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“I ran and I ran and then started crying”

December 18, 2015 By Contributor

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go to the gym at about 6 p.m. To get there I walk five blocks, five quite deserted blocks. Since I got robbed very near that street, I don’t like walking there too much because there’s almost no people.

Anyway, I was heading to the gym today at 9:30 a.m. when a guy started to slowly cross the street (heading my way) (I didn’t even realise) only to come close to me and literally whisper “suck my dick for a bit mami”.

In the moment there was NO ONE else around so I started running because it was my first impulse. I immediately thought the guy was running behind me but luckily he wasn’t. I ran and I ran and then started crying because I hate men like that.

It made me feel like I was worth nothing. It made me feel tiny and weak. I felt like he could grab me and do whatever to me right there and I’d be helpless. I was carrying my pepper spray in my hand but didn’t even think about using it at the moment.

Did I do the right thing by running? Do you think I’ll meet that guy again?? There’s always a police officer right next to my house but no police officers in those five blocks. Should I advice that police to place more officers in those blocks?

– Paloma

Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: Argentina

“I’d just been harassed for the first time”

December 11, 2015 By Contributor

So one summer I was hanging out with my best friend for a day. Keep in mind, I was 15 at the time. It was pretty hot out that day, so I had on a fairly light outfit: a pink sundress that fell right between my knees and my fingertips lengthwise, a wide-brimmed sunhat, and a pair of plain white flip-flops.

Her mom came by my apartment and picked me up so I could go over to her house (she lives a little ways out of town, definitely not within walking distance) but they needed to stop at the grocery store first. I went in with them, since I was kind of hungry and had some money on me, with the intention of buying some snacks. They took a little while, since they had a whole list of stuff to get, but all I picked out was a package of brownies from the bakery and a couple candy bars that were on sale. Since they had a full cart and I only had three things, I decided to just go into the express lane while they went through the normal one next to me.

As I was putting my stuff on the counter, though, this creepy guy who had to be 50 or 60 or so with this huge, scraggly beard got in line behind me (there were three other lanes open) and started putting his stuff on the conveyor without putting up one of those divider sticks first. Naturally, the cashier got confused and asked me, “are you two together?” I know she meant PAYING together, and I just looked over at him for a second, looked back to her, and said no.

But this guy, this creep who was literally probably as old as or older than my grandpa, just looks at me with this creepy suggestive smile and says, “I wouldn’t mind if we were.” Like, this couldn’t have been the only time he’d done this. It just felt too planned. At this point I could literally just FEEL his eyes glancing all over me and checking me out. It made me want to lose my lunch right then and there.

My friend was still in the next checkout aisle over with her mom watching this all go down, and I could see her eyes go wide as I glanced over at her. It registered with me immediately that I’d just been harassed for the first time.

And although I was absolutely petrified on the inside, my face and voice remained completely deadpan as I looked over at the creep and said “I’m 15.” At this point even the cashier was giving the guy the “are you kidding me” stare.

And this guy’s expression didn’t even change, really. I mean, the news obviously came as a surprise to him, but he still looked intent on flirting with me. What a pervert. “You don’t look 15,” he said back to me.

Now I was really torn between just walking away and letting it go or just straight up slapping the guy, but I was inside a store, and my friend and her mom were literally right in the next aisle over, so I didn’t want to start up some big scene. I ended up just paying for my snacks and walking over to my friend (and kind of hiding behind her a little because my skin was crawling at this point) to wait for their cashier to finish ringing them up. My friend consoled me and tried to calm me down as we left, and thankfully I was feeling pretty much better when we got back to her house.

Seriously, though. Not only should that guy not have been hitting on me in a public place like that in the first place, but he should have at least stopped when I told him I was 15. I mean, come on. I’m a child, dude. And you’re, like, at least 50. That’s just sick. That was the first time I’ve ever been publicly harassed, and I have a feeling it won’t be the last.

