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“Blowing kisses while licking his lips”

October 12, 2014 By Contributor

I’d like to share my story to show that it happens to men as well.  I’ve actually experienced it several times since I moved here.  And I don’t mean the “faggot” or “queer” kind of catcalling that many gay men experience – that doesn’t seem to be an issue in most parts of this city.

As a runner, I’ve often had men – often homeless – jeer and compliment my “juicy ass,” and, while it has been bothersome, nothing has come close to what happened yesterday.  I was walking home in a hoodie and gym shorts (so I definitely wasn’t “asking for it” – whatever that means) and this guy screams “nice ass” out of his car window.  I didn’t even realize he was talking to me until I saw him waiting at the corner.

He rolled his windows down and began jeering and blowing kisses while licking his lips.  It just so happens that I live at that corner and very stupidly ran inside.  He waited outside for about 5 minutes, backing up to peer in the windows and laugh while I cowered in fear.  I’m kicking myself for not wearing my glasses, so I couldn’t get his plate.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Make the discussion less gendered – it happens to everyone

– D

Location: Washington, DC

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

 

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Filed Under: male perspective, Stories, street harassment

Day of the Girl 2014

October 11, 2014 By HKearl

Via Teen Library Toolbox

Today is the 3rd annual International Day of the Girl, an opportunity to reflect on the status of girls in the world and their needs.

I, of course, always think about street harassment. I was harassed as a teenage girl and the older I get, the more outraged I am about my experiences and about the harassment and assault girls and teenagers continue to face today in public spaces. It angers me that the depictions of street harassment in the media would like us to believe it “only” happens to adult women and is no big deal, but the reality is, teenagers are targeted the most — and often by adult men. In fact, our national survey found that most people who are harassed (female and male) begin to experience it before age 17.

You can read stories on our blog showing this too,

Like K in New York shared her story… “I’ll never forget being in middle school and walking around my neighborhood and having these middle-aged men cat calling me. I was a 12-year-old girl, I wanted to dress pretty but the constant stares and whistles from older men made me feel insecure. It felt as if I wasn’t a person just a body with a vagina walking around.

At times I would yell and say you are disgusting but I was afraid that they might chase me down, so I didn’t do it as often. The majority of the time I would look down and walk away quickly. I was in middle school and these men were older and stronger than I was; all the news story scared me of what these men could do.”

Or Anonymous in CA who reflected on a lifetime of harassment…”I started being harassed as a pedestrian the summer I turned nine. A driver honked, catcalled, and threw a penny that hit me. Now I am 39 and I keep thinking I will eventually grow old enough to fall off the radar. Being honked at, whistled at, shouted at, followed, groped, and grabbed makes me angry, shaken up, and stressed out.”

Summer Al-Saleh, a high school senior at Foothill Technology High School in Ventura, California, wrote about street harassment for her school paper this week. She gave me permission to excerpt it:

“Over the past few months, I cannot begin to count how many times I have been harassed when I was by myself or accompanied with friends.

As I was on a run earlier in the summer, two middle-aged men drove by, stared, and whistled at me. They drove away, probably laughing at the fact that they caught me off guard and caused me to jump out of initial shock. They drove away, not even considering that I was on a run, trying to concentrate, existing in such a way that has no relative bearing on their existence, something that is very difficult for street harassers to understand.

When I was walking out of the grocery store two young men started following me into the parking lot, while asking questions and making comments about my appearance. As I briskly walked away they got the satisfaction of knowing that I was angry, disturbed, and threatened. They, just like the other men, did not see me as a person with somewhere to be, something to do, and something on my mind.

While finishing a run with my teammates, two middle-aged men drove by, slowed down to get our attention, yelled something that was incomprehensible and made kissy faces at us. The thing about this specific encounter, the former encounters, and other women’s experiences is that they are all much too similar: each and every act of harassment is steeped in entitlement. So much entitlement that it’s difficult to grasp how someone could do something so inconsiderate, objectifying, and privileged that they won’t even accept or may not even realize that what they’re doing is harassment.

Their over-flowing sense of entitlement coupled with their lack of sensibility creates a situation that makes women feel unsafe and uncomfortable in public spaces. It can and does determine where women choose to go, what we choose to wear, and where we choose to live. Ultimately, it limits our choices and freedom to be safe in public.”

