winter Archives | Stop Street Harassment

Simona-Maria Chirciu, Bucharest, Romania, SSH Blog Correspondent

First of all, this is my second time as a SSH Blog Correspondent and I am so happy to have this honour.

I am in charge of Hollaback! Romania and I am working on a PhD thesis regarding gender-based street harassment in Romania, so I am involved 24/7 in the awesome fight for safe spaces. I really think that together we are powerful and fierce and we can support others to find their strength, too.

Right now in Romania we are having a tough winter. The weather is so cold and nobody wants to stay out for a long time. But still, street harassers do not take a break in winter. Business as usual, right?

Stories represent a vital tool in fighting street harassment and link together harassed people. I want to share three different stories of street harassment in this winter. The first story is mine.

I know already that women can’t have a break from street harassment, even if outside it’s -10 Celsius degrees. I remain a street harassment target (in my harassers’ eyes) and a fighter year after year, winter after winter. A couple of days ago I was barely walking because of the glazed frost. Walking in winter time is quite an adventure if you don’t have a car or money for taxi. I was sick and moody but I had to go to work. I crossed the street, when a driver honked and then stopped his car near me, open the other door and ask me to go in the car with him! His lewd smile made me sick on my stomach. A 45-50 years old man harassing a young woman in the street instead of minding his own business.

I said, ”You are such an idiot! Leave me alone!” He was surprised because I had the nerve to answer him and then drove off. Harassers act powerful but they take this power from us. We are the ones to decide if we accept this, or we hold on to our power and fight them back.

Since the last year I have noticed many girls and women are posting their street harassment experiences on social media. This is quite a surprise for me, as a researcher and as a activist so I try to do my best in encouraging girls and women to do so: to use their voice and to tell their stories.

The second story is of Mihaela from Bucharest. She shared her story on the Hollaback! Romania Facebook page using #harassmentinthebus (#hartuireinratb) on 8th December 2016,.

Her story goes like this: ”Bucharest, Rahova neigbourhood. I was walking to the classes with the tram 32. Beside one seated lady was a man standing. At the next stop she left and I took her seat. That man comes near me and using the excuse he wanted to make room for another person to cross, he almost was brushing his groin to my face. I sighed loudly to show my disapproval. He backed off. I knew he did this on purpose but my first thought was, ”I am wrong to think this. I am the one guilty.”

Then, someone wanted to cross again and this time he did the same thing. I was so close to touching his genitals with my face. But this time he was not moving back from my face, so I started to show my disgust. Nothing! I badly wanted to scream at him to back off but I was afraid of his reaction and the reaction of bystanders as well. I was worried that people will say that I am the one wanting to get close to him and do something with him …. So often the victim is the one to blame.”

Yes! The victim is the one to blame… Why? Because we are living in a rape culture, in a patriarchal society that teaches girls and women to be quiet, to know and accept their place and to please boys and men. Their voices, their experiences, their rights are not so important. And if men are sexist, violent or abusive, always the blame is on women.

So often I hear this from girls and women: ”I was too afraid … I don’t know, maybe it’s my fault.. Maybe I did something to make him react like this …” and so on. The blame is not on us, it’s on the perpetrators and harassers! Always! Full stop!

The third and the last story is of one of my friends and a former colleague, K., as she was leaving Bucharest. She is a feminist and is a strong woman. I care for her and I was so upset hearing this but I asked for her consent to write her story. When she said to me what happened to her, I was so surprised: she was harassed and sequestered by a taxi driver. I heard a similar story from another woman two years ago and it was very bad indeed. The good news is that we managed to fight for justice and that taxi driver is in prison… I know harassment and sexual violence are so common, so prevalent. But let’s back to my friend, K.

”It was New Year’s Eve. I was at a party in a local pub. I was searching for a taxi. I found one but because it was night, he overcharged me. I was in the cab with one of my girl friends. The taxi driver was ok, he was quiet and serious. I dropped off my friend in front of her house. Then, he drove to my place but when I wanted to get off, he blocked the doors. He wanted me to give him my phone number or my Facebook account and asked if maybe if I can go to a coffee with him at 6 am in that morning. So I said to him, ‘Look, mister! I want you to let me out of the car. In the second place, you are working now, and your job is not to insist I give you my contact. Moreover, you saw I was with my boyfriend when I approached you.’

He was insisting even harder so I texted a message on Whatsapp to find someone to help me escape from him. I was a hostage in his car! I texted to a friend and he called me. He tried to make me feel ok. ‘Please, talk to me. In this way, the driver will know someone knows you are not safe right now,’ he said. So, I was talking to this friend and the taxi driver refused to let me go. After some time, he started to panic and opened the doors, but only after mentioning that ‘I don’t know what a good catch I am losing’. After I was home and safe, I talked to my boyfriend and he said to me that if he knew this, he wouldn’t let me go alone, but I think this is so stupid: in 2017, a woman is not able to ride alone?!”