– Abby

Location: Checkouts at the grocery store in town

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“Harassment is a serious crime that can emotionally damage a person”

December 10, 2015 By Contributor

An ex-boyfriend of mine posted flyers with my personal phone number, address, and work location. On the flyer it stated I was a drug addict/ dealer. Which I am not, I’m a pharmacy technician, and what he said on the flyer could of really hurt my career. I felt scared for my life, because people were actually believing the flyers harassing my phone, my residence, and even at my job. I went to the police, and they basically said they can’t help me until I was physically assaulted. So I put a restraining order against him. Now I’m just trying to recover, it’s very hard I’m still very fearful and a lot of anxiety. I go through therapy now, because I know that guy is still out there, apparently really close to where live I spoke up, because no one should ever have to go through or feel how I felt. Harassment is a serious crime that can emotionally damage a person.

– Tiana Sayas

Location: Oahu, Hawai’i

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#16Days of Activism: 16 Empowering Responses (Day 15)

December 9, 2015 By HKearl

This is cross-posted from Pixel Project’s website.

The Pixel Project is pleased to share the fifth annual blog list of 16 memorable stories of women dealing with street harassment which has been kindly compiled by Holly Kearl, Founder of our partner, Stop Street Harassment, and one of our 16 Female Role Models of 2010.

Empowering Response #1: #WhatMySHSaid – Instagram

Chloe Parker has been harassed since she was 12 years old. Now 17, she started an Instagram hashtag #WhatMySHSaid where people write their age and location and what their street harasser said to them. Many posts are liked thousands of times. Chloe wrote, “The average age is twelve [for the story submissions] and the average reaction is disbelief, but with the topic comes horrible responses as well. I have heard people defending these pedophiles who creep on these girls, or say that street harassment is because of what the girl was wearing. We live in a culture of blaming the victims, and by saying a twelve-year-old is asking to be followed as she walks home from school is a testament to this. We as a society can and should change this culture that we promote and live in. It should not be up to the victims to change their lives and patterns to make harassers comfortable. This is not a problem that should be ignored.”

Empowering Response #2: Parking Attendant Woes – Charlotte, North Carolina, USA

Every day for two weeks as a woman left a parking garage in Charlotte, North Carolina, the parking attendant would stare at her and say he wanted to see her smile and other similar remarks. She felt uneasy, and, as he continued day after day, she felt anxious and stressed. One day she pa0nicked and drove away while he was still talking. She resolved to talk to him and the next day. She asked him to stop telling her to smile as it made her feel uncomfortable. He said okay. She wrote, “I hope he’ll think before he makes these unwanted comments to anyone else. I didn’t complain to the company since he made an indication of respecting my wishes. I don’t plan to park there any more since I don’t want to see him again, but being able to say something took such a weight off my shoulders. I didn’t even realise how much this was affecting me until after I said something.”

Empowering Response #3: Standing Up Against Harassers – Kabul, Afghanistan

After witnessing a friend drop out of school because of harassment, Shafi in Kabul, Afghanistan, began standing up to harassers. She wrote, “Whenever I see people harassing girls or women in streets and university, I go to them and talk reasonably with them to stop them and explain to them that their act is wrong. I ask what if it happens to their sister or mother, what then? Now it is the time for everyone to start vanishing this bad and shameful culture. Yes, if we want to change then we can. We can start it right now!”

Empowering Response #4: Ladders Are Useful Items

ladder

Empowering Response #5: Caught on CCTV

After a drunk man grabbed a woman on a subway and kissed her, she reported him to the transit police. They found him on the train’s CCTV and circulated his image to local police stations. She wrote, “If you experience street harassment, report it to the police. It will make you feel proactive and powerful – and they might even catch the perpetrator.”

Empowering Response #6: No Free Pass for the Police – San Jose, CA, USA

A woman in San Jose, California, noticed a police sergeant (not in uniform) exposing himself and masturbating in a car. She turned away but he drove his car and parked so she had to see him again. She took photos of him and his license plate and he fled. She filed a police report and the investigators discovered he was a 13-year veteran of the police department. He was arrested and placed on administrative leave.

