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#16Days of Activism: 16 Empowering Responses (Day 15)

December 9, 2015 By HKearl

This is cross-posted from Pixel Project’s website.

The Pixel Project is pleased to share the fifth annual blog list of 16 memorable stories of women dealing with street harassment which has been kindly compiled by Holly Kearl, Founder of our partner, Stop Street Harassment, and one of our 16 Female Role Models of 2010.

Empowering Response #1: #WhatMySHSaid – Instagram

Chloe Parker has been harassed since she was 12 years old. Now 17, she started an Instagram hashtag #WhatMySHSaid where people write their age and location and what their street harasser said to them. Many posts are liked thousands of times. Chloe wrote, “The average age is twelve [for the story submissions] and the average reaction is disbelief, but with the topic comes horrible responses as well. I have heard people defending these pedophiles who creep on these girls, or say that street harassment is because of what the girl was wearing. We live in a culture of blaming the victims, and by saying a twelve-year-old is asking to be followed as she walks home from school is a testament to this. We as a society can and should change this culture that we promote and live in. It should not be up to the victims to change their lives and patterns to make harassers comfortable. This is not a problem that should be ignored.”

Empowering Response #2: Parking Attendant Woes – Charlotte, North Carolina, USA

Every day for two weeks as a woman left a parking garage in Charlotte, North Carolina, the parking attendant would stare at her and say he wanted to see her smile and other similar remarks. She felt uneasy, and, as he continued day after day, she felt anxious and stressed. One day she pa0nicked and drove away while he was still talking. She resolved to talk to him and the next day. She asked him to stop telling her to smile as it made her feel uncomfortable. He said okay. She wrote, “I hope he’ll think before he makes these unwanted comments to anyone else. I didn’t complain to the company since he made an indication of respecting my wishes. I don’t plan to park there any more since I don’t want to see him again, but being able to say something took such a weight off my shoulders. I didn’t even realise how much this was affecting me until after I said something.”

Empowering Response #3: Standing Up Against Harassers – Kabul, Afghanistan

After witnessing a friend drop out of school because of harassment, Shafi in Kabul, Afghanistan, began standing up to harassers. She wrote, “Whenever I see people harassing girls or women in streets and university, I go to them and talk reasonably with them to stop them and explain to them that their act is wrong. I ask what if it happens to their sister or mother, what then? Now it is the time for everyone to start vanishing this bad and shameful culture. Yes, if we want to change then we can. We can start it right now!”

Empowering Response #4: Ladders Are Useful Items

ladder

Empowering Response #5: Caught on CCTV

After a drunk man grabbed a woman on a subway and kissed her, she reported him to the transit police. They found him on the train’s CCTV and circulated his image to local police stations. She wrote, “If you experience street harassment, report it to the police. It will make you feel proactive and powerful – and they might even catch the perpetrator.”

Empowering Response #6: No Free Pass for the Police – San Jose, CA, USA

A woman in San Jose, California, noticed a police sergeant (not in uniform) exposing himself and masturbating in a car. She turned away but he drove his car and parked so she had to see him again. She took photos of him and his license plate and he fled. She filed a police report and the investigators discovered he was a 13-year veteran of the police department. He was arrested and placed on administrative leave.

Empowering Response #7: Taking Harassment Seriously – Liverpool, United Kingdom

Two men in a car in Liverpool, UK, harassed a Russian woman. She felt too scared to say anything, but she ran back, called the police, reported what happened and gave their license plate number. She wrote, “The inspector rang me back to make sure I know they take it seriously. Then after an hour a female officer came to see me. It turned out it was a crime as section 5 public order offence, besides it was gender-based. The officer visited his house, etc. He now has a criminal record. Ladies, you don’t have to take this shit!”

Empowering Response #8: Facing Down Harassers… and Winning! – Tennesee, USA

When Bryanna was in college in Tennessee, a group of men would hang out by the door and harass her daily with sexual slurs. She felt humiliated and would try to run past them before they could say anything. But one day she decided to confront them. She wrote, “They whistled and said, ‘Damn!’ really loudly. So I turned around, marched right up to them (at least eight of them) and shouted, ‘What do you expect to happen from this? Do you really think a girl will turn around and say ‘Oh wow that’s such a compliment, being told my ass is fine by these complete strangers. Do you want to hook up?’ Has it worked for you yet?’ By the look on their stunned faces, I answered for them, ‘No, I didn’t think so. Get a life!’ and stormed off. The rush I felt was incomparable to anything else. I felt strong – like I could take care of myself.”

