Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Nepal: Separate buses now, separate walking lanes in the future?

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Aakriti Karki, Kathmandu, Nepal, SSH Blog Correspondent

Image via ekantipur.com

Recently, a female only bus service launched in Nepal. The idea behind this service is to provide more safety to women from harassment.

When I read about it in the morning paper, I smiled. I was glad that the public transport authorities were finally paying heed to our concerns. Moreover, to know that the bus services would soon have lady drivers and lady conductors meant that more opportunities were going to be provided to women. Also, this would break the gender stereotypes in our society. We don’t see women as bus drivers or as conductors in Kathmandu even though there is a rise in the number of women who drive their own cars. Even the tempos have more female drivers compared to bus drivers. As for conductors, I’ve seen only a handful in Kathmandu so far. So I was really happy about the news that morning.

That very day, while I was returning home, I was treated rather rudely by a male bus conductor. As soon as I took my seat next to a window, he stared at me. A few other passengers gave me quizzical looks. A few minutes later, the conductor started yelling and pointing his finger at me. I had my earphones in so I removed them in time to hear him yell at me for not sitting in the “women’s seating area,” meaning the few seats designated for women-only on the bus.

I apologized and sat where he wanted me to be seated. Throughout that ride I kept questioning myself – Why could I not sit any other place? Wasn’t this “seat reservation” system put in place for the ladies who couldn’t find a seat in a packed buses? Why did I have to sit here if I could sit anywhere else? The bus wasn’t completely occupied! I didn’t have to sit just there. I knew I could sit anywhere else. But how was I supposed to explain it to them? The conductor followed the system. But was that the right way? He just did that to avoid the scolding from the police in case there was an inspection.

This is where our problem lies. No matter how much our society chants “women equality”, “women empowerment”, “women safety”, we never manage to make that happen. Will females not be allowed to travel in regular buses because there are “all-women buses” available for us? What if I want to travel someplace with my guy friends? Will we have to use separate buses? I hope this doesn’t become another misinterpreted system or another excuse for people to tell me where to sit. The last thing I need now is people telling me which bus to travel in and whom to travel with.

The new women-only bus “tactic” will surely help physically challenged women and older women. It’ll definitely put parents with young daughters at ease. But not me. I don’t mind defending myself when someone makes lewd comments about me or even stares me with that grin on his face. I like fighting with perverts and harassers. I like my freedom and I want all that any guy in my society gets.

I also like making people aware about the inequalities and dangers our society holds for girls. I like it when men show some respect to women – not because they are women but because they are humans. I like it when one human respects another human.

With these new buses, maybe we’ll be safe. But what about the “perverted” minds that will still wander free? Will we start having separate lanes to walk in? Because hey! We aren’t safe on the streets either, are we?

Aakriti is a student at Jalalabad Ragib Rabeya Medical College and member at Women LEAD Nepal – the only leadership development organisation for young women in Nepal. You can follow her on Twitter @karki_aakriti or Facebook.

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“As if it’s a milestone in a little girl’s life”

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At the age of 9, a man told me I had sexy legs. It caught me off guard and I thought wow, I’ve never been called sexy before. Shortly after men whistled at me and told me I should unzip my sunflower skirt. I lost my innocence.

My teenage years were a time of yearning for acceptance so I wore short skirts and belly shirts just to get attention. It was an awkward time and I thought it was normal to the point that I confused my self-worth based on a guy’s opinion.

My twenties turned dangerous: I would get followed or receive scary threats. Now in my late twenties I get defensive and stick up middle fingers.

I’m still finding ways to handle the situation, that’s why I take this matter seriously. Someday I know I might have to face this again with a little girl when she gets her first catcalled by a grown man and I’m going to explain why it happened. As if it’s a milestone in a little girl’s life, like getting her first period. It’s an unpleasant surprise but eventually you learn to deal with it. How can that be possibly explained to a child? The thought of it disturbs me.

– Maria

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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“I was dumbfounded that someone would actually say that”

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My earliest interaction of catcalling came when I was 12 years old. My friend was gorgeous and physically mature for her age, and told me she got catcalled a lot. Once, we were walking downtown together, and a 30-ish man yelled from a car, ʺHey baby, you lookin gooood today,” equipped with kissing noises. My (keep in mind, 12 year old) friend just frowned, looked at her shoes, and sighed. I was dumbfounded that someone would actually say that, and thinking back, it’s quite disgusting.