Empowering Response #7: Taking Harassment Seriously – Liverpool, United Kingdom

Two men in a car in Liverpool, UK, harassed a Russian woman. She felt too scared to say anything, but she ran back, called the police, reported what happened and gave their license plate number. She wrote, “The inspector rang me back to make sure I know they take it seriously. Then after an hour a female officer came to see me. It turned out it was a crime as section 5 public order offence, besides it was gender-based. The officer visited his house, etc. He now has a criminal record. Ladies, you don’t have to take this shit!”

Empowering Response #8: Facing Down Harassers… and Winning! – Tennesee, USA

When Bryanna was in college in Tennessee, a group of men would hang out by the door and harass her daily with sexual slurs. She felt humiliated and would try to run past them before they could say anything. But one day she decided to confront them. She wrote, “They whistled and said, ‘Damn!’ really loudly. So I turned around, marched right up to them (at least eight of them) and shouted, ‘What do you expect to happen from this? Do you really think a girl will turn around and say ‘Oh wow that’s such a compliment, being told my ass is fine by these complete strangers. Do you want to hook up?’ Has it worked for you yet?’ By the look on their stunned faces, I answered for them, ‘No, I didn’t think so. Get a life!’ and stormed off. The rush I felt was incomparable to anything else. I felt strong – like I could take care of myself.”

Empowering Response #9: Singing Against Harassment

Singer Empress Of wrote a song about street harassment called “Kitty Kat.” She said in an interview, “I remember a stranger saying something nasty to me on the street while walking home. I was so mad, but I couldn’t say anything back at that moment. What would be the point? When I got back I started to work on this aggressive sound on a track. As soon as I turned the mic on to record, I started to sing what I wanted to say to that guy on the street, but now I get to sing it every night in front of a crowd.”

Empowering Response #10: “That’s NOT a compliment!” – San Diego, CA, USA

A woman was walking her dog through downtown San Diego, California, when a man told her, “You have no idea how badly I want to play with your boobs.” She told him that his comment was inappropriate and he apologised. But then he told her she should “take it as a compliment.” She had already passed him, but turned around to yell back, “That’s NOT a compliment!” She wrote, “Let the harasser know what he is doing is wrong and unwelcome and that it’s not a compliment in order to help convert him to viewing it as a bad thing.”

Poppy SmartEmpowering Response #11: Sparking a National Debate – United Kingdom

After weeks of trying various tactics for dealing with street harassers along her route to work in the UK (the harassment included men purposely blocking her path), Poppy Smart took the matter to the police. She said in an interview, “It made me feel really uncomfortable and the fact it went on for so long was the main reason I reported it. If it had just been an isolated incident – one, two, three, four times – maybe I could probably brush it off because these things happen and you have to kind of accept these people’s ignorance.” Poppy says she spoke to the owner of the building site. “He just sort of apologised. He obviously can’t control all of his staff all of the time and I appreciated that. I just wanted them to realise it is offensive and I wanted it to stop.” Her story sparked a national debate about the issue.

Empowering Response #12: Sanctuary from Harassment – New York City, USA

A man on the train in New York City rubbed his penis against a woman’s butt. She elbowed him but he kept doing it. Because of the crowd, she couldn’t easily get away. A woman nearby noticed what was happening and gave up her seat for her saying, “Come sit down, that man is trying to rub himself on you!”

Empowering Response #13: Not Remaining Silent – London, United Kingdom

Y.E. in London, UK, was the target of public masturbation on the Tube. No one else was on and when she moved away, he followed her, only zipping up his pants after a man entered the carriage. When YE got off the train, he followed and she ran to report him to a transit worker. The police took her report. She also decided to write about what happened. “I hesitated several times whilst starting to write this and contemplated just keeping it to myself, considering the crude nature of this incident. However, it has come to my attention that this is no longer becoming a ‘once in a blue moon issue’ and it could have easily been burdened on a child, family member, or another member of the public. Looking back at the past struggles in history, since when has any change occurred from remaining silent?”

smallstepsEmpowering Response #14: Anti-Street Harassment Workshops – Romania

Aila in Romania used to face harassment from high school students as she walked from her hostel to the university. Now she and a group of other women at the NGO FILIA are in the process of working with that high school to bring street harassment awareness workshops to the students. She wrote, “Change can be done. I am not a victim anymore, I am a person who can bring change and can help the other girls who are still living in that hostel.”

