30th of May. 3pm. I had just handed my university project in and was going home to relax. On the way home I went into Tesco’s to get some shopping. Nothing out of the ordinary.

However, as I was walking down the street a man passed by me, eyed me up and down and said, “Ooohh… ..I’d love to do you.”

I am fairly used to getting whistled at etc, but for him to actually say that really creeped me out. I ended up turning around and telling him to piss off. But it still made me feel powerless. What was I meant to do? Publicly shame him? Kick him in the nuts? (I was incredibly tempted to do this had I not been carrying six bags of shopping – haha).

But seriously, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. The stupidest thing was, I looked like complete crap as well. I had been writing constantly to try and get my university work done and was wrecked. I was dressed very plain and quite boyishly, so I really wasn’t looking for attention. I wasn’t even making eye contact at this man, I was looking at the other side of the street.

Eugh. If I was to say that to a man it would be totally unheard of. But I wouldn’t because I’m, you know, sane. Don’t worry though, I cheered up pretty quickly afterwards, a blasting of TLC’s ‘No Scrubs’ seemed to do the trick!

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

I have no idea. I wish there was a way to end things like this happening, but it seems it has become a social norm to engage in this behaviour.

I feel ashamed that I don’t know what to do. I usually just try my best to ignore it. Granted, it won’t make the problem go away, but I feel a lot better not giving into creeps like that who just want to make others feel small or uncomfortable. At the end of the day, my happiness comes first and I just continue to do what I was going to that day anyways. I’m not going to let them change my plans just because they’re being an asshole.

– Anonymous

Location: Aldgate East, London, UK

I recall on a hot summer day, I was wearing a flowing dress to go with the beautiful weather. There was a man, possibly the age of my father, who loved nothing more than to stare at a fifteen year old girl’s legs. Uncomfortable, I tried not to make eye contact as I slid away from the man who was less than five feet away from me. I exchanged looks with my friend who knew exactly what I was thinking. “What a fucking creep.” As five minutes pass, we try to make small talk, to ignore the man’s blatant staring. My sister- who was sitting next to me glances at the man- to our “surprise” taking photos of us. My sister then stares intensely back at him, and pulls out her phone to take pictures of him to give him a taste of his own medicine. Shamefully, he puts his phone down, but lord-behold he does not stop staring.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

Stop being perverts

– Anonymous

Location: Flushing, NY

It’s whenever I leave the house. I seem to have been born with a magnate for the entitled. I am not pretty, and I am overweight. So of course there is at least one person who feels the need to tell me these things. Or that I would be prettier if I lost some weight. Or that I am a c**t. Or, in one most recent case, a drunk guy at a bus stop told every one waiting that my tattoo must mean I tried to kill myself (after telling him that it had personal meaning).

I used to get men yell out car windows at me to “walk faster!”, “move that ass!”

Since I moved, I have copped considerably less, but it is still when ever I go out. There is always at least one person who insists on staring, commenting to their mates, or commenting to me how I shouldn’t wear something or that I need to lose weight. Or, in the case of one “friend” that I would need extensive plastic surgery to ever be attractive enough to find even a “shitty husband”

I have had an acute anxiety and panic disorder for life, and people wonder why I don’t want to leave the house.

– Anonymous

Location: Brisbane, Australia

In college I was walking down the street, running some errands, on a sunny Saturday afternoon. There were tons if people walking around in center city Philadelphia, but I happened to notice these two guys up ahead of me. I don’t know why they stuck out to me, but right after I passed them, they started cat calling and saying things to me. It started with a “hey beautiful” and other such statements, but as I kept ignoring them, not only did the comments get worse and worse, but I realized they were following me.

Finally, one of the men said “I would love to slide my dick inside those milky, white thighs.” I was so scared that I went into the nearest store and waited until I was sure they were gone. I was so worried they would come back that I didn’t finish my errands but just went home instead. Philly is pretty notorious for its level of danger, especially to women.

– Elana

Location: Center city, Philadelphia, near the 11th and Market subway stop

After going through The OpEd Project‘s public seminar about how to have a public voice, including how to write op-eds, in 2010, I began writing op-eds on street harassment. I quickly learned not to read the comments, but today, as I did research for an op-ed, I went back to the comments of my second op-ed — the first one where I shared a street harassment experience. Ugh, most of them are upsetting.

I was 27 years old, on a business trip in Oregon, and had a scary experience while running. In my op-ed, which opened with that experience, I connected my verbal harassment experience to recent stories of men raping and murdering women runners to explain why my experience scared me. I concluded with suggestions for what needed to change so that women runners would be safer.

Most of the commenters were quite upset with me and very dismissive. These are excerpts of just a few of their charming remarks:

“Wait til you lose your looks, become middle aged and the male attention stops. Then you’ll really have something to complain about. Lighten up honey.”

“If common cat calls bother her then she should grow a thicker skin and if she is scared then she should learn to protect her self. She should be happy that she has the ability to run and is pretty enough to get a cat call once in a while.”

“Find an appropriate place to run where other runners go. If you choose to just run along the side of the road in spandex or tight shorts, you will receive catcalls. That is just human nature.”

“Ms. Kearl, your picture, unless it’s been photoshopped, suggests you’re attractive. I assume that at least one reason you run is to remain so. If you’d like to avoid whistles, stop running and put on fifty pounds.”

“I would like all women to express their appreciation of my physique when they pass me. I feel harassed when they dont. I am thinking of writing a book which details the harassment of this silence. I call it “Start Public Complements: Making Public Places Welcoming for Men”. I want laws passed that make it illegal for women to pass a man and not make a positive comment about their physical features”

“Boo hoo lady get over your self. Life must be hard for you with your big problems. Grow a thicker skin and learn how to protect your self.”

“A review of Ms Kearl’s web page makes one think that Ms Kearl must seek out this type of harassing response in order to support her thesis for the book. Male predators are a very serious social danger, especially to younger women and this questionable attempt for publicity only demeans the real problem and the need to combat it. (I hope the obvious satire of the above comment helps you to appreciate how misguided Holly’s position is!)”

When I’m in the thick of street harassment activism and largely surrounded by people who get it, I can forget how many people simply do not. They think it’s no big deal, a compliment, or our fault.

In reading these comments, I am very glad that the national report on street harassment will be out on Tuesday proving this is a pervasive problem that negatively impacts people’s (primarily women’s) lives. I hope it can make a difference!