– Anonymous

Location: Los Angeles, CA

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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“Even witnessing such an act is offensive to all around”

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I got catcalled twice today in a total of less than two minutes on the street, in the exact same location. The first man at first greeted me, but then said I was beautiful. When I didn’t respond, he followed me, repeating that I’m beautiful. I told the first man that he should not comment on the physical appearance of random people on the street. He retorted that I can’t say things like that to people, which I found odd after he just objectified me. I was walking a half block from my car to my gym. Then on my way back after my workout, a man in a group of construction workers in the very same spot leered at me and said, ʺI would love to marry you.ʺ I replied, ʺDisgusting,ʺ and received no retort.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

If every woman who got one of these comments could just express her opinion of what it is: disgusting.  If every catcall a man ever dished out was answered with a, “DISGUSTING!” I bet they would stop.  But it has to be every single one.  If I am a bystander to a catcall, I also give my opinion then, but not in an effort to protect the victim, but just to let them know that even witnessing such an act is offensive to all around.

– Emily Wilkinson

Location: 14th & H St NE, Washington, DC, USA

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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2014: 16 People who Stood Up to Harassers

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University of Central Florida

Each year I compile a list of 16 stories about people who stood up to harassers that year as part of the Pixel Project‘s 16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence campaign. I’m cross-posting those stories here. I hope they inspire you!

Empowering Response #1: As Anna was walking to the grocery store in Seattle, two men in a parked car harassed her. She felt safe and decided to respond back. She said, “I gave them a look, yelled back, ‘Don’t harass me!’ and kept walking. A few seconds later I heard a car about to drive past me, and a ‘Sorry!’ called out. I said thanks to the man in the passenger seat who apologised, and he told me to have a good day and I reciprocated.”

Empowering Response #2: Lise was running in a California park when she realised a group of middle school boys was harassing female athletes. After they harassed her, too, she decided to talk to them. Addressing the leader, she said, “Girls don’t like it when you talk to them that way.” She said she used a regular voice, one human being to another: “You see men talk that way, but they aren’t getting anywhere are they?” His friends fell silent and they all listened. She continued, “If you think a girl is pretty just talk to her like a regular person. Say hello, start a conversation. You’ll do a lot better that way.” The leader thought about the grown men he had been imitating. “Then why do they do that?” he asked. Lise said, “They don’t know any better. The ones who act that way are kind of dumb.” One boy called out from the back of the pack. “Yeah, it’s a dumb thing to do.” The leader said thanks – and there were no more inappropriate comments from them that day.

Empowering Response #3: Robbie is in her 50s and lives in Colorado. She says she does not experience street harassment anymore, but she won’t stay silent when she sees it happening to someone else. When she saw construction workers harassing a young woman, she checked in to make sure the woman was okay. Then she asked the men why they harassed the woman. They were dismissive of her, so she called 911 and the company they work for. She made both calls in front of them saying, “I think I gave them a tiny scare.”

Empowering Response #4: After a construction worker catcalled her during her walk to work, Anonymous confronted him and asked him why he thought that was appropriate to do. His colleague stepped in and apologised. She said, “Afterwards, I felt empowered for sticking up for myself.”

Empowering Response #5: Lee is frequently harassed and decided to start pushing back. After a man at a bus stop near her house harassed her, she walked up to him and let him know that this was where she lived. She told him this was her home and asked, “How dare he come to her neighborhood and disrespect her and make her feel less than safe?” She said, “I scared the crap out him and he seemed to decide that he didn’t need to wait for the bus, to skedaddle on home as he backed away apologising. Boy, was that satisfying. Speaking out then became something I could do (if I felt safe to) and it was empowering. It was like a first step toward taking back full ownership of my own body.”

Empowering Response #6: Anonymous was walking home from college in Utah when a man called out to her. She was tired of being harassed so she said, in a firm voice, “Excuse you?!” The man and his friends were silent and she walked home. She says they have never bothered her again when she’s walked by.

