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USA: When my tour guide harassed me

August 24, 2014 By Correspondent

Kasumi Hirokawa, PA, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

Via Worldin1001view

International travel is great. You get to try new food, practice phrases in a new language, geek out at landmarks and learn about the local history. I honestly don’t know anyone who doesn’t like traveling.

However, the fun of sightseeing abroad can come at a cost if you are a woman or a gender non-conforming person: there’s sexual harassment. Unwanted sexual attention and body policing can come from locals, fellow tourists and people who work closely with tourists. Here, I will share my stories of being harassed by people whose job is to ensure the safety and comfort of travelers.

I visited Bangkok and Pattaya, Thailand in the summer of 2012 with my family. We were part of a 20-some-person tour group with a local guide who spoke Mandarin and Thai.

We were to spend our second day in Pattaya on a beach. It was the day I was looking forward to my entire trip. After running around and riding banana boats on the spotless beach on an island off Pattaya City’s harbor, my sister and I sat down to rest by my mother. My sister dug up a camera out of a backpack and walked away.

I stayed and caught the tour guide, a married middle-aged man, staring at me. He sat next to my mother. “She’s got a fine body, your elder daughter,” he attempted to whisper but he was too loud.

It still wasn’t the worst I’ve encountered yet. Our group was to visit a local Buddhist temple and have dinner at a cruise ship in the city after the beach.

At the temple, bus drivers from other tour groups honked at my sister and me in the parking lot, giving our bums thumbs up. Security guards in uniform ran their eyes up and down our bodies. We heard wolf whistles. We saw them exchange looks and laugh. I didn’t feel the peace of mind the temple promised its visitors.

That same night, when our group climbed on board the cruise for dinner, I heard yet another wolf whistle. A tanned Thai man was standing behind me with a Cheshire cat grin. He whispered “nice ass” before pulling out his flag and led his group of Chinese tourists to their table. I was disgusted that I had to be stuck on the same ship as this man for the next few hours. It wasn’t surprising when he kept whistling at me wherever on the ship I went, following closely behind like a baby duck waddling after its mother – only sleazier and hornier.

Fast forward to last year, in the spring of 2013. My friend and I vacationed in Marrakech, Morocco for a week while we spent our semesters abroad in Paris and London, respectively. It was a dream come true for me. I’ve always been a huge fan of Moorish art and architecture. To this day, Morocco is one of my favorite countries.

Even on this trip, there was something I’d rather forget. It was – you guessed it – sexual harassment. The sheer number of times strangers talking to us was astronomical. Beyond comparison to any other places we’d been. It wasn’t a Japanese holiday and there were few Asians except for us. Most of them seemed to be merchants trying to lure customers into their shops: “Bonjour! Konnichiwa! Miss! The pretty one! Yes, you. With a flower! I have a perfect comb for you! Why don’t you come and have a look?” Some others wanted to know our cell phone numbers and how much we would cost for a night.

I fell instantly in love with our riad – a traditional courtyard house-turned-B&B. We were treated to delicious pastries with jam, freshly squeezed OJ and mint tea every morning. Our room was cozy and the decors in the sitting room and courtyard were crafty and beautiful. The rooftop terrace was a delight. The staff was attentive. It was almost perfect.

We arranged a hike at nearby Ourika Valley with the riad’s own manager assistant-cum-guide, Kamal. Upon seeing the 25-year-old, my friend exclaimed, “Gosh, he’s hot!” He was the only English speaker among the hotel staff. It was a huge relief for me because in the riad everyone else spoke Arabic and French. I don’t know much French, so most of the times I was just pretending to listen with a blank face.

Kamal was very knowledgeable of the valley area, taking us to an argan oil cooperative, showing us a Bedouin house and talking about the flora and fauna of the Atlas Mountains. Kamal the guide made hiking up the rocky surfaces seem easy, but it wasn’t exactly for me.

Despite both of us sporting Converse sneakers, my friend was a far better hiker than me. I had to be pulled up and down by the guide. At one point, he had to summon a fellow guide from another riad to pull me up a steep incline. I was embarrassed to be such a burden to him and my friend.

