By: Claire Biggs, SSH Correspondent
“No” is a complete sentence.
Sounds simple, right?
Already five hours in to our full force, full contact self-defense class, my classmates and I were feeling somewhat better about our personal safety skills.
I mean, that 6’3”, 250lb guy already wrapped his arm around my throat in a surprise chokehold and brought me to the ground, and I still managed to fight my way out of the situation. As far as I – and many of my classmates were concerned – whatever came next would be cake.
Our instructor repeated it again: “No” is a complete sentence.
When you think of street harassment, what comes to mind? For me, I remember that time I was out jogging and someone threw a beer bottle at me from his truck.
But what do you do when you’re faced with more than just a passing interaction? What do you say to the person who won’t get out of your face – or out of your way?
“No” isn’t the start of a negotiation; it’s the end of a discussion. It’s a pretty revolutionary thought, if you let yourself think about it.
My fellow self-defense classmates and I quickly realized that saying “No” and meaning it were two very different things.
I remember thinking it would be a relief to get a break from slamming my elbow repeatedly into my (heavily padded) assailant’s face and solar plexus. Thank goodness I won’t have to watch my new friends get grabbed from behind and pulled to the ground, kicking and screaming.
Turns out, it’s just as uncomfortable, if not more so, watching those friends try to choke out a forceful “No” while blinking back tears.
Our class ranged in age from mid-teens to mid-50s. Some of us were victims of sexual, physical, and verbal assaults, while some just wanted to get some practical self-defense training in case they were ever put in a similar situation. We were all strong, brave women ready to come to blows if it meant getting out of a situation safely.
But there are some situations where you have to resist the urge to deliver a well-placed knee to the groin. Sure, you’re uncomfortable as hell, maybe embarrassed or furious or scared, but you’re not going to escalate the situation first.
Your one objective is to deescalate the verbal assault before it becomes a physical assault. In those cases, when you’re shaking because the man approaching you is saying things that would make Olivia Benson shiver, you have to deliver a “No.”
It’s not a “No, sorry” or a “No, thanks.”
It’s a “No.” End of discussion.
It took us more than few tries each, but after a while, we all delivered powerful, secure “No’s” that let our male counterparts know that we weren’t interested. We stayed calm, maintained strong body language, and talked our way out of scary situations.
If they discounted our “No’s,” we found other ways to end the conversation. If you’re looking for some examples, you can find assertive responses here.
Practice in front of a mirror. Have your friends role-play scenarios with you. Deliver your “No” with confidence.
Believe that it’s the end of the discussion and don’t let anyone discount it.
“No is a complete sentence.”
Remember that.
Claire Biggs spends her days writing for MTV. Her (very late) nights are spent tweeting about women’s rights and, among other things, her love of Twitter. You can find her there @ClaireMBiggs.