Empowering Response #9: Singing Against Harassment

Singer Empress Of wrote a song about street harassment called “Kitty Kat.” She said in an interview, “I remember a stranger saying something nasty to me on the street while walking home. I was so mad, but I couldn’t say anything back at that moment. What would be the point? When I got back I started to work on this aggressive sound on a track. As soon as I turned the mic on to record, I started to sing what I wanted to say to that guy on the street, but now I get to sing it every night in front of a crowd.”

Empowering Response #10: “That’s NOT a compliment!” – San Diego, CA, USA

A woman was walking her dog through downtown San Diego, California, when a man told her, “You have no idea how badly I want to play with your boobs.” She told him that his comment was inappropriate and he apologised. But then he told her she should “take it as a compliment.” She had already passed him, but turned around to yell back, “That’s NOT a compliment!” She wrote, “Let the harasser know what he is doing is wrong and unwelcome and that it’s not a compliment in order to help convert him to viewing it as a bad thing.”

Poppy SmartEmpowering Response #11: Sparking a National Debate – United Kingdom

After weeks of trying various tactics for dealing with street harassers along her route to work in the UK (the harassment included men purposely blocking her path), Poppy Smart took the matter to the police. She said in an interview, “It made me feel really uncomfortable and the fact it went on for so long was the main reason I reported it. If it had just been an isolated incident – one, two, three, four times – maybe I could probably brush it off because these things happen and you have to kind of accept these people’s ignorance.” Poppy says she spoke to the owner of the building site. “He just sort of apologised. He obviously can’t control all of his staff all of the time and I appreciated that. I just wanted them to realise it is offensive and I wanted it to stop.” Her story sparked a national debate about the issue.

Empowering Response #12: Sanctuary from Harassment – New York City, USA

A man on the train in New York City rubbed his penis against a woman’s butt. She elbowed him but he kept doing it. Because of the crowd, she couldn’t easily get away. A woman nearby noticed what was happening and gave up her seat for her saying, “Come sit down, that man is trying to rub himself on you!”

Empowering Response #13: Not Remaining Silent – London, United Kingdom

Y.E. in London, UK, was the target of public masturbation on the Tube. No one else was on and when she moved away, he followed her, only zipping up his pants after a man entered the carriage. When YE got off the train, he followed and she ran to report him to a transit worker. The police took her report. She also decided to write about what happened. “I hesitated several times whilst starting to write this and contemplated just keeping it to myself, considering the crude nature of this incident. However, it has come to my attention that this is no longer becoming a ‘once in a blue moon issue’ and it could have easily been burdened on a child, family member, or another member of the public. Looking back at the past struggles in history, since when has any change occurred from remaining silent?”

smallstepsEmpowering Response #14: Anti-Street Harassment Workshops – Romania

Aila in Romania used to face harassment from high school students as she walked from her hostel to the university. Now she and a group of other women at the NGO FILIA are in the process of working with that high school to bring street harassment awareness workshops to the students. She wrote, “Change can be done. I am not a victim anymore, I am a person who can bring change and can help the other girls who are still living in that hostel.”

Empowering Response #15: Open Letter Tactic – Washington D.C., USA

 Sara in Washington, DC wrote an open letter to the man who harassed her. In it, she thanked a woman who spoke up. “To the woman on the sidewalk who said, ‘That’s so rude’ and shook her head when he drove off, thank you. Your three simple words in solidarity were my saving grace and snap back to reality, that no one, not even myself, has the right to disrespect my body. So, dear man in the blue minivan, I will use my body in the best way I know how — to share this story and inspire others to feel a little braver when they step into a crosswalk. To be what the woman on the sidewalk was to me: solidarity.”

Empowering Response #16: Reporting an Unwanted Grope – San Francisco, CA, USA

After a man groped AB at a shopping mall in San Francisco, California, she dropped her bag and ran after him. She lost him, but filed a police report. She wrote, “I’ve been harassed many times, but I’d never run after someone. Something snapped in me. And something broke when no one would help. I was proud that enough was finally enough, and I did something, even though he got away with it. At the very least, it’s caused me to talk about it and snap back when I get hollered at on the street.”