Back in the riad that evening, my friend sent me to return the money she borrowed from Kamal. She was too exhausted from the hike. I thought nothing of it. I went upstairs to knock on the guide’s office, which is also used as his bedroom. I handed him the money, thanked him and turned around when he called to me, “Hey, would you like to see the pictures of the Atlas Mountains? And the other place you are going to visit tomorrow?” “Well, just a few minutes,” I said.

He opened a browser and frowned. We don’t have a strong internet connection here, he said. Let’s go downstairs, in the sitting room. So we went. It was 10pm but all of the guests were either out or inside their rooms. We had the sitting room to ourselves.

Kamal talked about the place my friend and I were to visit the next day. Then he told me about his dreams of visiting Far East. I tried to hide my yawns. Then I felt his arm wrapped around my shoulder and his other hand rubbing my thigh. I looked at Kamal’s face in shock. He was still talking softly. Kamal the guide brushed a strand of hair from my face and leaned in. I leaned back. “I, I… need to go,” my voice was shaking. He grabbed my arm and said, “Don’t. I know you want to stay. Here, with me.” The guide winked at me. I stood up and left. I ran up the stairs.

My friend was in bed but she was awake. “What took you so long?” She looked at me while I tried to lock the door in vain. No doors have locks in this riad. What if he comes here while we sleep? I was scared. I told my friend what happened. She was surprised. We sat in silence. Finally she told me not to talk to the guide and went to sleep.

Traveling internationally is eye-opening and at the same time, stressful. Not speaking the local language is stressful. Not knowing the local customs is stressful. Having strangers hiss at you in a foreign language in an unfamiliar locale is stressful.

Often, tourists have no choice but to trust their guides and hotel staff with their safety. Therefore, for an individual who is entrusted with the safety and well being of a tourist to sexually harass those whom he or she is sworn to serve, is to betray that trust. It makes a tourist feel unsafe in a place where he or she should be able to feel safe. It makes traveling more stressful for women and gender non-conforming individuals. No one deserves to feel threatened on their vacations that cost hundreds to thousands of dollars when all they want is an escape from everyday routine – including dodging street harassers.

Kasumi is a recent graduate from Penn State with a BA in journalism. Her writing has been published in Valley Magazine, City Weekend Shanghai, Penn State GeoBlog and Shanghai Daily. You can follow her on Twitter, @kasumihrkw

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Filed Under: correspondents, Stories, street harassment

USA: Exercising Outdoors While Female

August 20, 2014 By Correspondent

Lorna M. Hartman, Spokane, WA, SSH Blog Correspondent

Image via Shooting Truth Bullets

The discussion has begun on the street harassment women experience when they exercise outdoors. Articles here, here and here (one by our own Holly Kearl here at SSH) describe this type of harassment, and plenty more are a Google search away.

Yet the pushback against this aspect of harassment is considerable. Exhibit A is the comment section of any article on street harassment of women exercising in public spaces.

Kearl’s article cited above gets this gem: “v9988, I don’t make cat calls towards woman and I don’t condone it. On a list of problems that a person could have, cat calls should be near the bottom. If common cat calls bother her then she should grow a thicker skin … She should be happy that she has the ability to run and is pretty enough to get a cat call once in a while. I used to run when I was younger and as a straight man I did not enjoy the occasional cat call that I got from men but it was no big deal.”

A couple of comments down, the attitude continues: “Wait til you lose your looks, become middle aged and the male attention stops. Then you’ll really have something to complain about. Lighten up honey. Not every woman considers a wolf whistle dangerous harassment. Geez. Lemme guess, you majored in ‘Wymyn’s Studies’ in college. Men are the enemy!”

Several more comments down there’s this excerpt: “If you choose to just run along the side of the road in spandex or tight shorts, you will receive catcalls. That is just human nature.”

A 2012 article titled “Running With Breasts: Why Won’t Men Leave Me Alone When I’m Jogging?” by Philadelphia writer Erica Palan describes her experiences jogging in public areas. First comment: “Another woman complaining about her boobs! There doesn’t seem to be one woman on this planet who likes her own boobs (or anyone else’s) … ” and it goes downhill for several paragraphs.

Writer Maghen Nicole says, “As a young, female cyclist, my safety and right to access transportation with dignity has been compromised by traffic and pedestrians,” in her article “Harassing Me While I’m Biking Is Still Street Harassment” published in mid-August this year.

