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Canada: Please, for the love of God, Don’t Go Talk to Her

April 11, 2013 By HKearl

Photo via adamlodolce.coms

By Terris Schneider, SSH Correspondent

Hey ladies, did you know that FACT: everyone woman likes to be complimented, especially in public against their will? Sure, this may not be the actual case, but this is one of the ideologies behind Adam LoDolce’s dangerous “Go Talk To Her” campaign. According to Adam LoDolce: “Who dislikes a compliment? No woman I’ve ever met.” Well then, it must be true of all women!

LoDolce’s campaign encourages men to hit on women by approaching them in a public space. He believes that this method is much more effective than relying on women to make the first move or sticking with online dating sites. I didn’t realize either of these two strategies were such a bad thing, but I digress…  LoDolce’s approach sounds rather familiar – I think it might go under another name: Street Harassment. Even though LoDolce claims that shy men are usually the ones his coaching appeals to, and that he tells them to look for “indicators of disinterest,” this campaign still has the effect of propagating rape culture and doesn’t account for the fact that some men do not take no for an answer when women express they aren’t interested. Some men take it too far, and can cause women to feel threatened. Plus, most women I know just want to be left alone and aren’t property for men to disturb while they’re out walking or running errands.

And just who are this “Dating Confidence Coach™ (name trademarked!) that men are taking advice from? Sure, he has coached men for years on how to approach women, but where is he getting his information from? From what I can tell, he has no credible education making him an expert in this field. He is a glorified Pick Up Artist trying to claim himself as legitimate, and if people buy into this, then this can only set back the SSH movement.

In Vancouver, street harassment has been especially worse lately and my friends and I have attributed it to this campaign. Since my friends and I wrote some comments on LoDolce’s Facebook page that got deleted, and we no longer have access to write on his page (a social media faux pas, Mr. LoDolce!), I figured I’d write some of his greatest hits on here. His Facebook page is an especially great showcase of all the harm he is doing to the SSH movement, by making assumptions about women with no clear facts or evidence to back up his claims.

I have a vagina, therefore, I must like 50 Shades of Grey. Even though the leading female character is a total misrepresentation of women, and that the book encourages the idea that women want to be objectified and dominated.

She just probably didn’t feel like being harassed by you on her flight. Looks like your talking to women in public technique is working…

I’m hoping people will start to realize the flaw in this supposed dating technique, and it will be a passing trend, much like Pogs or gluten free diets.

Terris is a professional wordsmith (freelance writer) based in Vancouver, BC, Canada. You can read more of her work on her blog, or follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

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Filed Under: correspondents, street harassment

Pennies and homophobic slurs in Los Angeles

April 11, 2013 By Contributor

I was recently, on two separate occasions, called a “F” & thrown pennies at while walking in my own neighborhood. It was a terrifying & humiliating experience. And while those thugs did make me 5 cents richer, it was totally uncalled for, especially in 2013. What a reminder of the struggles the gay community still faces – even in L.A!

– Dave Cano

Location: Los Angeles, CA

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Street Harassment is not okay!

April 10, 2013 By HKearl

The Women Worldwide Initiative is a co-sponsoring group of International Anti-Street Harassment Week. Via their Facebook page:

“Check out this fantastic PSA that the mentors and mentees in our Young Women Rock! Mentorship Program created for Meet Us On The Street: International Anti-Street Harassment Week! Share with your friends and join us in saying: it’s not okay!”

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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, street harassment

Thanking a stranger for “showing skin”? Not ok

April 10, 2013 By HKearl

It’s warm out on the East Coast today and you know what? We wear fewer articles of clothing in warm weather. There is no need for strangers to comment on that or invade someone’s privacy over it.

I think Ryan of “Guyism” crossed a line when he went up to women (and one man) in New York City that he didn’t know to thank them and give them presents like chips or a lollipop for “showing skin.”

In case he didn’t get the memo, just because women are in public space does not mean they ARE public space and that it’s okay to comment on them.

What disturbed me a lot too were the comments by men who watched the video and then condemned some of the women as being “snobby” or “ungrateful” for not being pleased to have a stranger put a camera in their face and comment on what they were wearing or looked like. They had every right to not want to talk to Ryan and I’m sure many of the ones who smiled politely also wished he was not putting them on the spot and commenting on them.

This is not okay. It is not funny.

 

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Filed Under: street harassment

“There is nothing funny or flattering about being followed!”

April 10, 2013 By Contributor

I have had several disturbing experiences with street harassment. My most recent experience is as follows:

Last week I was exercising at the track around the corner from my house. I noticed a man loitering around between where I was exercising and the public toilets close by me. He was there for a long while just watching. I didn’t think anything of it and walked home with my music turned up loud on my ipod. A few minutes after arriving home I decided to go to the store.

Outside, I noticed a couple of police cars but didn’t think anything of that either. As I neared the store, two police men walked toward me from a side street. They stopped me, telling me they were waiting for me to pass and needed to talk to me. They asked me, “Have you noticed the man following you?”

I responded that I had no idea and that I had my music on really loud. They asked, “Has a man approached you this morning?” and I said no, no one had.

They then proceeded to tell me that I must be extremely careful and alert all my friends that the man who was following me had been reported by several people, loitering around my house, and that he had been masturbating on the street.

It is frustrating to not feel safe doing a regular, everyday things like exercising and going to the store.

What’s even more frustrating is some of the reactions to my experience from some of my close guy friends. Things like, “I can’t believe the police caught me!!” or “I know I shouldn’t laugh but that’s hilarious!” or “If that were me I’d take it as a compliment” or “You must be flattered.” Are you kidding me? THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY OR FLATTERING ABOUT BEING FOLLOWED!

– Anonymous

Location: Sydney

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

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