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Filed Under: 16 days, Advice, Resources, Stories, street harassment Tagged With: responding to harassment

“Keep standing up for your rights, friends”

November 30, 2015 By Contributor

I had just pulled up to a red light at an intersection, alone in my car, with one couple in their car behind me. A car pulled up to my left, waiting to turn left. I saw from the corner of my eye that a young-ish white man with dark hair and facial hair was gesturing at me and saying things through the window of the car he was a passenger in. He kept doing this for over a minute, and I completely ignored him, looking at the lights and waiting for them to change to green.

I saw out of the corner of my eye that he seemed to be giving up, and he seemed to turn away for a moment to say something to the driver of the car he was in. At that moment, the lights started changing and I slowly pulled forward to go straight, as they pulled forward to turn left; at that moment, I flicked the middle finger at this person and looked over to make sure the disgusting individual saw this; he did, and he seemed very happy with this sudden attention being payed to his pathetic and disrespectful behaviour.

This individual’s behavior made me disappointed, and made me feel insulted; it is unfortunate that this person chose to try to foist an uninvited interaction upon another, and also that this person did not demonstrate respect. I find that although this individual is obviously a symptom of a larger societal problem with treating women properly, the individual themselves is also entirely responsible for their pathetic and unbecoming actions.

I think my response was great, because I 1) ignored the fool for the entire minute because that behaviour is pathetic and useless, and 2) responded with a calm, cool, collected, strong, brief, and self-confident rejection of the person, while remaining in my car. I kept driving straight and that car turned left, driving off.

I do hope I do not see that person again, as my mother upon hearing this story, got very worried that it could escalate into a fight or something. (I also considered photographing the individual, but did not try because I don’t have room on my phone for pics at the moment.)

Guess what? That kid is lucky I had somewhere to be and couldn’t spend more time than I did; otherwise I would have been tempted to turn my car off, get out, and knock on that car’s window to ask what was the matter, and if nothing was wrong then to encourage him to cease the disrespectful gesturing.

As a side note, I have been taught (mostly by my mother) that women cannot defend themselves. I have seen, however, thankfully that this is not true; women are oppressed, of course, but we can stand up for ourselves and every instance in which our allies do the same, I do think will bring us all closer to a world we can be proud of, and a society we don’t have to be embarrassed to bequeath to our children. Keep standing up for your rights, friends.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

This is a very good question, how we can make public places safe– I do not know how we can make intersections at night safe for everyone. It really would be great to figure out a way; I think there’s even a traffic video-camera mounted on one of the traffic lights, but I’m not sure it would catch this. In any event, video can only deter so much, and then all it becomes is evidence once the harm is done; so that’s not really ideal. I’ll keep thinking; anyone reading this, please keep brainstorming, as well!

– Anonymous

Location: Illinois, street intersection while in my car.

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“I wish good people would stop being afraid”

November 29, 2015 By Contributor

I was on my way home, walking in a very crowded boulevard, than I turned into my street, which was more empty and dark. A guy walked in the opposite direction from me, but then he stopped and started following me, saying a lot of stuff I could not really understand. All I could get is that his friends were having a party. He sounded drunk or drugged. I tried walking into a parking lot to make him go away, but he followed me in so I went out again. I started heading back to the boulevard and he caught up to me and grabbed my ass while asking something about tickles. I crossed the street and he stayed there while I passed two other men, but after that he came to me again and started telling me how he could help me relax and have a good time. By then I got to a shop and I went in. I stayed for a while and then he was gone.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

The more people out on the streets, the better. As hard as it is, I wish good people would stop being afraid and just go out, regardless of the time.

– Anonymous

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Harassed Three Times By the Same Man

November 23, 2015 By Contributor

For about three weeks I have been walking to the train station itself to wait for my bus. It has gotten so windy and cold out now to stand at the bus stop now that it’s November. As the bus pulls up, a line forms for people to insert their bus fare into the machine. While I am checking my messages on my phone I notice that through my peripheral vision that his middle age man in a blue jacket and grey hat has turned towards me and started saying “My, my. my.”

His tone alone made the words “leave me alone” echo in my head. I was mainly focused on my phone, which he noticed so he repeated, “My, my, my” at me again. Since we were in a line I stepped off the the side and said, ‘Excuse me’ in an effort to come off as if I wasn’t really paying attention to him. He looked at me and said something along the lines of ‘I look beautiful’. (Again, I was more focused on responding a message on my phone so I just brushed him off thinking that’s he’s just showing off his ignorance).