She goes on to say, ““Street harassment is yet another way for men to exert their power over women, far too often without question or consequence. Cyclists have had enough. Women have had enough … cases as extreme as passengers in cars reaching out to touch and grab women biking have been reported … women have reported men making uncomfortable and offensive comments about the way they were seated on their bikes.”

Her article was met with responses such as:

* “Should you be harassed no. Is cat calling really so bad that it makes you feel un-safe? If it does make you feel that way you better just stay home with your mommy while she cooks you din-din”
* “So much women’s studies jargon just to complain about someone saying something to you.”
* “Words are words; learn to be an adult and not some sniveling 12 year old … Now it’s ‘Sticks & stones will break my bones; Words will devastate my inner child, because I’m sniveling cry baby!’”

A blogger named Mountaineer created a Twitter handle called @offsideplays where women can share their experiences of being harassed while bicycling.

She wrote, “Since I created Offside Plays (@offsideplays) as a site to expose the everyday discrimination (e.g. racism, sexism, homophobia etc.) that takes place in sport and exercise nothing has caught my attention more than the harassment that women face while biking … I am consistently surprised by the amount and type of harassment/abuse faced by women on their bikes.”

How do we raise the social and legal costs of harassing outdoor exercisers simply for being female in a public space?

* Push back verbally if it’s safe to do so—both men and women can do this.
* Report physical contact by harassers to police, whether it happens to you or whether you observed it happening to someone else. A harasser moving into someone’s physical space and touching them is breaking the law.
* Advocate for police to have training on what street harassment really is and what it’s really like, and expect police to follow it up when you report a physical assault or stalking situation.
* Press charges when we have opportunity to do so, if we can afford it financially and emotionally.
* Share your stories with friends and family. It gives them the choice: They can either voice their support, or lose the ability to be in denial.

Post your stories to public online places like @offsideplays, the Hollaback website and Hollaback iPhone and Droid apps, following Twitter account @EndStHarassment and tweets tagged #endstreetharassment, following and submitting your stories to StopStreetHarassment and Fuck You Street Harassment on Tumblr, and many more.

There’s a lot of work to do before women exercising outdoors are treated with the respect due to any human being. But we are doing the work, and we can achieve the goal with perseverance.

Lorna is raising three young, kindhearted male allies and has worked on rape and interpersonal violence since the 1990s, including serving on the local rape hotline, answering calls, and driving to emergency rooms to advocate for victims and connect them with resources they needed.

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Filed Under: correspondents, Stories, street harassment

Belgium: Femme de la Rue: A woman in the street

August 13, 2014 By Correspondent

 Dearbhla Quinn, Dublin Ireland/Brussels, Belgium, SSH Blog Correspondent

I thought it would be appropriate, for my final article, to go back to what initially compelled me to volunteer for this position. Street harassment is something that most women and LGBTQ+ people I know have experienced since their early teenage years, however I was not prepared for the extent of this harassment that I would face on a daily basis when I first moved to this city. Often termed the ‘Heart of Europe’, Brussels is a beautiful and historic city endowed with a vibrant multitude of cultures, languages and people. I was quickly drawn into and wooed by the beauty and energy of what is possibly Europe’s most underrated city.

When I first moved to the district of Chatelain I was instantly enchanted. The square where I lived surrounded a beautiful old church and the streets were filled with quirky cafes, restaurants, quaint shops and even a shisha bar; it was everything I’d hoped home on ‘The Continent’ (what we Irish call mainland Europe) would be. Street harassment is such an almost mundane, everyday occurrence that it took me a few weeks to realise just how much more of it I was experiencing, but also just how intimidating and enraging I found it. I became aware of my increasing tendency to tense up as I left my apartment and actively, almost obsessively avoid eye contact with any male passerbys. I had to suppress my natural instinct to look up, respond when someone called out to me, and i began to walk quite fast. The final straw was one night when I was walking home from the metro and for the second time that month a car drove very slowly beside me for the entire terrifying walk home. The day before I had a man follow me off a tram and I’d had to ask him to leave and then hide in a kebab shop until he did so that he wouldn’t know my address, but the white Ford transit van with its strange serial killer association, crawling by a 5km an hour, its driver staring at me jolted me into indignance. I sent out a few angry tweets to share my frustration and by total chance came across one about this correspondence programme, just in time to sign up.

