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How to Deal With Cat-Callers, Leer-ers and Other Street Harassers

June 10, 2010 By HKearl

This is a piece I wrote for AOL’s Lemondrop.com and it was published yesterday. I’m cross posting it here:

Jen Corey, the current Miss D.C., recently made headlines in Washington when she slammed a man against a wall at a bar. Why? Because he was the third man that night to inappropriately touch her without her consent and she’d had enough.

Men have harassed Corey in public places since she was 12 years old — and it’s not just at the bars. It’s on her lunch break. At the grocery store. When she’s out shopping with her girlfriends. And I’m sure you know the exact type of thing she’s talking about. Around the world — even in countries like Egypt and Yemen where most women are veiled in public — 80 percent of females are harassed by unknown men in public places. This harassment ranges from unwanted leers and whistles to sexually explicit or sexist comments to sexual touching and stalking. The unwelcome attention impacts our sense of self, freedom to go out in public, and our comfort level when we’re there.

This reality is unacceptable. Women should have the right to go outside without being harassed or touched. Corey told me, “I don’t expect every guy to leave me alone when I’m out … I just want to be respected and I don’t think that it’s too much to ask.”

It isn’t. But unfortunately, until men are educated not to harass women and are penalized if they do, it will keep happening. So, what can we do to deal with it? It depends on the situation, but when we feel safe, we can empower ourselves by taking some kind of action against the jerk who is making us feel annoyed and unsafe.

Here are 10 ideas for action, with more found at Stop Street Harassment and in the forthcoming book “Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Places Safe and Welcoming for Women.”

1. Tell the harasser exactly what you want to happen. For example, tell him “Move away from me,” “Stop touching me,” or “Go stand over there.” Use an assertive tone and forego saying “please” to strengthen what you are saying. He doesn’t deserve any niceties.

2. Say a general statement like, “Stop harassing women. I don’t like it. No one likes it. Show some respect.” Speak it in a neutral but assertive tone.

3. If you are in a crowded area, identify the perpetrator and shame him in front of others. You can say something like, “Hey man in the grey shirt, stop touching me!”

4. If you are at a bar or on a bus, tell the bartender or the bus driver what is happening. Tell someone standing nearby and ask for their help.

5. Snap a photo of the harasser and use it to report him to the police, public transportation authority, or store or bar manager (depending on where the harassment occurred).

6. If the harasser works for an identifiable company (such as a construction company or delivery service company), write down where the harassment occurred and a description of the harasser (or take a photo) and report him to his boss.

7. If the harasser is in a car, write down the license plate number. Even pretending to write it down can scare him into stopping. And if the harasser is aggressive or threatening, you can use it to report him to the police.

8. Tell the harasser that you are conducting a research project or survey. Start asking them questions such as, “How often do you do this?” or “How do you choose which people to harass?” or “Do you discuss your harassment activities with your mother, sister or female friends?”

9. Look out for your friends and other women. If it looks like a woman is being harassed, ask her if she is okay and offer help.

10. Share your street harassment story to raise awareness that this is a problem and to vent about what happened. Find a local HollaBack website or submit your story to Stop Street Harassment’s blog.

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Filed Under: Advice, News stories, street harassment Tagged With: AOL Lemondrop, hwo to deal with catcallers, street harassment

“High school idiots”

June 10, 2010 By Contributor

I was driving home from work, and I usually have to drive through Salem, Massachusetts, and past the high school there. It was nice out, so I had my window open and was in a line of traffic. As I sat there, two teenage boys, both black, walked by and began to holler, not at me, but a very pretty Hispanic girl across the street.

One boy was far more vocal than his friend, and yelled things like, “Hey! Stop walking so fast!” The girl, thankfully, knew better to than to listen, because she was really booking it. I wanted to yell at the boy and tell him to leave her alone, but I was worried that he might attack me or go after her after I’d driven off.

The fact that this type of behavior is considered okay for men of all ages is sick, and I personally blame music, television and movies for reinforcing sexual harassing behaviors. Teenage boys do like to think about girls, yes, but they should not be harassing their classmates on the street. I’m personally thinking about complaining directly to Salem Hugh School and demand they take action somehow.

