Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

“Rock the boat. Raise a fuss. Things won’t change otherwise”

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Growing up, I lived in a not so great part of town. It didn’t bother me much. My family knew there were some not so great things happening around us, but we had very few if any horror stories. We lived in a nice quaint house, near a park, and my parents were honest, hard working people. It was practically normal.

Once I hit adolescence, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It was really hard on me, so how did I cope? I went out walking. First it was to the park nearby, then I branched out further into the neighborhood. The first time I got honked at, I wondered if I violated some traffic rule. I couldn’t think of anything, but I was all of 11. Who knows.

But then it kept up. And it wasn’t just honking (which still in my mind could be anything). It was yelling. Middle fingers. Lewd remarks. 11…12…13…14… My childlike body (I grew while everyone else developed, then they grew and I filled out) was being objectified and sexualized. I was proud of myself for not throwing myself at the first guy I met, like so many of my peers did, and that was being challenged and defiled every time some numb skull had to yell some obscenity at me. I couldn’t take my time to myself, collect my thoughts, and grieve the loss of my mother, without having a back up contingency of what to scream back when (not if) someone yelled at me on the streets.

It got better in high school, I was largely left alone. I moved neighborhoods, and wasn’t out as much as I had been due to the environment change. But when I was outside, it wasn’t so bad. College, it got weird again. I would go to work, and get hit on relentlessly. Men would stare me down, not let me leave situations, try to get my information, you name it. It was disgusting, and violating. I was at work, doing a job, not looking for my next hook up or boyfriend.

It got to the point where I dreaded going to work, because I got tired of fending off horny perverts in the middle of my shift. I did a year abroad in France for school, and it was terrible. I almost took one case with obscene texts to the local police. Even an American male friend of mine said he gave up trying to honestly meet a girl, because French girls had to put up so many barriers and he got tired of being treated like another jerk. I will defend this friend and say his motives were most likely in the right place, and he would have been a gentleman.

Getting married hasn’t even entirely warded it off. A wedding ring is seen as a challenge, where a “no” means try harder, and comments like “what my husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” I get tired of people checking my left hand to make sure it’s “safe.” There are certain communities my husband and I are part of, and I can’t even have the common courtesy of being respected there. Granted, sex and sexual practices are a big part of it, but people seem to think because of that, they’re entitled to your time, attention, and favors. There is no respect for boundaries, or what a person’s goals are for their activity in the community.

I’ve never considered myself particularly attractive, though I know my husband and several others would disagree, but I think now as an adult, part of it comes from those first experiences as a kid, walking in my neighborhood. Being yelled at on the street didn’t make me feel attractive, sexy, or desirable. It made me feel violated, and unsafe. It made me want to retract, and hide any part of my physical appearance I could. The less attractive I made myself, the less it would happen. Being “cat called” never made me feel pretty. It made me feel like trash. And there is a resounding impact on my self image today, because of the lessons street harassment taught me.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

We have to start teaching our children better. We need to teach our sons that it’s never acceptable to treat a woman that way, and that women have a right to their own personal space and autonomy, just as boys do. We need to teach our daughters to stand up for themselves, and not take crap. You can’t always fire back at the person who has violated you. If they’re in a car moving at 40 mph and you’re walking, it just isn’t gonna happen.

We need to teach our girls they don’t have to apologize to anyone for having a backbone and standing up to whoever is belittling them. We’re taught that we should endure anything and everything, so long as it makes the world around us pleasant for others. This needs to stop. Rock the boat. Raise a fuss. Things won’t change otherwise.

– Erika S

Location: My neighborhood, workplace

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.

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“The frustration just builds up inside”

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Street harassment happens a lot where I live (Newcastle, UK). This story isn’t about a time I was harassed, it’s about when I realised how bad the problem actually is.

Over the 4 or 5 years that I’ve lived here, I’ve been told to smile more times than I can remember.

A man once drove onto the pavement and tried to get me into his car.

Men in vehicles have slowed right down to have a better look at me (including a uniformed UPS driver and a Gateshead Council van).

A pedestrian stuck his head in my car.

Other drivers have slowed down, making sexual gestures at me.

Men have told me they’d like to “slip their cocktail in my vagina” that I’ve got “a weird arse” and “a nice body but it’s a shame about the face.”

Men have randomly shouted “pussy” at me.

Men have blocked my path.

Men have followed me down the street.

I am beeped at by men in passing cars pretty much every time I leave the house.

The other day a man catcalled as I was unlocking my front door. The last one scared me a lot as this creep now knows where I live, what I drive, and what time I come home.

I try to let it go, but I feel so powerless. I want to hit them, to throw rocks at their cars, but I know I’d be the one who ends up in trouble with the police if I did. The frustration just builds up inside.