As well as giving me the opportunity to write and hopefully to contribute in some small way to the global movement against street harassment, this programme has inspired me to seek out activists and discover their stories. It was inspiring to hear about the dedication and commitment of the Hollaback girls, both Belgium and Ireland based, and my discovery of the film “Femme de la Rue” was the final assurance that i was not alone in my conviction that Brussels has a problem with street harassment and that it is an insidious, imitating part of women and LGBTQ+ people’s lives here.

Sofie Peeters, a Belgian film student chronicled her own struggle with street harassment on the streets of Brussels in this highly original and thought provoking documentary. Through the creation of her thesis Soffie shone a well needed light on this issue and in doing so gave both victims and perpetrators a chance to tell their stories. Both of the activists I interviewed mentioned the difficulty in engaging with harassers, Soffie Peeters addressed this, and her interview with a former harasser is possibly one of the most notable aspects of this film. The final message however is clear, concise and spot on, women deserve respect on the streets and to accept harassment is to lose a vital battle on the road to equality.

Dearbhla graduated from BESS (Business and Sociology), in Trinity College Dublin, last year. She currently lives in Brussels, Belgium, where she has a think-tank internship working in the areas of gender, equality, and employment. Follow her on Twitter @imoshedinheels and her blogs.

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Filed Under: correspondents, Stories, street harassment

USA: “It’s hard to fight an enemy that has outposts in your head”

August 13, 2014 By Correspondent

Jessie Koerner, Denver, Colorado, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

Bakken oil field via Billings Gazette

Some days the patriarchy slaps me in the face: the recent Hobby Lobby decision in the Supreme Court, the fact that Hollywood refuses to acknowledge the results of years of Bechdel Test results, the *minor* issue that rape offenders are so often excused and so rarely prosecuted. Some days the fact that society wants me to be a living, breathing mannequin creeps up on me.

In June, I wrote about how the city of Denver must have agreed to take a time out from harassing women on the street. I’ve been travelling between Colorado, North Dakota and Montana for work ever since, and to be honest, haven’t spent much time outside the office, a car, airport, or rural oil pads. It wasn’t until I was playing blackjack in a Dickinson, North Dakota, hotel that I had a thought so out of left field, I blamed it on the SoCo and 7s I’d been drinking at the table. Why is no one hitting on me?

There’s some context here that I should probably fill you in on that has nothing to do with my inflated ego. The Bakken oil field, which spans eastern Montana, to southern Alberta, and western North Dakota is the place to be if you’re in oil and gas. The addition of its one million barrels (42 gallons in a barrel) a day is what’s catapulting the United States to the top of the oil producing nations list. The Bakken boom is also responsible for a huge influx of people to western North Dakota, and at least initially, most of that population consisted of men.

If you’re reading this blog, I’m assuming you have some idea of what happens when you combine a male population influx, and money – think Super Bowl, World Cup, etc. Prostitution. And if the FBI, and human rights organizations are to be believed (obviously), around 75-80% – conservative estimates – of those prostitutes are trafficked. So this is a problem in the Bakken. A huge problem. In addition, I’ve talked with multiple people, including a police investigator in Dickinson, who say that girls who live in the western North Dakota area refuse to go to bars any more because they’re sick of being hit on and harassed.

So this detour in information has brought us back around to that night at the blackjack table, where I lost five whole dollars to Dickinson charities (I’m a conservative and blasé gambler… what can I say). Why are none of these douchecanoes hitting on me? Nevermind the fact that I was with my (dude) boss, another (guy) coworker, and kept yelling at every guy who sat down to “stop telling me how to bet, dear God, I will do what I want!” because, shocker, all these strange men wanted to impart their knowledge of a game of randomness.

In and of itself, this can be chalked up to a bruised ego and a bad hair day. However, I’ve been back to running around Denver for a couple of weeks now after that night, and I find that same thought creeping into my head: Why isn’t anyone harassing me? I signed up for this blogging position because I was harassed in the worst ways prior to this. Am I not pretty any more? OMG is this why I’m still single?

These ridiculous (and they are absolutely, utterly ridiculous) thoughts crept into my head, uninvited and completely automatically. Why is my subconscious whining about NOT being harassed on my daily walk from my parked car to Starbucks to the office? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!