Yes, maybe it sounds stupid, but this is the reality of many women and LBTQ folks: you don’t know if you are safe from harassment and violence even when you choose to pay and go for a taxi, instead of public transportation.

One day, I was talking to a friend and I made a funny but real comparison: “Harassers are like cockroaches!” because they are intruders, they are many, they are tough, they are everywhere. But we are the one to decide if we accept the harassers in our space or if we fight them back (not with insecticide, of course, but with action!).

Even when we are feeling too small or too weak to create a change, when we are scared and traumatized by our experiences, when we are all alone and we try to resist and fight this back, we can make it! Our bad experiences do not define who we really are. Our actions do! So it’s good to keep in mind that our actions can bring change for us and for others.

Stay safe, strong and be super-fighters against street harassment this winter!

Simona-Marie is a Ph.D. Student in Political Sciences, working on a thesis on gender-based street harassment in Romania. She is an activist and organizes numerous public actions (marches, flash-mobs, protests) against sexual violence and street harassment against women. Now she is part of an working-group trying to improve by public policies the situation of young homeless people in Romania. You can find her on Facebook.

Sara Conklin, Washington, DC, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

It’s finally starting to get cold this winter and I’ve breathed a sigh of relief. As a girl from the Sunshine State, throwing on winter apparel shouldn’t feel empowering – the idea of stuffing my body into multiple layers of fleece and faux-fur hooded parkas is about as foreign of a concept as the idea an apartment wouldn’t come with an air conditioner or saying “you all” vs. “ya’ll.” But, I’ve noticed an important change in my attitude when winter arrives that directly correlates to my experience as a woman walking in the city.

You see, I wear my coat like armor. It might not look like it conventionally, but I do. My armor protects me from unsolicited attention and non-consensual interactions that I so desperately try to avoid. Whether the feminist inside me screaming, “dressing modestly is a patriarchal concept of oppression!..” likes it or not, the more layers I wear, the less harassment I experience.

You cringed reading that, didn’t you? I cringed typing it. The hairs on my neck stood up at the thought of disappointing my peers who are working so hard to overthrow the policing of women’s dress and bodies. After all, shouldn’t a woman deserve respect regardless of a skirt versus a long coat? Ah yes, that would be the day. But, we currently live in a world where countless individuals believe that the more skin I show is a direct invitation into conversation and interaction. And so, for my entire life, I’ve been instructed to dress modestly, appropriately, and decently to fit a standard of dress that doesn’t attract attention; clothes that allow me to slip by unnoticed in a world that has standardized expectation for nearly everything in my life.

I live in Washington, DC and some days are hot like Hell. Summertime heat waves hit like a tidal wave and the whole city is sloppy with sweat. On these days, I, like everyone else, want to wear clothes that keep me cool. But, there is also a part of me that knows more skin means more attention and that means more unsafe situations. Is the risk worth it? The real issue is that this scenario is characterized as a “risk” in the first place.

Would you believe me when I told you one of the worst moments of my life was witnessing a mother on the subway whisper to her young daughter, “Cover her mouth when you yawn or else boys might get the wrong idea?” That was a horrible moment. Other horrible moments include the day I saw a young woman in a beautiful sundress which she clearly loved, lose her confidence in an instant when a man yelled something about her legs. Or, when I told my friend I was frustrated being repeatedly harassed by the same man on the sidewalk and he replied, “Honey, that’s what sunglasses and iPhone headphones are for.”

Because if it isn’t just the coat, it’s sunglasses to block my gaze, headphones to drown out sound, and a change of suitable clothes in my gym bag that act as tools to blockade the unsafe pieces of the world around me. I was unconsciously creating a physical barrier between the world and myself to gain back a little more control, or rather, any control at all.

I am embarrassed that I feel somehow responsible for reinforcing a dictatorial concept. Each time I change what I wear to be perceived as more modest I feel progressively more angry and resentful. When I pop in headphones to silence potential commentary, they’re getting away with it. We all deserve respect no matter what we wear. But, until I get that respect, I will wear my winter coat like armor, my sunglasses like a mask, and my headphones like a personal white noise machine.

Sara works in fundraising events at an organization that empowers women who face homelessness through recovery, wellness training, and housing. She runs her own photography company (saraconklinphotography.com) and a popular website that seeks to connect the world through pictures, sarapose.com.

Romania: Street Harassment in Winter Time is Business as Usual!

USA: My Suit of Armor