A week or so ago I’d had a busy few days and was feeling hungry and tired. I didn’t have much to eat, so I thought I’d take a walk to the shops. Then I didn’t, because I just didn’t have the strength to let another attack go, and I knew there was a really high chance of something happening if I went out.

That hit HARD. I called for takeout instead. And cried.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Specifically criminalise non-physical harassment like shouting, beeping and name calling.

– SA

Location: Newcastle, UK

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.

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“I was extremely confused and a little scared”

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I was about 18 when this happened and still in high school. I lived close to the school so I walked to and from it.

Well, one day I was walking along, just minding my own business There were a few boys ahead of me who were being really slow, so I went around them as I was walking. Well, one of them threw a glass bottle at me and it shattered on the road maybe an inch away from my feet.

I was extremely confused and a little scared because I had no idea that merely walking in front of someone could justify a reaction like that.

Luckily, a classmate had seen what happened and she stopped her car next to me to give me a ride home.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

We need better awareness People need to be told about this and need to learn that behavior like that is not acceptable.

– MB

Location: Illinois

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.

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That Time We Spoke About Street Harassment on the Nicaraguan Radio

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Cross-posted from The Vulnerable Traveler with permission from the author Char J. Stoever.

Last week, I walked to the Women’s Collective of Matagalpa, which I’ve been to multiple times for their spontaneous theater shows. The collective has a theater program, health and education outreach, and a radio station.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. April 10-16 is International Anti-Street Harassment Week, so I thought I’d see if the collective was having an event to raise awareness. I’d just written about kick-ass organizations in Egypt, Mexico, the U.S., and India fighting against street harassment, so I thought I’d ask.

I asked Machú, a woman who works there and documents all of the spontaneous theater shows. “No, we haven’t planned anything, but maybe you could talk to Argentina. She’s running the radio program right now since Leo is in Europe on the theater tour.”

Fanny, one of my the most expressive, lively actresses, happened to be there and listened in. She said hello to me with the typical kiss on the cheek and jokingly said, “Hi, Charlotte-I mean, Charleen!” because it took her a while to get my name right. We giggled, then she walked me over to the radio station, where I spoke with Argentina about my spontaneous question-turned-project.

“We don’t have anything planned to raise awareness, but street harassment happens every day, not just one week of the year. I can reserve a slot for you to come chat at 8 AM on Monday if you’d like. It would be good if you brought a friend who is from here.” I agreed that it would be important for a Nicaraguan woman to talk about it, so I called my friend Rosa right away. She agreed to send her daughter, Amy, whose quinceañera (15th birthday party) my mom and I attended last Christmas Eve.

Fanny’s son, Marlon, was also there, and I asked if he could come. He agreed because street harassment affects everyone, not just women. In November 2015, Gerardo Cruz was stabbed and killed in San José, Costa Rica after he caught a perverted man following a woman from behind and filming up her skirt. The video went viral, but he lost his life for speaking against street harassment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbYxRwqNIoA

Street harassment affects everyone. It’s so important to talk to boys as well as girls about actions that dismantle gender equity. These kinds of workshops will be done at Peace Corps Camp CHACA for boys in Nicaragua this July.

Street harassment also hurts economies. I often wonder how much more tourism dollars a country’s people could earn if women weren’t afraid of traveling because of feeling uncomfortable in public. I’ve decided against traveling down the street or to different countries because I don’t want to be hissed at or groped in public.

On Monday, I walked with Amy to The Collective. “Are you nervous to be on the radio?” I asked her. “No,” she said. “Well, I am! I’m glad you’re not nervous. What you’re doing is so important because many people don’t have a chance to share their opinions and to be heard. I’m nervous, but excited” I replied. I’d been on the radio before in Ecuador when I went with La Poderosa Media Project in 2011, but that time, I just spoke about who I was and where I was from. This time, it would be a more meaningful topic that I’d hoped would begin more much-needed conversations about unintentional (and intentional) gender oppression.

Amy and I got to the station and arrived before Argentina did. I don’t know about Amy, but I was squirming in my seat! In order to kill time, we chatted about her experiences with harassment.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BEW5jelMZfF/

Then, it was time to start once Argentina and Meyling arrived. We introduced ourselves and Argentina began the interview. She talked about how street harassment is becoming a more violent issue. The older men she’s talked to say that back in the day, they used to “seduce” women in the street by saying “sweet” things to them (las enamoraban), but never being disrespectful to them. Now, men are being more and more vulgar, forward, and disrespectful. With that background knowledge about the history of cat calling, we began.

Argentina (our host): How does street harassment make you feel?