Sneaky, sneaky patriarchy, I have internalized you, despite all the feminist bones in my body, and my empowering upbringing, and my long-time mantra of “leave me alone, I will do what I want!” When and if this happens to you, I’ll be here in my own little support group, and while I hope not to have other members, the door is always open.

This is, to me, the most insidious part of street harassment. The fear, the anxiety, the utter frustration with the situation, the split second inner debate of “should I/shouldn’t I confront this douchecanoe?” can, in most cases, be left on the street – until the next time. The unexpected self-objectification that results from the constant barrage of catcalls and objectification by men when going about our every day lives reminds me of a Sally Kempton quote that has long been accurate for me: “It’s hard to fight an enemy that has outposts in your head.”

Women alter every day behavior to avoid the experience of being harassed. Changing routes; planning ahead for the experience – “I will walk past my final destination so this harasser doesn’t know where I’m going”; avoiding working out in public, and joining a gym; changing outfits to avoid the catcalls, these are just a few examples. The constant imposition of a flight-or-fight response for walking down the street is stressful enough. Then, after so much of this, the normalization of being harassed, and the societal expectation that victims should just deal with it quietly as a part of the social compact, we get to take it home. We get to deal with the internalization of yet another message that we are an object in the world rather than a person.  AND we get told to take it as a compliment.

Even after the immediate threat has passed, the reverberations lay in wait, and reveal themselves to all of us who’ve experienced street harassment when we least expect it. They show up when we think we’ve finally gotten a reprieve from the exhausting spectacle that is being a woman in public.

Jessie is a longtime human rights activist with a feminist focus. She founded the Amnesty International chapter in college, is an active participant in JustWorld International, and manages the social media accounts for the Global Women’s Network and winnovating.com, where she also blogs.  Find her on Twitter and Instagram, @pearlsandspurs.

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Filed Under: correspondents, street harassment

Australia: How “That Girl” turned into #YesAllWomen!

August 4, 2014 By Correspondent

Corina Thorose, Melbourne, Australia, SSH Blog Correspondent

The first time I got a proper look at bona fide sexual harassment, I was about fifteen years old. Out with a group of friends, we had somehow gotten into a club, where we were enjoying being grown ups in our finest heels, skirts and halter tops. We looked like smouldering adults, but we were careful never to cross the line into Trashy.

Which is more than we could say for That Girl.

She was in a boob tube and a micro-miniskirt. Her eyes were heavily painted, and she had sex-me boots on. She was Trashy. She was Asking For It.

We observed her as our evening went on. She was groped by several guys, and she was getting angry with all of them, yelling at them all and even aggressively shoving a few of them away. We shook our heads and tsked, wondering why she was dressed like that if she wasn’t interested in men touching her. Didn’t she know clothes like that Invited Certain Attention?

It wasn’t until later in life when the groping started happening to me that I started to reassess things. I was not doing anything to Provoke it. There was no discernible pattern – it was occurring when I was drunk, sober, with friends, alone, in jeans, in a skirt, daytime, nighttime, in heels, in flats. I had become That Girl – and I had no idea how.

The answer has come to me over a lifetime of fighting these cretins off. I took the question to some of my girlfriends, and yes, even a male friend, and they were kind enough to share their own experiences of being That Girl.

Jane

“I was in Argentina with a girlfriend, and we were catching the train into the city. The carriage was packed, so we had to stand up, and the guy behind me was standing way too close to me. He was holding a briefcase and he slowly put it under my skirt and was started pushing it up. At first I thought it was an accident so just I stepped away from him, but he stepped close again and kept doing it. I pushed him away but that didn’t stop him either so I looked him straight in the eye and told him to fuck off, but that didn’t work either. In the end, I was so upset that my friend and I just got off at the next stop to get away from him. She flipped him off and yelled ‘Fuck you!’ at him, but he was totally unfazed by it.”

Kate

“I was on my way to work, so it would have been about 8:30am. I got off the train and Parliament station and a guy on the carriage got off behind me. I didn’t think anything of it until it became clear that he was following me. I kept looking back at him, making it clear that I knew he was there, but he didn’t seem to care, he just kept staring at me really intensely. He followed me all the way to the office and into the building. When I got in the elevator he followed me in and I pushed him out as hard as I could. The doors closed and I got up to our floor safely, but he waited for me in the foyer all morning. I told my boss and we called the police and they moved him on, but as he hadn’t done anything to me, there was nothing they could charge him with. He came back and waited for me again a few times, but I always gave him the slip. He gave up eventually, but I still look for him everywhere I go.”

