Sara Conklin, Washington, DC, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

It’s finally starting to get cold this winter and I’ve breathed a sigh of relief. As a girl from the Sunshine State, throwing on winter apparel shouldn’t feel empowering – the idea of stuffing my body into multiple layers of fleece and faux-fur hooded parkas is about as foreign of a concept as the idea an apartment wouldn’t come with an air conditioner or saying “you all” vs. “ya’ll.” But, I’ve noticed an important change in my attitude when winter arrives that directly correlates to my experience as a woman walking in the city.

You see, I wear my coat like armor. It might not look like it conventionally, but I do. My armor protects me from unsolicited attention and non-consensual interactions that I so desperately try to avoid. Whether the feminist inside me screaming, “dressing modestly is a patriarchal concept of oppression!..” likes it or not, the more layers I wear, the less harassment I experience.

You cringed reading that, didn’t you? I cringed typing it. The hairs on my neck stood up at the thought of disappointing my peers who are working so hard to overthrow the policing of women’s dress and bodies. After all, shouldn’t a woman deserve respect regardless of a skirt versus a long coat? Ah yes, that would be the day. But, we currently live in a world where countless individuals believe that the more skin I show is a direct invitation into conversation and interaction. And so, for my entire life, I’ve been instructed to dress modestly, appropriately, and decently to fit a standard of dress that doesn’t attract attention; clothes that allow me to slip by unnoticed in a world that has standardized expectation for nearly everything in my life.

I live in Washington, DC and some days are hot like Hell. Summertime heat waves hit like a tidal wave and the whole city is sloppy with sweat. On these days, I, like everyone else, want to wear clothes that keep me cool. But, there is also a part of me that knows more skin means more attention and that means more unsafe situations. Is the risk worth it? The real issue is that this scenario is characterized as a “risk” in the first place.

Would you believe me when I told you one of the worst moments of my life was witnessing a mother on the subway whisper to her young daughter, “Cover her mouth when you yawn or else boys might get the wrong idea?” That was a horrible moment. Other horrible moments include the day I saw a young woman in a beautiful sundress which she clearly loved, lose her confidence in an instant when a man yelled something about her legs. Or, when I told my friend I was frustrated being repeatedly harassed by the same man on the sidewalk and he replied, “Honey, that’s what sunglasses and iPhone headphones are for.”

Because if it isn’t just the coat, it’s sunglasses to block my gaze, headphones to drown out sound, and a change of suitable clothes in my gym bag that act as tools to blockade the unsafe pieces of the world around me. I was unconsciously creating a physical barrier between the world and myself to gain back a little more control, or rather, any control at all.

I am embarrassed that I feel somehow responsible for reinforcing a dictatorial concept. Each time I change what I wear to be perceived as more modest I feel progressively more angry and resentful. When I pop in headphones to silence potential commentary, they’re getting away with it. We all deserve respect no matter what we wear. But, until I get that respect, I will wear my winter coat like armor, my sunglasses like a mask, and my headphones like a personal white noise machine.

Sara works in fundraising events at an organization that empowers women who face homelessness through recovery, wellness training, and housing. She runs her own photography company (saraconklinphotography.com) and a popular website that seeks to connect the world through pictures, sarapose.com.