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I was walking to return a video in my neighborhood, and a block ahead I saw a man loitering on the corner. I knew even before I approached him that he was going to say something to me. Sure enough, he told me to smile, it’s a beautiful day. I ignored him and he continued calling after me to smile and not be so mean. After I returned the video I almost went around the block to come back a different way, but I didn’t want to allow him that much impact on me so I returned the same way, but luckily he was gone. I was so annoyed that I searched for a better response and found this site.

If I had it to do over again, I would stop and say, “I don’t have to smile for you. I’m going down the street and when I come back, if you’re still here, you can say ‘Good afternoon,’ or nothing at all.”

– RS

Location: Ballard neighborhood, Seattle, WA

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I. Shame
I want to teach myself to not feel sick with guilt
when I tell you to shut the fuck up, and
I wish I could take back the quiet “thank you”
I politely whisper when you won’t leave me alone
and I don’t know what else to say.

II. Anger
“Smileformeyoungladylookingsobeautiful, canyougiveasmileforme?”
it’s a command given in two breaths.
May it subtract two of your last inhalations
for every time you’ve said it to me, every time you’ve seen me.

III. Violence
If you think my ass is yours to grab,
then I think your eye sockets are a good place
for me to jab my middle fingers, and twist.
I don’t want you to see—even in your mind’s eye—
the things you say you’d do to me if you could take me home.

IV. Shame
I’m told I “should be flattered”
As if I’m incorrect to feel
uncomfortable, unsafe, and degraded.
As if I lack emotional agency, and it’s somehow up to others
to decide how to respond to my body
with no regard for my brain.

Erica Motz is a third-year student at UW-Madison.  You can talk with her about street harassment, street respect, gender performativity, music, or making weird art at this address: ericarosemotz AT gmail.com.

I was on a bike, stopped at a red light on my way home. Suddenly a young man crossed in front of me on his bike and began screaming at the car behind me. The car came around me and braked in the middle of the intersection. A man got out and yelled at the biker but not as fanatically as the biker was yelling at him. The biker was screaming things like, “Oh you’re in a car. You dick. There’s a bike lane” etc. Then the biker turned to me and said, “YOU’RE A WITNESS!” I just stared. The light turned green. I said, “Um, can we go?” and the woman in the car next to me said, “Yeah, that would be great.” The man got back in his car and I biked past the biker.

That’s when things got weirder. This boy biked up from behind me and slowed down really close. It was a dark and isolated part of Cortland just past an underpass. We had this exchange:

Him: Hey. Hey! Why didn’t you defend yourself?
Me: Wait, what?
Him: Why didn’t you F***ING DEFEND YOURSELF?
Me: I didn’t think I was being attacked.
Him: Yes you were. That guy was F***ING YELLING AT YOU.
Me: Oh. Um… I guess I didn’t care?
Him: F***YOU. You are a f****ing c***. You know that? YOU ARE A F***ING C***.

He then pulled out a bottle of liquid (I think water, but I’m not sure) and sprayed me in the face with it.

He called me a “f***ing c***” and sprayed me in the face with a water bottle.

I was so stunned to be assaulted by this child over something that had nothing to do with me that I just pulled around on my bike as he sped past.

He must have thought he was defending all cyclists (and maybe women) and couldn’t handle the possibility that I wouldn’t be on his side. The thing is, I wasn’t threatened. I didn’t even realize the motorist behind me was even slightly annoyed.

For someone to take an instance that has nothing at all to do with him and use it as a platform for his own rage and anger management issues is unacceptable. I was a bystander and I was sprayed in the face and called a “f***ing c***.” Can’t imagine what would have happened if we had actually been in direct confrontation over something.

I think this person is dangerous. He is in his 20’s, very pale white. Wearing a Chicago flag baseball cap and riding a road bike. He has very long black hair, many tattoos, and a septum ring in his nose.

Is there anything I can do about this one particular person? Is there anything we can do?

– WR

Location: 10 PM corner of Elston and Cortland, Chicago, IL

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Yesterday as I was walking home, I stopped at a corner, and a man came up and said something to me. I had my earbuds in and I live in a big city where sometimes folks ask directions on my street, so I took them out and said, “Sorry?” He repeated what he’d said, which was, “Would you call the cops if I said you’re beautiful?” (UGHHHHH.) I used to just say, “Thanks,” or whatever to these comments but I was just in no mood.

I tried to be nice. I said, “No… But that’s probably not something you should be saying to women.”

IMMEDIATELY he launched into how “f***ed up” I am, and why couldn’t I just “take a compliment because you ARE beautiful”…  I just had to put my earbuds back in, turn it up, and keep walking.

How should I have responded? I don’t know if I handled it correctly, but I’m glad I let him know that it wasn’t welcome, and I walked the rest of the way home feeling anxious and angry. Major creep.

– Anonymous

Location: San Francisco, CA

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