Natalie

“I was working at a festival, and I was in charge of the set up and shut down of our stall. At the end when I was packing up, I knelt down to pick up some of our equipment and an old man who was sitting next to me says, ‘That’s what I like, a woman on her knees.’ I was so shocked I couldn’t even respond. You’d think someone of his generation would be a little classier!”

Tess

“I’m a big chested woman, and I cannot walk down the street without being gawked at. It’s not like when someone checks you out and you feel a bit chuffed about it, it’s outright staring, enough to make me really uncomfortable. One time I was out with some girlfriends and I had a pash with this guy who seemed really nice. He asked for my number and I gave it to him, and the first thing he did was text me a picture of his dick and then ask for a picture of my breasts.”

Jules

“I was eighteen and at a nightclub. This guy asked if he could have a kiss and I said no. When he asked why not, I said I had a boyfriend. He said no one would ever know and he’d make it worth my while. I was too young to know what to say or how to deal with it, so I just thanked him politely and walked away. I was really mad though, why did he feel so entitled to me?”

Hayley

“I was at the casino with a big group of friends, but I went off to go to the bathroom. When I walked in, I thought it was empty, but there was a man in one of the cubicles and he jumped out and grabbed me. I started screaming and fought him off, but I was drunk and lost my balance. He scratched up my neck really badly but luckily security got there and he ran off.”

Tom

“I was on a plane flying to Adelaide and one of the stewards was flirting with me. I thought he was cute, but I wasn’t really interested, so I was relieved when he didn’t ask for my number. He must have checked the flight registry though, because he got my last name and looked me up on Facebook! What a violation of my privacy.”

Erin

“I tried online dating and this guy who seemed perfectly nice at first told me he was going to bed to masturbate over me.”

Olivia

“I was a first time mum and I was walking my baby in her pram down the street. A boy of about sixteen rode past on his bicycle and pinched my bum. I punched him in the back and chased him down the street yelling at him.”

Jen

“My friend and I were travelling and we’d just gotten to Ottawa. We’d been out clubbing one night and on our way home stopped by the McDonald’s. We walked through the drive through but the sensor didn’t know we were there, so we waved at the car behind us to come up. It turned out to be a carful of young guys who thought, I dunno, that we were summoning them for sex. When they pulled up next to us they started saying the most revolting things, calling us cunts and telling us to suck their dicks.”

Sarah

“My girlfriend and I were trying to flag a cab down. A random car drove past and yelled ‘Sluts!’ out the window.”

Rebecca

“It was early in the morning, about 6:00 I think. I was on my way to the gym before work but on the way there, this car stopped beside me and the guy said something to me, but I just ignored him. He got out of the car and started following me. He was being really aggressive so I started to run. He caught up with me and grabbed my arm and I started screaming, but because it was so early, there was no one around. He kept telling me to shut up but I kept screaming and finally this couple turned up and started yelling at him. He got back in his car and drove off, but before he did he looked at me and said, “I’m going to remember your face.’ Thankfully, I’ve never seen him again.”

After speaking to my friends, I came to a conclusion I should have that day when I was fifteen. It doesn’t matter what you wear, where you are, or how much you’ve had to drink. We can all, at any time, be That Girl. Our bodies belong to us, and no one is entitled to objectify or touch them without our consent. Period.

I don’t mind being That Girl. What I can’t stand is That Guy.

That Guy is the one who won’t look away, who invades your personal space, or yells something out the window of his car as he drives past. That Guy is the reason I walk home from work with my keys in my fist and my phone in my hand instead of my bag. That Guy is the reason I go to the bathroom in groups, and why I don’t go jogging at night. That Guy has sent me home in tears many times, feeling ashamed of what I am wearing and making me believe that I am Asking For It.

Don’t be That Guy.

#YesAllWomen.

Corina is a journalist who is currently in a Masters’ program in Professional Writing. Follow her work on social media: @BrandosBride, www.facebook.com/theirownbells, instagram.com/theirownbells

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Filed Under: correspondents, Stories, street harassment

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