What is different from when I was a teenager is that there is a lot more awareness about this issue. And thanks to social media and sites like mine, I know there are places teenagers can go to for advice, for support and to share their stories. Which is so important.

So today, I honor all the girls who are bravely speaking out and demanding the right to be safe in public spaces!

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Filed Under: News stories, street harassment Tagged With: day of the girl, harassment, teenagers

“That same guy had been creeping on women before”

October 10, 2014 By Contributor

There weren’t very many people on the tram. I was wearing a black dress just above the knee and brown boots and jacket. Slutty? Why is that even part of the question- IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW GUYS TREAT US. I had a bag of groceries and I was tired.

This older guy, maybe late 40’s, kept looking at me. I was on my way home and the ride was a little long. I finally looked at him in the eyes hoping to get him to stop. With no holding back he looked up and down my body and into my eyes again. I looked away. I looked back and he was still staring. Finally I motioned “What?” to him and he came up to me! He asked me what the problem was and I asked him why he kept staring at me. I was a bit shocked he walked up to me…

Then he got closer and said, “NO, you were staring at ME.”

I was shaking by now, “Yes, to try and get YOU to stop.” I said.

He was yelling, “You were staring, should I call the authorities?”

I was baffled. What was this guy talking about? As if I were the one harassing him! “The difference is, I looked away.”

“So did I.” He argued loudly. (I know he had not. He stared at me the ENTIRE time.)

Finally 3 men came up and stood around us, one guy separated me and the other guy. I was so thankful my legs felt weak.

The rude guy finally left for the front of the tram. One of the guys made a comment that that same guy had been creeping on women before…
I almost wanted to cry. I don’t know why. I guess because of how the guy treated me. How weak I felt. I don’t know. I am usually pretty strong and things don’t usually bother me. I am still shaking just thinking about it even though nothing happened….

I got home and told my boyfriend about it and his response?

“Why did you give him attention?”

WHAT! It hurt that his response was saying I was in the wrong. I can’t believe it. I told him I didn’t give him attention, the guy gave ME attention and any normal person would look away in the same circumstance and this guy did the opposite… if I felt uncomfortable didn’t I have a right to try and get him to stop? I am so offended by how my boyfriend reacted the feelings have come rushing back as fresh as if the event had just happened. (It happened an hour ago.)

I felt more security from the guy who stood between me and the disgusting guy than I did telling my own boyfriend. I am so confused over that.
He told me I should have just looked away. I explained that I had but the guy was blatantly staring at me. I had a right to try and get him to stop. If I felt uncomfortable I was not in the wrong to stand up for myself. People make eye contact on a regular basis- but usually they look away. They don’t keep staring.

We all have common courtesy and this guy did not show me this at all.

Optional: Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

More women standing up and saying NO. By staying silent it will continue. Even having someone stare- there is a cultural accepted amount of time for eye contact. A person doesn’t have a right to look at someone else as if they are a piece of meat. SAY SOMETHING. If it escalates get authorities. This person obviously needs to be reminded that it is NOT okay and needs to be put straight.

– E. Nicole

Location: Yarra Trams, Coburg, VIC

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

This Saturday: A Hearing on Girls of Color

October 9, 2014 By HKearl

If you’re in NYC with some free time on Saturday, check out this important event organized by Girls for Gender Equity. Our board member Maliyka Muhammad will attend on behalf of SSH.

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Filed Under: Events, street harassment

Man slashes woman’s neck in NY

October 9, 2014 By HKearl

Trigger Warning

More bad news about street harassment turned violent, via My Fox NY:

“The NYPD is on the hunt for the man who slashed a woman’s neck in a building lobby in Jamaica, Queens after she refused to talk to him.

Police say it happened at around 5:17 a.m. on Oct. 1 inside 90-23 171st Street.

The man approached the 26-year-old victim and tried to engage her in what police described as an “unwanted” conversation. When she turned away, police say he grabbed her from behind and cut her neck with “a cutting instrument.”

The woman sustained serious injuries. She was listed in critical but stable condition at a hospital.

Security camera video shows the man approaching the woman. Police released the video in the hopes it will help them catch the attacker.

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Filed Under: News stories, street harassment

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