I was recently in Nashville for the weekend with my mother. On our last day, shortly before we had to catch the last bus out of downtown before heading to the airport, I decided to run into one of the bars to buy a souvenir t-shirt. It was close to 90 degrees that day with full sun, so I chose to wear a shorter romper that I knew would keep me cool, and also that I felt comfortable and confident in.
When I walked into the bar, the middle-aged man who was playing on stage with his band stopped in the middle of the song to call out to me on the microphone in front of a fair-sized crowd. He leered and made demeaning and insulting comments to me about my appearance over the microphone, and then proceeded to announce to his audience that, since I wasn’t engaging with him, that I had “no personality,” which earned him some big laughs from the crowd. I turned around and left the bar, prompting him to again interrupt his set to harass me as I walked out of the door.
Needless to say, I was completely humiliated and enraged that he, and the rest of the crowd, saw humor in his unwarranted and hurtful comments. I find myself even more disgusted with the fact that we still live in a society where this is deemed acceptable behavior, so long as it’s in the name of humor.
Curiosity struck me later that night, and so I typed his name in on Google and to my surprise, found that he has not one, but two daughters who appear to be close to my age. This, the fact that this man who takes such pride in his misogynistic comments has two daughters of his own, is what I find to be the most appalling aspect to this story.
It’s unbelievably frustrating to me, who has been raised by strong women and men to have a strong sense of self and to treat others with compassion and empathy, to have found myself in this situation where I still feel powerless and violated. I’ve tried to consider the reason why my harasser, a relatively public figure, would choose to publicly humiliate and degrade me, but I can’t find any reason that would even remotely explain his behavior.
I’ve considered reaching out to him via social media, since I left in such a whirlwind before I could figure out something to say, but I haven’t been able to convince myself to do it. I’m hoping that it may give me closure, but I don’t want to risk the potential backlash if he doesn’t understand my complaint. Is there any advice someone may have for dealing with this situation?
– KG
Location: Broadway, Downtown Nashville, TN
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