He said, “I’ve seen you some times get on the 24 bus”. The 24 is not my usual bus so I don’t know what confused nonsense he was talking about. It came off as ‘stalker-like’. The thought alone made me feel vile.

That was the first time. I never thought I’d have to see that person again. I was wrong.

I was waiting for the bus again at the same station gateway when the same man made the acknowledgement that he saw me yesterday. Once again, my mind was juggling between schoolwork and how I would I spend next time with my boyfriend so I didn’t hear word for word what he said. I got a slightly better look at this guy and my only inner comment was that he looked old enough to be my father’s uncle and my dad is 52! I was definitely bothered now.

It’s not just what he’s saying that struck a nerve with me. It’s because of the sheer fact that if someone is not acknowledging you, it’s only common sense to leave that person alone, but this guy wasn’t getting the hint. He’s either oblivious or a jackass!

If that wasn’t bad enough there was a third time. Like I said, I. had. enough.

If that guy ever tries fishing for my attention again then I’m telling him off! I was boarding the bus as usual and standing in line to insert bus fare when you-know-who showed up saying ‘hello again’. I ignored him the first time and then he repeated it again.

That’s it! “Leave me alone you disgusting vole!” I shouted at him. There was one person in front of me and another in back of me so they certainly saw and heard me say it too. He just smirked and tried to play it off for the other people who saw. I then turned to board the bus thinking he probably wasn’t expecting me to speak up. As soon as I sat down with my book in hand this same jackass sat in the seat across from me and tried to tap the two-seater I was in to get my attention again! He stopped after more people began to board the bus. What was this guy’s problem?!

Before I even said anything my body language said ‘not interested.’ and ‘sure as hell not interested’. It should’ve stopped the first time but I hope that there won’t be a fourth time.

– Nia H.

Location: Newark Penn Station, NJ

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“I live in fear”

November 21, 2015 By Contributor

This morning I stepped out of my apartment and started walking to the subway station – four blocks from my apartment. After two blocks, a man walking from around the corner ends up on the same sidewalk as me, about five yards behind.

Immediately, I hear, “Daaaamn, when you walk like that it jiggles. Looks good from here though. Bless you AND ya mama. Bless you.”

I have two options here. I can ignore him and keep walking, picking up my pace a bit to distance myself. But then he’ll take notice of this passive (almost submissive) behavior, and he might want to take advantage of that. He might keep following me. He might make more comments. He might even take action. He might grab me.

My other option is to turn around and look him dead in the eye and stand up for myself, telling him it’s not okay for him to speak to someone that way. But then he might get offended. He might not appreciate that I spoke at all – I’m supposed to just be an object, right? He might want to shut me up and put me in my place. He might try to attack me. He might try to rape me. He might try to hit me.

While I’m mulling over my two absolutely stellar options on this empty street in Brooklyn at 11 o’clock in the morning, I wonder to myself, “Should I not have worn these leggings? Should I not have worn these booty heels? Is it somehow my fault?” FU** THAT. These leggings are comfortable as shit, and it’s fu**ing cold outside. And I like these shoes – I think they’re cute. That’s why I fu**ing picked them out at the store and bought them. That’s why they were manufactured – for women to wear outside. Not for men to attack women for wearing them.

I should mention I’m also wearing a baggy t-shirt and a huge soccer backpack. I could have been wearing a sack and this man would have found a way to comment on my ankles or my hair or the fact that I have a skeleton covered in skin.

I ended up choosing the first option – saying nothing, picking up my pace (which of course I’m realizing makes “it jiggle” even more – great!). I ducked into the first coffee shop I came upon and waited a few minutes for the coast to be clear. After this all happened, I found myself wishing I had stood up for myself and said something. After all, that’s the only way he’s going to learn that he did something wrong.

However, in this situation, standing up for yourself also means risking your safety and your life. I’ve never been raped. I’ve never been physically assaulted. I live in a nice enough neighborhood. And yet, I live in fear of the day someone will find me in a vulnerable situation and take advantage of me.

No woman should have to live in fear. No woman should have to be alert for rape – no woman should be responsible for preventing it from happening. The next time you try to tell me that men are just “paying me a compliment,” think twice. Say nothing.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Educate young men.

– Kerry

Location: Brooklyn, NY

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