smile shows up and my face burns. I don’t respond and face forward.

“C’mon baby, let’s go back for more!”

I feel like my smile is giving him permission to continue, and I can’t reach the passenger side crank to roll up the window (yeah, old school).

Longest red light ever. I was a block from the laundromat I was going to, and I felt the need to make sure my car wasn’t very visible from the main road, in case they decided to stop if they saw it.

I felt ashamed that all I did was smile and blush. I couldn’t help myself, but it seems like consent to them.

– Anonymous

Location: Appleton, WI

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I take dance classes near my apartment and frequently walk down a crowded street to get there. One day I was walking home after an especially intense class, clearly sweaty and out of breath with messy hair. I walked by a man who yelled loudly to his male friends, “OOOOH, WOW, look at Miss All-Natural coming our way.”

I ignored him and kept walking, trying to pass them quickly.

“..that’s a little too natural for me though!” the man added after I refused to respond. He and his friends laughed.

They took up the entire width of the sidewalk, so I had to walk through their group to get by. I walked with my head down. It was humiliating and HORRIFYING to know that people like this exist – people who think it’s okay to yell at a girl on the street, and then make fun of the way she looks when she refuses to respond.

What I look like shouldn’t matter, but I almost felt like how dressed down I was should have been a deterrent for awful guys like this. The incident made me feel like there is absolutely nothing I can do about street harassment. I felt weak and powerless.

– Anonymous

Location: Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles, CA

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Just a warning that I won’t censor what was said to me by the man who recently harassed me – I trust you understand that I’m including the specifics of what he said to convey the whole experience.

This past Saturday night I was walking with my boyfriend to a local restaurant/bar for a casual date. While crossing the street, a car coming from the other side of the inner-section slowed down to let us cross. As they started to approach us, however, the driver cat called at me. I immediately flicked him the bird, as I often do in these situations, but also noticed that he was a pretty large and muscular guy (he was driving a Jeep Wrangler with the doors off). Just as I thought they had passed behind us, he yelled back, “I’LL COME IN YOUR A**, B*TCH!” and drove off in the opposite direction of my boyfriend and me.

I have to admit, I was a little bit shaken by such an aggressive comment, but other people walking near-by had heard it and I didn’t want to seem like I would let someone as disgusting as that man bother me. My boyfriend asked me if I was ok and acknowledged that what had just happened was certainly not ok, but taking my cue, didn’t dwell on the incident. Even though I knew I wasn’t at fault and I had nothing to be ashamed of, I somehow still felt slightly embarrassed. I didn’t worry much about having flicked him off, as it was something I’d had to do several times before, and because he had driven off in a totally different direction.

A couple of blocks past that inner-section, on a street that wasn’t nearly as well lit and without any other pedestrians, however, we were confronted again. The driver and his passenger had looped back through the area and followed us. He slowed his car and yelled at me again: “What you wanna do with that finger, b*itch!?” In an attempt to stand my ground, I immediately chirped back “F*ck off!”, thinking he would continue driving. My boyfriend, a much more calm individual, was taking the scene in and thankfully on much higher alert. Just as I told the guy to f-off, he stopped his car, only a few yards in front of us, got out, and started to approach us. We were alone on a dark stretch of the street, with nobody else around, and in slight disbelief that he had come back around to confront us.

We immediately turned around and began quickly walking/running in the other direction and into the closest bar/restaurant/anywhere with other people, that we could find. It was a really frightening experience that left me angrier and more frustrated with street harassment than I had ever been before.

I don’t know what would have happened if I had been alone, and I don’t even want to think about it. It was scary to see how intent this man was on showing his power, his dominance, his strength over me and my boyfriend, by threatening me/us with rape and violence. It’s infuriating to feel like I couldn’t even stand up for myself. Would he have left us alone if I hadn’t acknowledged his cat call in the first place?

Nobody should have to remain silent and endure harassment for fear of further verbal or physical attacks.

– MT

Location: Canton, Baltimore, MD

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I am an escort, and generally, my work conditions are reasonably safe. However, some of the laws around sex work in Canada make it a bit more difficult to avoid dangerous situations while at work.

For a while, I had a regular client in downtown Vancouver, in the rough part of town. My driver did not like to drop me off in front of his SRO (rooming house) because the police tend to hang around, and he could be charged with ‘living off the avails.’ One night, he dropped me off in the rough part of town on the corner and I had to walk towards the rooming house in my club dress and heels. Five drug dealers who hang out on the corner immediately started aggressively harassing me. “Get over here!” Where are you going looking so hot?’ “Oh yeah baby, come here.”

I told them I was going somewhere. They followed me yelling for a block.

When I got to my client, I was shaking. I took a few deep breaths in the hallway to calm myself down. The session went well. Afterwards, I knew that my driver would be expecting me on the same corner. I called the agency and told them to send him and prepared to walk the gauntlet again.

I decided to play nice with the drug dealers until the driver came back. I flirted a little, told them I’d been dancing at a club and that I was visiting a friend who was down on his luck. I said that my boyfriend would be coming to get me any minute. The whole time, I was terrified. I kept praying that they wouldn’t figure out that I was lying my face off and put two and two together about me being a working girl.

In a culture that treats people in my profession as something less than fully human, street harassment while working can take on an even more sinister feeling. Especially with the amount of street sex workers who have been murdered in this city.

– Carmen

Location: Vancouver

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I was stopping at a convenience store on my way home from running an errand after work. I was dressed in my attire from work that day – a knee-length pencil skirt, short-sleeved top and heels. There were two men loitering outside the store as I entered, and one of them asked me if I had a lighter as I passed. I replied politely (and even apologetically), “No, sorry, I don’t,” and continued into the store.

I noticed while waiting in line that the two men were still outside loitering and talking to other patrons filling their gas tanks, presumably still asking for a lighter. By the time I came out of the store and headed toward my car on the other side of the gas pumps, the men were walking away and were now a short distance down the street. When they saw me, they turned and started walking back, shouting in my direction. I momentarily ignored them and began getting into my car, but before I closed the door I heard one of their shouts, “With a body like that, ma…”

I stood up back out of the car and turned to them and shouted back directly and clearly, “Don’t talk to me like that; don’t talk to anyone like that; and I didn’t ask what you think of my body,” and got back into the car.

They continued walking back toward me, still shouting/commenting to me, though I now had the car door closed and could no longer hear them. Before I drove away, I noticed that a truck with two men inside had pulled up next to me and were yelling back at the two loiterers on foot. I assume by their intervention and sympathetic looks that they were defending me and/or yelling at the men for their comments. It made me really proud for speaking up and proud that there are bystanders who will step in and do the right thing, too.

As always, I credit this community for the awareness and encouragement of standing up against street harassment. These stories and dialogues enable me to envision how I could handle harassment before it occurs, so when it does I am prepared and not flustered or caught off guard. I love that this community helps us all stand up for ourselves, influence others, and ultimately effect positive change. Thanks & kudos to everyone who contributes to these discussions.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

– Sarah

Location: Valero Corner Store, US Hwy 281 N just south of Thousand Oaks, San Antonio, Texas

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