Empowering Response #7: S has been harassed on three continents and in her frustration one day, penned this letter to men. She concludes it by writing, “This dehumanisation of women based solely on their outward appearance is sexism. We’re people, not objects built solely to display clothes or sexually please men, so please do not treat us as such.”

Empowering Response #8: After experiencing street harassment in Edinburgh, Scotland, Anna called the police. The police looked into the incident but the officer who called her back said it was “probably just men being men.” Anna was frustrated by that comment and so wrote to the Chief Constable – and shared her letter online – to highlight the harmful attitude and to ask for more sensitivity around street harassment and related issues.

Empowering Response #9: Eya was shopping with her family in Tunisia when a man harassed her. She at first pretended to ignore him, but when she saw him laughing about getting away with it, she turned around and screamed at the top of her lungs, “YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!” He was really shocked, she said, “as if he didn’t realise I actually had a voice and could stand up for myself. He then simply turned around and retreated back into the shop, and I felt very proud of the way I had reacted.”

Empowering Response #10: SSH board member Lindsey launched “Cards Against Harassment” as a way to use messages on cards to respond to harassers. “I decided that a card would be the ideal middle ground, allowing me to provide feedback that harassment is unwanted without necessarily sticking around for an extended encounter.” After launching the cards, some of her male friends doubted she experienced street harassment as much as she does, so she started filming her harassers. Her videos were featured on numerous media sites over the summer, receiving hundreds of thousands of views.

Empowering Response #11: Greta was walking through the Scottsdale Hilton in Arizona to meet a friend staying there when two men whistled at her. Tired of dealing with harassment, she decided to talk to them about it. “Hi,” she said. “I notice you’re the only two people out here, and I’m the only person walking past. I just wanted to let you know when you whistle at women, it’s incredibly offensive and demeaning. I am a human being, not an object that exists for your viewing pleasure.” They retorted, “It’s okay, you’ll get over it.” So she continued to educate them: “Well actually, no, you’ll get over it. Because as straight white males with enough money to stay at the Hilton, you have the privilege of being able to choose how you address people around you. YOU get to make the choice. I don’t. So no, I won’t get over it. I’ve been dealing with it for years.” She then left, saying, “it felt really good to be able to call them on it.”

Empowering Response #12: SVN in Massachusetts as walking home at night when he yelled out to her. No one was around and she feared for her safety. “Yes?” She asked him. “How you doing?” he asked, crossing the street to get closer to her. She held up her hand saying, “I’m going to need you to leave me alone – I’m a woman walking by myself at night, and this is a little scary.” She said he stopped in his tracks, and said, “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that!” “That’s okay,” she said, “I’m going to keep walking, and you can go back to whatever you were doing.” And he sat back down, and she kept walking.

Empowering Response #13: As Anonymous was walking away from a bar with friends in Washington, a man grabbed her butt. She grabbed his shirt and slapped him and yelled, “You cannot touch me! You cannot just grab someone’s ass. That is not okay!” He ran away.

Empowering Response #14: An older man in Italy yelled, “Hey baby” to EZ as she walked to work. She pretended not to hear. He continued: “Hey, need a ride? Come here I’ll PAY you! How much is it?” She decided to fight back. She turned around, a big smile on her face, and said with loud voice, “Hey you! How old are you? 80? Your life is very near to the [natural] end, so why don’t you think about your health instead of bothering young ladies?” His face turned from red to purple. She walked away, smiling.

Empowering Response #15: After never responding to street harassers, A in Pakistan took a stand when a man touched her hip on the pedestrian bridge as he tried to walk past her. She screamed out “Beghairat” (“shameless” in Urdu). “I did something about street harassment,” she wrote. “After all these years, I finally did it tonight. I took a stand.”

Empowering Response #16: As Anonymous entered a New York subway car, a guy on the left of her pretended to “help” her into the train by grabbing her lower back and grazing it saying, “Here you go, sweetie.” When she told him, “Please don’t touch me,” he proceeded to insult her body, saying, “There’s not much to touch,” and laugh with his friend and make insulting comments about her race loudly so everyone on the train could hear. When he and his friends continued to harass her, she took his photo. He was surprised and stopped.

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