Meyling: If you walk down into the city, and on the way down, you hear ten cat calls, then on the way back up, you’ll hear them ten times again. It’s exhausting for women to feel like they are constantly being objectified, or worse, groped. If men yell vulgarities at me, like “hey mamacita, you look delicious today,” then I tell them that what they’re doing is punishable by the Ley 779, and that I have the right to report them to the police. Once, a man in the street threatened to beat me up because I didn’t like him! He tried hugging me to feel my chest, but I had to use a self-defense move I learned in a jiu jitsu class on him.”

Meyling ended up thrusting her palm against his chin, causing him to fall back as she ran away.

Me: When men cat call me a “delicious white woman” in the street, I feel uncomfortable and objectified. I’m not a coconut popsicle! (The women in the room covered their mouths and laughed at this one) I’m not a food. I’m not an object. I’m a person. It’s interesting to point out that back in the day, men talking to women in the street was seen as a civilized, polite affair. Enamoraban a las mujeres (They seduced women).

“Enamorar” has the most positive connotation. Then, it was and is called “cat-calling”, or tirar piropos. We cannot see it as this innocent act any more. It’s violent, it’s unsolicited, and so we need to call it what it is: street harassment.

Amy explained that she’s experienced street harassment for as long as she could remember, and she brought up the important issue of child raising. By sharing her experience about her father trying to get her brother to talk to women as a boy, she made it clear that we need to think about how we raise our children. We need to teach our children how to be respectful to others.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BEW95gQsZVq/?taken-by=vulnerabletraveler

Break time rolled along. My Nicaraguan counterpart teacher, Claudia, tapped on the door and came in a bit late because she’d gotten lost. Claudia and I are runners, so we both know what it’s like to have our workout routines disrupted by harassment. I was assaulted on a run last year because I wore headphones to avoid harassment, and my attacker thought I had a shiny iphone in my pocket, but I didn’t. I simply wore headphones to trick men into thinking I couldn’t hear them, but I still experienced physical violence. I’ve mostly recovered from it, as I ran a 10k later, but it’s undeniable that street harassment has shaped my experience here.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BEXERJ9sZQX/

Claudia goes running at 5 AM to avoid the crowds. Once, on a run, a man began to take of his clothes and masturbated in front of her. She threatened to report him if he ever did that again, but the next day, she was too shaken up to go running.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BEW8gGDMZTq/

After Claudia shared, Argentina asked our listeners whether they thought cat-calls were innocent compliments or harassment. No one called in to participate, but oh well- the five of us had more than enough to say! We moved on to talking about how women dress. No matter how you dress, you’ll get attention. Harassers seem to think that women dress in order to please the men, not themselves.

“I’m a lesbian, so I’m not attracted to men,” I shared. “If I wear shorts it’s because it’s hot outside and I want to avoid sweating profusely (It’s always in the 80s and humid around here). I don’t wear shorts to please men.”

I almost didn’t come to Nicaragua because I was afraid of having to be in the closet, but here I was, coming out on the radio!

Before we knew it, it was 9 AM. We wrapped it up, and I gave a shout out to Amy’s mom, Rosa, for sending her brave daughter along to chat about street harassment. We’d all been pretty nervous to be on the air, but as the show progressed, we ended up laughing, giggling, and nodding our heads at one another.

We didn’t feel alone that morning, and I’m sure our listeners didn’t either. By having conversations like these about the misconceptions and effects of street harassment, maybe someday we’ll put an end to it.

Amy was such a boss that Argentina asked for her contact info to come back for another show!

Have you experienced street harassment? If not, do you know someone who has? How has it affected you or them?

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“Realize that catcalling women won’t benefit them”

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I’m a first year college student and the apartment I’m currently living in is near a construction site (actually it’s a house that’s being renovated). Ever since the construction began, I feel uneasy and unsafe when walking on our street because there are a few men who stare at me and sometimes make kiss sounds or whistle or make any noise.

I just ignore them.

But there’s this instance when a large group of men were laughing and calling me a girlfriend of one of their members. I felt so angry I thought I would shout at them or curse at them, but I just walked away and ignored them. But as I arrived at my apartment, I realized that this has to stop. I have to stop this.

I know I’m not the only one experiencing this. There are a lot of us feeling angry, sad, unsafe, and threatened. I have decided and promised to myself that if they won’t stop, I will tell the authorities and probably make them leave the area even if that means that they will lose their job. I don’t care. They should know and feel the consequence of their actions.

It’s time for them to feel sorry for what they do and maybe realize that catcalling women won’t benefit them.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

I think it’s time to have a kind of government who will actually address this kind of situation. It should be part of the law. This act should be punishable. It’s time to make catcallers feel scared and guilty.

– I

Location: Philippines

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.

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