Empowering Response #15: Open Letter Tactic – Washington D.C., USA

 Sara in Washington, DC wrote an open letter to the man who harassed her. In it, she thanked a woman who spoke up. “To the woman on the sidewalk who said, ‘That’s so rude’ and shook her head when he drove off, thank you. Your three simple words in solidarity were my saving grace and snap back to reality, that no one, not even myself, has the right to disrespect my body. So, dear man in the blue minivan, I will use my body in the best way I know how — to share this story and inspire others to feel a little braver when they step into a crosswalk. To be what the woman on the sidewalk was to me: solidarity.”

Empowering Response #16: Reporting an Unwanted Grope – San Francisco, CA, USA

After a man groped AB at a shopping mall in San Francisco, California, she dropped her bag and ran after him. She lost him, but filed a police report. She wrote, “I’ve been harassed many times, but I’d never run after someone. Something snapped in me. And something broke when no one would help. I was proud that enough was finally enough, and I did something, even though he got away with it. At the very least, it’s caused me to talk about it and snap back when I get hollered at on the street.”

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Filed Under: 16 days, Advice, Resources, Stories, street harassment Tagged With: responding to harassment

“Keep standing up for your rights, friends”

November 30, 2015 By Contributor

I had just pulled up to a red light at an intersection, alone in my car, with one couple in their car behind me. A car pulled up to my left, waiting to turn left. I saw from the corner of my eye that a young-ish white man with dark hair and facial hair was gesturing at me and saying things through the window of the car he was a passenger in. He kept doing this for over a minute, and I completely ignored him, looking at the lights and waiting for them to change to green.

I saw out of the corner of my eye that he seemed to be giving up, and he seemed to turn away for a moment to say something to the driver of the car he was in. At that moment, the lights started changing and I slowly pulled forward to go straight, as they pulled forward to turn left; at that moment, I flicked the middle finger at this person and looked over to make sure the disgusting individual saw this; he did, and he seemed very happy with this sudden attention being payed to his pathetic and disrespectful behaviour.

This individual’s behavior made me disappointed, and made me feel insulted; it is unfortunate that this person chose to try to foist an uninvited interaction upon another, and also that this person did not demonstrate respect. I find that although this individual is obviously a symptom of a larger societal problem with treating women properly, the individual themselves is also entirely responsible for their pathetic and unbecoming actions.

I think my response was great, because I 1) ignored the fool for the entire minute because that behaviour is pathetic and useless, and 2) responded with a calm, cool, collected, strong, brief, and self-confident rejection of the person, while remaining in my car. I kept driving straight and that car turned left, driving off.

I do hope I do not see that person again, as my mother upon hearing this story, got very worried that it could escalate into a fight or something. (I also considered photographing the individual, but did not try because I don’t have room on my phone for pics at the moment.)

Guess what? That kid is lucky I had somewhere to be and couldn’t spend more time than I did; otherwise I would have been tempted to turn my car off, get out, and knock on that car’s window to ask what was the matter, and if nothing was wrong then to encourage him to cease the disrespectful gesturing.

As a side note, I have been taught (mostly by my mother) that women cannot defend themselves. I have seen, however, thankfully that this is not true; women are oppressed, of course, but we can stand up for ourselves and every instance in which our allies do the same, I do think will bring us all closer to a world we can be proud of, and a society we don’t have to be embarrassed to bequeath to our children. Keep standing up for your rights, friends.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

This is a very good question, how we can make public places safe– I do not know how we can make intersections at night safe for everyone. It really would be great to figure out a way; I think there’s even a traffic video-camera mounted on one of the traffic lights, but I’m not sure it would catch this. In any event, video can only deter so much, and then all it becomes is evidence once the harm is done; so that’s not really ideal. I’ll keep thinking; anyone reading this, please keep brainstorming, as well!

– Anonymous

Location: Illinois, street intersection while in my car.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

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