If there are any high school girls that use this site, I think it’s important that you all know that no male, classmate or otherwise, has the right to treat you like shit, and that you have every right to say something about it and get support from your school.

– J.

Location: Salem, Massachusetts

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: empowering teenager girls, high school harassers, street harassment

Sex segregated bus lines

June 10, 2010 By HKearl

Many times when I talk about my dissatisfaction with women-only public transportation initiatives in countries like Japan, Brazil, India, and Mexico, created as a response to sexual harassment on public transportation, I cite the fact that it doesn’t stop men from harassing women at the bus or subway stop. Consequently, I believe that governments should focus on why sexual harassment is occurring and address those issues, otherwise people will still find places and ways to harass each other, regardless of segregated transportation.

Now in Central Jakarta, India, instead of addressing why harassment is occurring, the government is segregating people by creating two lines for women and men to stand in when they wait for a bus! This is the first time I’ve heard about a city initiating segregation in this way and for the purpose of helping to minimize crime and sexual harassment.

Interestingly, their bus system is not one where there is sex segregation on board. So men can still harass women on the bus. Men passing by the bus stop can easily harass women in the line and probably men in the male line can harass across the way to the women in line too, if they wanted. So I don’t see this as helping curb the issue of harassment.

What do you think?

Woman stands at the women-only bus line. Image via Jakarta Post
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Filed Under: News stories, street harassment Tagged With: bus stop harassment, central Jakarta, India, public transportation, sexual harassment, street harassment, women-only

“Every time this happens, I feel sick with fear”

June 9, 2010 By Contributor

Saturday night I went out to dinner with some friends because of a birthday. I left early (had to catch my bus on 10:45 P.M.) since I had to go home. I never look forward to waiting for my bus/train to arrive. That’s why I always wear my headphones and listen to music. Not too loudly though, so I could still hear what people say around me. I shouldn’t have to do this, but I’m paranoid because of all the times I’ve been harassed while listening to music with the result that those men get angry because I’m not listening to them!

Then a group of men appeared and started to yell at me: “Hey girl! GIRL!” trying to gain my attention. I ignored them, but one of them seated himself next to me on the same bench I was sitting on and another one tried to catch my eye.

I was so relieved when my bus arrived. My relieve was crushed when I saw them getting up. They left me alone, but I was scared the whole ride that they would get off at the same stop as me and keep bothering me. Luckily they didn’t.

Every time this happens, I feel sick with fear. I’m so sick and tired of these privileged men harassing us. That they don’t have to feel that kind of fear. That most of them don’t (want to) understand. That I don’t get treated with respect and get laughed at when I say I want to get treated with respect.

This needs to stop!

– Daphné

Location: Gent, Belgium

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: belgium, sexual harassment, street harassment

“Can you please leave me alone?”

June 8, 2010 By Contributor

Photo taken by blog contributor

I got on the Blue Line at King Street Metro Station, and the car I got on was nearly empty. I sat near a window and just wanted to get lost in space.

Out of the blue, I hear, “Hi! Hi!” It gets louder, and I turn my head and see a guy is hovering over the empty aisle seat next to me.

“Man, I gotta tell you look beautiful,” he says. He continues to hover. His unwanted and unsolicited attention makes me uncomfortable.

“Can you please leave me alone?” I request. “I just want to enjoy the ride. I don’t feel like talking to anyone.” It’s true, I had no intention of talking to anyone. My face and body were turned towards the window. Did this guy not get it?

He said, “Okay” and sat down at a seat a row down and across the way from me, but not without mocking me with, “She said she wants to be left alone to enjoy the ride…HA!”

I managed to sneak a shot of him (though he turned my way before my camera saved the photo, which was a close call), and I changed train cars at Reagan Airport. That interaction just made me uncomfortable. Why don’t these men understand that not every woman wants to be bothered by them?

– Tired of Being Harassed

Location: Blue Line towards Largo Town Center, Northern Virginia

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: street harassment, washington dc metro

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